Ducati Monster Forum

I have run into this type of scenerio a couple of times lately.  For the most part I have went back and forth between options one and two (saving option 3 for that one part that I really want).  Well, the time has come and I am about to go against the grain and pull the trigger, firing the shot that will quite possibly cause WWIII at home.  Just curious as to how other would react it they were in the same situation. 

How does the saying go? "It is easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask permission in the first place." Something along those lines. Don't listen to me though, I'm single!  [cheeky]

follow the military moto..

"dont ask, dont tell."

Deny, deny, deny!
"Honey, I have no clue how these parts got ordered! It must've been some good samaritan."

with the economy the way it is, i think it will be harder to beg for forgiveness.  And its not important how you view the state of the economy, it is how your wife views it.

Personally, i think we are fine.  Business cycle

Anything that costs over $100, I generally run it past the wife first. We are married and we need to consider the other's opinion if a larger purchase is to be made. Fortuntely, we have the same opinion on motorcycle "upgrades" these days......they aren't worth it to us. We'd rather use that money for gas and tires and ride our bikes.

Well, I guess it depends on how much you like your marriage. If you want to keep it, I'd suggest coming to some compromise with the wife and take some of the money you have and put it away for said upgrade with the agreement that you will add so much per week/month/whatever until you have saved enough for it.

If you've got your eye on a little honey down at the neighborhood pub though, go ahead and buy it and tell the wife you'll do whatever you want  ;D

Best way ive found is this:

You spend $100 on a part, she gets $100 to spend on whatever she wants.

You spend $300 on a part, she gets the same amount to spend.

If you cant afford $600 total outgoing ($300 for the both of you) then you cant afford to buy your part.

We both make the same amount of money, and both add it to the kitty. So its not fair for me to spend that money but she cant??? get it?

I'd say keeping the wife happy is more important than new shiny bits for the bike.

I think SaltLick has it figured out.

As a single guy I will vote for # 3 and I would like to think that a good woman will like you for being passionate about something/anything - the opposite of being boring and predictable? Of course, as a single guy I might very well be proven to not understand what I'm talking about - at all!

What is it we're talking about?

Before I cast a vote, what is the part you want and how much is it?  I also agree with the logic that Saltlick laid down if both parties of the marriage contribute equally to the funds.

Quote from: lethe on October 25, 2008, 07:33:43 AM


Deny, deny, deny!
"Honey, I have no clue how these parts got ordered! It must've been some good samaritan."

Or you could always take this road.  After all, it worked for GW for the last eight years...

We tend to talk about everything anyway.   It's our money and finances, not my money and finances.

We somewhat jokingly use the $100 rule too...anything over 100 bucks needs at least a phone call.

It's never a question of 'letting' someone buy something...it's a discussion of what we can afford and what our priorities are.    We're good about listening to what the other person wants to be happy even if it's pricey (My EVO subscription is not cheap but it's a good read and makes me happy...for example).

If there's something I really want that's not quite in the budget, we'll talk about it and I'll pick up some extra work to pay for it without effecting the rest of the finances....and vice versa.  G has done extra shifts to get something fun for herself.

The thought of just buying it outright would never even cross my mind.

Does she ask your permission when she buys new clothes and spend over $100?  Don't want to get picky, but the rules have to go both ways.  Hubby bought parts for the warrior, and although I didn't think it was worth $250.00, he says nothing when I've bought $150.00 in clothes.  Gotta go both ways, not just when you want something. 

The most important thing is "can you both afford it?"  Why is she saying no? 

Not enough details to recommend and opinion.

of course.

I am surprised at how many people don't actually do a budget.    How much goes to expenses, how much to savings, etc.etc.     Most people can't say how much their food budget is for a month, or gas, or heating/cooling the house.....

And when in a relationship that budget is for both of you.

So it's not difficult to agree on the 'fun' category.    Outside of essentials, how much goes to fun stuff for the family where everyone gets a say and how much goes to each person's fun budget with no questions asked on where it goes.    If I want to blow my amount on the bike, fine...on cigars, fine..etc.etc.

communication, saving marriages since...well...a long time.

oh...and we need more info about the stuff in question...otherwise this is just another relationship thread for no moto content section.

Grow some cojones and buy that shit!  [cheeky]

[popcorn]

Quote from: Statler on October 25, 2008, 12:52:12 PM
oh...and we need more info about the stuff in question...otherwise this is just another relationship thread for no moto content section.

+1
what are we talking about here?

If it's a neon lighting kit for your monster we're all coming over to take both the bike and the wife.

+ dog/cat/llama

Quote from: superjohn on October 25, 2008, 11:14:54 AM
take some of the money you have and put it away for said upgrade with the agreement that you will add so much per week/month/whatever until you have saved enough for it.

That's what I did years ago.  I stopped buying lunch at work, maybe just do it once a week, and instead put $15 week into a "motorcycle" account that I use for upgrades, tires, maintenance, etc.


Regards
Andy

My advice is to keep separate bank accounts and maintain separate pools of money. 85% of arguments at home revolve around money. So, to mitigate that, my wife and I keep things separate. We haven't had one argument about money because I spend my money how I please and she does the same. I can't get pi$$ed that she blew 300 bucks on shoes because I don't care, it's her money. She can't get pi$$ed when I blow 1k or more on MC/Car stuff because she doesn't care. We maintain one joint account for shared bills. We each deposit equal percentages of our incomes into that account. Just a suggestion!   [thumbsup]

I went with option 2 but keep in mind everyones scenerio at home is different, your wife and my wife might respond totally differtly to the same thing. I recently sold my Monster rather traded it for a Hyper. I knew what I wanted to do, planned everything out (for the most part) and told her what I wanted, she knows that if she just says no and its something I am really adamant about I am just going to do what I want to do. That being said I told her I dont care what she wants to do with any extra money as long as she helps me find a way to pick up the new bike when the time comes. As luck would have it I went to trade the bike in before winter and put a deposit down on a Hyper and they gave me a deal I couldnt refuse, only stipulation was that I had to take delivery of the bike now.

good luck.

You already answered your own question really.

If you have to ASK her if you think you can afford it, then you cant.  Otherwise, you'ld have bought it already.  Once denied, going ahead and buying it is only going to get you in more trouble....you can't even plead ignorance now....you know you arn't supposed to get it.

Just a funny little story for you for perspective.

A buddy of mine had been on the wife for quite some time about wanting to buy a bike.  She said when you got the money and it doesn't take away from the family go and buy one.

In he comes from the garage with an old cigar box, with $5000 cash in it.  Apparently he had be squirrling it away for the last 3 years.

"Pack up the kids sweetheart, were off to the dealership" and promptly bought a 2003 R6.

My point?  If its something you want bad enough you can save.

Given the number of relationships I've screwed up (by being stubborn and just doing whatever the hell I want) a smart person would do the exact opposite of what I recommend. 

With that in mind:

Politely ask her for your testicles back and go buy your bike bling.  Be prepared to duck when she finds out.

after 4years going out together and 42years married my wife gave up many years ago so i just buy whatever i think will look good on my bikes and she spends on herself when she see's something she likes.money matters are biggest cause's of break up's so my advice is if you can afford it buy it and let your wife do the same because lifes to short for regrets and this way you both have a good relationship.just my 2cents. [coffee]

Quote from: burt69er on October 28, 2008, 06:49:05 AM
Just a funny little story for you for perspective.

...In he comes from the garage with an old cigar box, with $5000 cash in it.  Apparently he had be squirrling it away for the last 3 years....

Another story, from a personal perspective. 

I had come into some unforeseen cash which never happens and we never keep cash around the house.  Knowing I was going to buy a bike, I squirreled it away in a pair of boots in the back of the closet to covertly offset some of the price of my bike.  My three year old then quickly found it and proceeded to spread it all over the bedroom (why would a kid be digging in my boots?).  My wife was shocked (and not too happy) when she saw my daughter playing with several thousand dollars of unknown cash!

Stupid move on my part. [bang]

as logn as you can still pay the bills, and she is allowed to spend money too then what's the problem?

if you have separate accts then it's not her business what you buy so long as you pay your share of the bills. same goes for her.

if you have joint accts or have to worry baout buying junior new school clothes, you might want to hold off on buying it just yet. as others have said, put your secret stash off tot he side and add to it whenever you can. after a while you'll have what you need.
also look at buying used parts. they are cheaper.

This is exactly why i bought a bike before i got married  ;D

In reality though if you are sharing accounts and money is tight, money is tight.  You have to seriously look at your funds and don't let affect your "quality of life" or the family's!  Start saving if you have to.  I would go over the whole budget with your wife and see if the extra funds are there.

In my relationship i'm the better one when it comes to budgeting, so i tend to win those arguments ;D, good luck!

Threads like these make me understand why I was so busy when I did domestic law.

Lots of people married to roommates and not spouses.

I am still surprised by the notion that after an equal payment of the bills, anything else on either side is nobody's business.  That's not how relationship 'experts' look at it, but perhaps more importantly, that's not how Courts look at it either.

This does explain why so many guys post up in the forums complaining about how unfair and biased the 'system' is when they split up.

We never got an answer about what the parts were did we?

Quote from: Statler on October 28, 2008, 01:23:49 PM

We never got an answer about what the parts were did we?

No we didn't and i really would like to know!

I'll start the guessing games [evil]

   - Cycle Cat risers/bars
   - awesome brakes, individual parts
   - new forks

Yeah more info but she's your wife man. Balance it out.

three days ago this was his last post.  Maybe no internet service in the doghouse.

Quote from: Statler on October 28, 2008, 03:08:17 PM
three days ago this was his last post.  Maybe no internet service in the doghouse.

So much for alternative 3   [roll]

I think he went ahead and bought the 1098 motor to put in his monster and his wife killed him....Sad day.

Quote from: Bbrent on October 28, 2008, 04:05:00 PM
I think he went ahead and bought the 1098 motor to put in his monster and his wife killed him....Sad day.

No, happy day. There is now a nice monster and a spare 1098 motor for sale, cheap.



I call dibs.

Quote from: somebastid on October 28, 2008, 04:40:27 PM
No, happy day. There is now a nice monster and a spare 1098 motor for sale, cheap.



I call dibs.

lol

Kids don't try this at home.

Whenever I was in a serious relationship and the g/f knew going in that I had to play golf every day in the Summer or that I had an addiction to expensive Sports Cars plus Motorcycles and after a few months she started pregnant doging about the 3 things I just mentioned it was time to make a major change.

Yea ,..she was history .

Time to get a new car ,new g/f, or a new Scoot. Dolph

Quote from: DoubleEagle on October 28, 2008, 09:28:52 PM
Kids don't try this at home.

Whenever I was in a serious relationship and the g/f knew going in that I had to play golf every day in the Summer or that I had an addiction to expensive Sports Cars plus Motorcycles and after a few months she started pregnant doging about the 3 things I just mentioned it was time to make a major change.

Yea ,..she was history .

Time to get a new car ,new g/f, or a new Scoot. Dolph

Getting rid of a g/f is one thing.


Getting rid of a wife probably means one can now have the freedom to buy what one wants, but won't have the money to do so.


And I agree with Statler it's not just we split the bills and waste the rest-there has to be a consensus.

Quote from: Statler on October 25, 2008, 12:01:40 PM

If there's something I really want that's not quite in the budget, we'll talk about it and I'll pick up some extra work to pay for it without effecting the rest of the finances....and vice versa.  G has done extra shifts to get something fun for herself.

The thought of just buying it outright would never even cross my mind.

Option 4 )from the wise STATLER.  I went with the Overtime route and am picking up a couple extra days.  To sweeten the pot, she gets the leftover cash from my labor (bout $280 bucks).  She is happy, world is safe for another day, and here is the outcome:

Before:
(http://i30.tinypic.com/2rhu2w1.jpg)


After:
(http://i34.tinypic.com/1znpd9x.jpg)

Quote from: stopintime on October 28, 2008, 01:54:14 PM
I'll start the guessing games [evil]

   - Cycle Cat risers/bars
   - awesome brakes, individual parts
   - new forks

StopInTime,
Good guess on the brakes.  They are on the list!

Good solution [thumbsup]

Screen, levers, grips, mirror, reservoir caps, signals, side vents (?) - I like it 8)

Personally, I think I like the other screen better, but the new is good as well.
If you didn't already, you can flip the rear half of the mirror clamps to hide the empty hole.

What do you think about the functionality of the new screen - compared to the old? (Noise, protection)

Quote from: stopintime on November 02, 2008, 01:38:25 AM
Good solution [thumbsup]

Screen, levers, grips, mirror, reservoir caps, signals, side vents (?) - I like it 8)
The levers, caps, and side vents were previous add-ons.
Personally, I think I like the other screen better, but the new is good as well.
If you didn't already, you can flip the rear half of the mirror clamps to hide the empty hole.
Didn't know, I will check that out.  Thx!
What do you think about the functionality of the new screen - compared to the old? (Noise, protection)
Noise - Less noise with the carbon screen, but the carbon brackets are not as stiff as the metal stock mounts.  I am making some braces that run from the stock fairing bolt mounts to the inside bolts on the turn signals to stiffen everything up.
Protection - Lack of protection would be a better statement.  Not much difference then running without any fairing.
I mainly wanted the carbon fairing for the looks. 

I am happy with the way it turned out.  The front pic I posted earlier didn't really do the new stuff justice.  Here is a profile view.  Fits the lines of the bike really well (in my opinion).
(http://i36.tinypic.com/2rxusmp.jpg)

That's a much better view - I agree on the lines looking very good. If I didn't want the protection of my screen I would copy your screen.

I suggest that the next overtime paycheck goes towards the Ducati/Brembo 4 piston upgrade kit. Not only will you gain wow-better brakes, the gold rotor "carrier" and calipers will match your other gold pieces! About $ 670. Just saying.

PS I see you have Jeff's "eye" on the air box - I have mine on the front of the belly pan [thumbsup]

my wifes gonna cook clean take care of teh kids and keep her mouth shut, if im making the money she has no say on what i want period

Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on November 02, 2008, 10:39:10 AM
my wifes gonna cook clean take care of teh kids and keep her mouth shut, if im making the money she has no say on what i want period

I didn't realize those mail order brides spoke english....

Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on November 02, 2008, 10:39:10 AM
my wifes gonna cook clean take care of teh kids and keep her mouth shut, if im making the money she has no say on what i want period

Honey, if you are reading this, I do not agree with this opinion.  (sorry Beck, but she has been following this posting a little also.  I think she likes this site as much as I do).  Anyway, My wife is a clenical pharmacist, and when working full time, makes a lot more then I do.  She is taking a couple of years part time to stay at home with our girls.  I will gladly help cook and clean to get the extra $35,000 back that we lost when she went part time! 

"Honey" - if you're reading this - you DO know that the mods in question are safety related? Grips=better control. New reservoir caps=safe from the danger of fluid leaking out. Levers=better braking. Lighter carbon fibre screen=bike stops faster. New signals=cagers see what's going on.
Mirror=better rear view. The improvement of "looks" is just a bonus.

The side vents give a better combustion temperature for the vertical cylinder=better for the environment (sorry, no safety gains there)

Quote from: stopintime on November 02, 2008, 02:24:55 PM
"Honey" - if you're reading this - you DO know that the mods in question are safety related? Grips=better control. New reservoir caps=safe from the danger of fluid leaking out. Levers=better braking. Lighter carbon fibre screen=bike stops faster. New signals=cagers see what's going on.
Mirror=better rear view. The improvement of "looks" is just a bonus.

The side vents give a better combustion temperature for the vertical cylinder=better for the environment (sorry, no safety gains there)

Silliness-better combustion temps give a healthier engine. We all know how dangerous it is to have a mechanical failure while leaned over in a turn.


You simply must work on your rationalizations if you expect to lie your way to everything you want explain why your safety is so important.

Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on November 02, 2008, 10:39:10 AM
my wifes gonna cook clean take care of teh kids and keep her mouth shut, if im making the money she has no say on what i want period

[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]

even a mail order bride would bolt once her immigration status was cleared.


gentleman, meet the life long bachelor among us.   ;D

my GF of 4 years just doesn't get into my personal business, and shes not some wimp she was in the Israeli ARMY lol
but seriously she knows her place and I know mine, once she starts getting into my affairs shes O-U-T.
sorry I love her I respect her but what I do with my hard earned money is my business, she may give advice but she knows her place. Same if we get married, if im bringing home the bacon, shes driving a new bimmer, nice house, food, clothes etc etc, when i get a package in the mail for a new exhaust she wont even ask whats in the box. I treat her like gold and she respects me back.

Quote from: Statler on October 28, 2008, 01:23:49 PM
Threads like these make me understand why I was so busy when I did domestic law.

Lots of people married to roommates and not spouses.

I am still surprised by the notion that after an equal payment of the bills, anything else on either side is nobody's business.  That's not how relationship 'experts' look at it, but perhaps more importantly, that's not how Courts look at it either.

I will SO NEVER get married. [wine]

Quote from: jsanford on November 02, 2008, 08:57:53 PM
I will SO NEVER get married. [wine]

+1   Dolph

Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on November 02, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
my GF of 4 years just doesn't get into my personal business, and shes not some wimp she was in the Israeli ARMY lol
but seriously she knows her place and I know mine, once she starts getting into my affairs shes O-U-T.
sorry I love her I respect her but what I do with my hard earned money is my business, she may give advice but she knows her place. Same if we get married, if im bringing home the bacon, shes driving a new bimmer, nice house, food, clothes etc etc, when i get a package in the mail for a new exhaust she wont even ask whats in the box. I treat her like gold and she respects me back.

Ha ha ha ha just wait until you get married.  If you believe that wemon wont be in your business once your married i have a bridge to sell you. ha ha ha ha ha ha

Ive been married for 12 years, things change when you get married dont kid yourself. I knew that comment had to been made by someone that wasnt married. Man thats funny.

Quote from: Statler on October 25, 2008, 12:01:40 PM
If there's something I really want that's not quite in the budget, we'll talk about it and I'll pick up some extra work to pay for it without effecting the rest of the finances....and vice versa.  G has done extra shifts to get something fun for herself.

Ok... I'm single.  Never married.  But I have a brother who is married with three kids, and makes fat stacks of cash.  He decided he wanted to rebuild his classic pickup that he built right out of highschool.  Going the whole nine yards, this thing now produces 495 hp.  Lot of $$$, even with him doing most of the work.    Now he's not hurting for cash, but all the same, he took up some extra work to pay for parts.    He started doing finishing work on local construction to come up with the extra cash.  I don't even think he had to do this, but it made his wife feel better.

Now my dumb single guy question:  Why do wives get so weird about spending money?  Most single guys I know both put money away and buy what they want (with in reason).  My married friends either hide the finances if they want to buy stuff, or do with out.

Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on November 02, 2008, 10:39:10 AM
my wifes gonna cook clean take care of teh kids and keep her mouth shut, if im making the money she has no say on what i want period

Quote from: That Nice Guy Beck! on November 02, 2008, 05:17:18 PM
my GF of 4 years just doesn't get into my personal business, and shes not some wimp she was in the Israeli ARMY lol
but seriously she knows her place and I know mine, once she starts getting into my affairs shes O-U-T.
sorry I love her I respect her but what I do with my hard earned money is my business, she may give advice but she knows her place. Same if we get married, if im bringing home the bacon, shes driving a new bimmer, nice house, food, clothes etc etc, when i get a package in the mail for a new exhaust she wont even ask whats in the box. I treat her like gold and she respects me back.

Man I don't know you or anything, so I could be wrong.  But it just sounds like you have no respect for women.  You shouldn't be married.  I can respect the classic roles, love to have a woman who wants to cook and clean, and who will stay home with the kids, but it really sounds like your coming from a place of masaginy.

Quote from: Clickjack on November 04, 2008, 11:14:17 AM
Now my dumb single guy question:  Why do wives get so weird about spending money?  Most single guys I know both put money away and buy what they want (with in reason).  My married friends either hide the finances if they want to buy stuff, or do with out.

My sweeping generalization is this, at least in my experience.


Men are pretty impulsive and stupid when it comes to wanting things, and having money in their pockets. They'll typically spend said money, on said shiny new object, without a second thought. This is most likely why in the vast majority of hosueholds I've seen, the womenfolk handle the cashflow/budgeting. It keeps the household from actually going under.

It probably gets to be annoying to be the keeper of the pursestrings when every week or two, for as long as one can remember, your idiot husband asks for a *considerable* amount of money to buy something that he really doesn't need. Sure there might be extra money in the coffers but if it's not actually rainy-day fund, she might've been thinking vacation with the husband, possibly something for the house, education for kids-who knows what. To be badgered for coin for silliness like carbon fiber windscreens, and fancy padded seats, and noisy exhausts, on a bike that gets used on weekends 6-8 months a year just probably smacks of irresponsibility.

While we may all have and/or want fancyness for the bikes-if you think what it actually needs, and what you're actually spending money on (which is, essentially decorating your toy), well, I could see getting weird about that too. It shouldn't be a monetary priority. Anyone who acts like it's all that important should probably re-evaluate their priorities.

Quote from: somebastid on November 04, 2008, 01:59:19 PM
My sweeping generalization is this, at least in my experience.


Men are pretty impulsive and stupid when it comes to wanting things, and having money in their pockets. They'll typically spend said money, on said shiny new object, without a second thought. This is most likely why in the vast majority of hosueholds I've seen, the womenfolk handle the cashflow/budgeting. It keeps the household from actually going under.

It probably gets to be annoying to be the keeper of the pursestrings when every week or two, for as long as one can remember, your idiot husband asks for a *considerable* amount of money to buy something that he really doesn't need. Sure there might be extra money in the coffers but if it's not actually rainy-day fund, she might've been thinking vacation with the husband, possibly something for the house, education for kids-who knows what. To be badgered for coin for silliness like carbon fiber windscreens, and fancy padded seats, and noisy exhausts, on a bike that gets used on weekends 6-8 months a year just probably smacks of irresponsibility.

While we may all have and/or want fancyness for the bikes-if you think what it actually needs, and what you're actually spending money on (which is, essentially decorating your toy), well, I could see getting weird about that too. It shouldn't be a monetary priority. Anyone who acts like it's all that important should probably re-evaluate their priorities.

Thats what i meant to say.....he just said it better.