http://www.fmylife.com/ (http://www.fmylife.com/)
Hours of Lulz.
QuoteToday, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML
#8288 (8) - 02/05/2009 at 3:20am by banana - love - I agree, your life is f***ed (1369) - you deserved that one (329)
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Holy crap I just snorted water out my nose.
QuoteToday, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, "Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?" FML
QuoteToday, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML
QuoteToday, I had just opened up some porn on my laptop when my mom walked into my room, so I slammed the laptop shut. I didn't know the speakers continue to function after the laptop is closed. FML
This place is the new 'Best of Craigslist'.
ugh............ :-X
Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
QuoteToday, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML
QuoteToday, I spent $400 at the stripclub and got 4 phone numbers. I as walked out of the club, I noticed it was tranny-night. FML
bookmarked.
This guy must work with Cyrus:
QuoteToday, my co-worker came out to me that he's an active "Furry". Meaning, he likes to wear a Bobcat costume and bang other men who are wearing Husky costumes. I am never bringing my dog into work again. FML
QuoteToday, my friend had to leave work early for a funeral and on his way out I wanted to say something. All I could think of was "have fun". FML
#3269 (6) - 01/29/2009 at 5:27pm by jalopenos - misc - I agree, your life is f***ed (843) - you deserved that one (813)
[laugh] [laugh]
I've done that before.
I have a friend that I just sent that website to. He's at work at the University and this was his response:
"That's some funny shit. I have nothing better to do, so I got to page 12. FML"
Best one ever. . . .
"Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML"
[laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh]
Quote from: Monsterlover on February 05, 2009, 05:53:21 PM
Best one ever. . . .
"Today, I drank a good amount of vodka and cut my own hair. FML"
[laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh][laugh]
He's a make the beast with two backsing idiot.... [laugh]
Thanks, this is great!!! One to send around. I laughed so hard my cheeks hurt. [clap] [clap] And after having a make the beast with two backsed up day this was nice to come home to.
OMG I can't stop.
From page 21. . .
"Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML"
Quote
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML
Wow, just wow...
Quote
Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML
More wow...
It just doesn't stop [laugh]
Funny shit! Definately bookmarked. Thanks for the link [thumbsup]
OMG :-X :-X
"Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML"
Another gem.
Someone stop me. . .
"Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML"
Quote from: Monsterlover on February 05, 2009, 07:07:37 PM
Another gem.
Someone stop me. . .
"Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML"
HA!!!
Today, my two year old girl said "mothermake the beast with two backser". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, I discovered that my 15 year old girl had hidden a disgusting porn film in the "future career" folder. FML
Today, thinking that I’m alone at work, I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting. It’s only after about a minute that I notice that my boss is looking straight at me. FML
Quote from: Monsterlover on February 05, 2009, 07:40:48 PM
I start rummaging through my nose trying to find something interesting
Best. Description. Ever.
Phew, just got through all 69 pages ;D
I read them all [laugh]
Quote from: Monsterlover on February 05, 2009, 07:50:00 PM
Phew, just got through all 69 pages ;D
I read them all [laugh]
don't you have a car to get running?
;D
mitt
None of you liked this one?
QuoteToday, I got fired from my job. I worked for my parents. FML
A lot of them sound made up. [roll]
Quote from: erkishhorde on February 05, 2009, 08:02:01 PM
None of you liked this one?
A lot of them sound made up. [roll]
I thought that one was Timmy Tucker.
No wait-he fired his dad. Or something.
QuoteToday, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn't move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn't breathing. FML
#7876 (6) - 02/04/2009 at 11:44pm by Harejordan - health - I agree, your life is f***ed (963) - you deserved that one (2111)
wtf? How come this one receieved so many "you deserved that one"s?
This guy had it worst of all.
"Today, I wake up only to find that my roommates cooked all my food. Now I'm starving and the place smells like delicious bacon. FML"
Makes me feel better. My life is nowhere NEAR as make the beast with two backsed up as I thought it was.
I should start contributing to this [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
QuoteToday, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML
#2349 (3) - 01/23/2009 at 1:51pm by Sleep Walking - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (870) - you deserved that one (311)
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QuoteToday, my boyfriend and I were looking for our bubblegum flavored "numbing" lotion to have some morning fun. We couldnt find it anywhere. After about 10 minutes, my little nephew comes from my room crying and drool coming out of his mouth. He smelt like bubblegum, his mouth and tongue were all numb. FML
#997 (2) - 01/12/2009 at 10:37am by LiLGeek - sex - I agree, your life is f***ed (878) - you deserved that one (191)
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[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]