1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call B*LLSH$T. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." " Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.
I thought this was going to be a picture of a man with a fish over his junk.
.... on second thought, don't know why I clicked on this thinking that. ???
Quote from: DucNaked on November 28, 2011, 03:57:30 PM
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
Calling bullshit on this one... 'cause I'm marrying her. LOL
Quote from: Some Kind of Pip on November 28, 2011, 04:01:22 PM
Calling bullshit on this one... 'cause I'm marrying her. LOL
But...
deep down...
he hates you. ;D
Quote from: ducpainter on November 28, 2011, 04:07:02 PM
But...
deep down...
he hates you. ;D
To punish him for any escaped hatred, I remind him of... things. ;D
He quiets down quickly for some reason. ;)
Quote from: Some Kind of Pip on November 28, 2011, 03:58:43 PM
I thought this was going to be a picture of a man with a fish over his junk.
very similar thought ran through my mind.
Canterbury Tales and codpieces
A man should never exit a public men's room wiping his mouth
I too thought it was gonna be something about codpieces.
The thought of pictures never crossed my mind though.
Quote from: Some Kind of Pip on November 28, 2011, 04:09:03 PM
To punish him for any escaped hatred, I remind him of... things. ;D
He quiets down quickly for some reason. ;)
Watch your back...
it's his sister. [laugh]
Quote from: Some Kind of Pip on November 28, 2011, 03:58:43 PM
I thought this was going to be a picture of a man with a fish over his junk.
.... on second thought, don't know why I clicked on this thinking that. ???
Fixed it [thumbsup]
Duc Naked,
How was Chocolate......... [laugh]
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Quote from: red baron on November 28, 2011, 05:41:46 PM
Duc Naked,
How was Chocolate......... [laugh]
Delicious
(http://www.veronikalove.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/woman-covered-in-chocolate.jpg)
[bang] [bang] I fail on #16
In my defense, i took on the cat when I was trying to get to know this girl about 5 years ago and she needed the cat away while her relatives where in town and couldn't be near the cat due to allergies. Well ofcourse, I did not even get a slight chance with the girl, but the cat ended up with me. Yes yes yes, i ended up with the wrong pussy. I know I know. I hear it every time.
[bang] [bang] [bang] (disclaimer : himalyan cat turned out to be the coolest)
Quote from: ab on November 28, 2011, 10:49:18 PM
[bang] [bang] I fail on #16
I feel your pain; I still have the ex's cat. granted, said cat bonded instantly to me (the cat hating dog guy) and HATED my ex... like, violently.
but anyway, I failed at #2, so whatever.
FTR- it was a particularly rainy St. Patrick's Day block party, and my DD had the good sense to bring his golf umbrella. girl:guy ratio was still >2:1 under said umbrella, and we were BIG DAMN HEROES that night.
Quote from: Some Kind of Pip on November 28, 2011, 04:01:22 PM
Calling bullshit on this one... 'cause I'm marrying her. LOL
[thumbsdown]
Quote from: Some Kind of Pip on November 28, 2011, 04:01:22 PM
Calling bullshit on this one... 'cause I'm marrying her. LOL
yeah,........i did everything BUT marry her..
[evil]
Failed on 9 and 24.
I'm pleading the 5th on 7 and 11... :-X
[bacon]
Quote from: teddy037.3 on November 28, 2011, 06:25:49 PM
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
What was Venger thinking sending Walker on that early?
#27 reminds me of our family vacation last summer. We stopped to fuel up the Suburban in Amarillo, TX and the guy at the next pump had a really nice S4RS in the back of his pick up. He was heading home to AZ from some east coast ride. We talked Ducs, finished fueling, then we walked inside saying we both needed to hit the can. So there we were, total strangers, standing next to each other taking a leak and talking about Ducatis like it was something we did every day! [laugh] My wife just sat in the car shaking her head. ;D
Quote from: The Bacon Junkie on November 30, 2011, 06:50:47 AM
I'm pleading the 5th on 7 and 11... :-X
[bacon]
Chappelle I plead the Fif (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CzocBkrWpA#)
Quote from: duccarlos on November 30, 2011, 10:42:03 AM
Chappelle I plead the Fif (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4CzocBkrWpA#)
[laugh]
[bacon]
Quote from: Buckethead on November 30, 2011, 07:14:39 AM
What was Wenger thinking sending Walcott on that early?
;)
thing 'bout arsenal is, they always try to walk it in
29. When approaching a wall of three urinals NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER take the middle urinal if all are unoccupied.
30. When seeing a movie at the theater with your guy friend(s), there must always be an empty seat between you.
Ciao!
Quote from: r_ciao on December 01, 2011, 09:52:54 PM
29. When approaching a wall of three urinals NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER take the middle urinal if all are unoccupied.
30. When seeing a movie at the theater with your guy friend(s), there must always be an empty seat between you.
Ciao!
urinal etiquette and the hetero seat are self-invoking rules; they need not be stated
Quote from: r_ciao on December 01, 2011, 09:52:54 PM
29. When approaching a wall of three urinals NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER take the middle urinal if all are unoccupied.
Restroom Queuing Theory
http://bofh.ntk.net/KiwiBlokes/bloke-leak.php (http://bofh.ntk.net/KiwiBlokes/bloke-leak.php)
Quote from: sugarcrook on December 03, 2011, 11:25:54 AM
Restroom Queuing Theory
http://bofh.ntk.net/KiwiBlokes/bloke-leak.php (http://bofh.ntk.net/KiwiBlokes/bloke-leak.php)
look for the one that doesn't have the inch deep puddle in front of it
2. Wrong. Real men do not use umbrellas.
10. If the gift is liquor, and you finish drinking it on the night of his birthday, It is acceptable. Applies to other party consumables that are consumed during the birthday party.
12. Only applies if she broke up with him.
16. I call bullshit. Some cats are cool, some dogs are bullshit.
Quote from: Drunken Monkey on December 04, 2011, 11:30:16 PM
16. I call bullshit. Some cats are cool, some dogs are bullshit.
Wrong. No cat is cool. They are always plotting ways to destroy you.
Quote from: duccarlos on December 05, 2011, 07:16:44 AM
Wrong. No cat is cool. They are always plotting ways to destroy you.
exactly. it's too much like having a second gf around all the time.
Quote from: thought on December 05, 2011, 08:00:02 AM
exactly. it's too much like having a second gf around all the time.
Good one! I love cats. They taste just like chicken.
My dog has a jihad/mad on for all cats... and UPS delivery folks and USPS letter carriers. Couldn't give a damn about squirrels, just cats. I would think to a dog they'd be pretty similar.
Quote from: duccarlos on December 05, 2011, 07:16:44 AM
Wrong. No cat is cool. They are always plotting ways to destroy you.
If you weren't sized to the human scale they would play with you, torture you, kill you
and possibly eat you
useless rug and furniture destroyers
Quote from: RAT900 on December 05, 2011, 09:50:21 AM
If you weren't sized to the human scale they would play with you, torture you, kill you
I think I'm one of the few people on here that is shorter than IZ. They would destroy me in a second.
I'm sure we are pissing off the DMF cat thread folks. [laugh]
Quote from: fastwin on December 05, 2011, 11:37:05 AM
I'm sure we are pissing off the DMF cat thread folks. [laugh]
Do we care?
My mum has a an old, folksy, village saying, "When you die, your dog will guard your body and howl in mourning, but your cat will walk over your body on the way to the pantry".
I'm no cat hater but I wouldn't have one. 'Spose I value loyalty.
Quote from: fastwin on December 05, 2011, 11:37:05 AM
I'm sure we are pissing off the DMF cat thread folks. [laugh]
Not really, I'm laughing hilariously in disagreement.
Our alpha male orange tom is more doglike than any dog I've owned to date.....
Quote from: duccarlos on December 05, 2011, 07:16:44 AM
Wrong. No cat is cool. They are always plotting ways to destroy you.
they have the same mind set as their bigger cousins......but they can't bite through your spine.
Quote from: Drunken Monkey on December 04, 2011, 11:30:16 PM
2. Wrong. Real men do not use umbrellas.
what about a ratty looking umbrella with one broken arm on it?
My belief is that anything becomes manly if it can potentially cut you.
A gentleman's vintage hardwood cane-handled Walking Stick Umbrella (with sheath for when not in use) hardwood cap and brass tipped.
Great for gouging poking and stabbing on crowded city streets
they are manly....far more manly than a collapsed totes
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Gents-Vintage-British-Paragon-Fox-umbrella-Silver-Partridge-Cane-1933-Recovered-/160654917719?pt=UK_Men_s_Vintage_Clothing&hash=item2567c78057 (http://www.ebay.com/itm/Gents-Vintage-British-Paragon-Fox-umbrella-Silver-Partridge-Cane-1933-Recovered-/160654917719?pt=UK_Men_s_Vintage_Clothing&hash=item2567c78057)
now shoe rubbers are another dilemma altogether...
there is no way to get past the geek-factor in them
no matter how expensive your genuine horsehide cordovan brogans are
Hat your cat!
(http://jay.kusnetz.net/pics4ext/hatguy.gif)
http://www.borrett.id.au/weirdmob/cats.htm (http://www.borrett.id.au/weirdmob/cats.htm)
I like what he has done with that cat. Looks good on him... a very manly look. [thumbsup]
Cats:
(http://i1112.photobucket.com/albums/k497/animalsbeingdicks/animalsbeingdicks/abd-145.gif)
Dogs:
(http://i1112.photobucket.com/albums/k497/animalsbeingdicks/animalsbeingdicks/abd-146.gif)
Quote from: Drunken Monkey on December 06, 2011, 12:18:26 PM
Cats:
(http://i1112.photobucket.com/albums/k497/animalsbeingdicks/animalsbeingdicks/abd-145.gif)
Dogs:
(http://i1112.photobucket.com/albums/k497/animalsbeingdicks/animalsbeingdicks/abd-146.gif)
point seen here?
at least one of the dogs was paying attention to the human. with truthfully, a look of abject adoration.
the cats... not so much.
It's the animal version of the whole man vs woman thing. [laugh] Cats and dogs actually live on different planets. They just think they live on the same one. Both are very entertaining. Just not in the same way. Make that manly way. ;D