I'm on my way home from the shop, 45 minute ride when my body decides it's time to destroy the throne.
I convince it to hold off till home.
Everything is fine until I get a text from rootchick. "Can you swing by the store on your way home for milk and TP. A rotisserie chicken would also be a good idea"
Not what I was looking to be doing.
I hang my head low and agree. "We can do this" I tell myself.
I get to the store and find the chicken within seconds. Off to a great start. I swing around the perimeter and find the TP pretty quickly. Sweet! Then the milk... where the F is the milk. It takes me a bit but I find it.
I pass by the self checkout because its a make the beast with two backsing madhouse and head right for the express lane which turned out to be anything but. Its a few minuted of reading magazine covers about the kardashians and the like before I realize the line isn't moving.
Still not moving.
Beard hair is advancing faster than I am :(
Then some manager lady shows up with a bottle of juice and tells the guy standing there "this is the only kind that's 100% juice "
Seriously!? Do you not know what you're picking up?
I don't even shop at this store and I found the right items in a few minutes. One of which is freezing my hand worse than Han Solo, another is burning my other hand alive and the third is just soft and squishy.
Checkout resumes.
Briefly.
Now something is wrong with Juicys credit card and we have to wait for the manager again.
I begin the "don't shit yourself" dance as thins are escalating faster than I'm happy about.
Things finally get situated and I get the F out of there.
Right into end of day traffic.
Its on now. I grab the shifter and rip gears all the way home. If a cop came out I would not be stopping. This close to home I would have flown into my driveway, ran inside to the bathroom and texted my wife to deal with the cop.
I get home and am desperately fumbling for the correct key only to find out the door is unlocked [laugh]
This better be the tastiest chicken ever bbq'd and packaged.
Kev...
RAT is proud of you.
Well written...
;D
ever notice how you (just about) always magically make it to the toilet right in the nick of time?
almost always.
I had to crap really bad but I said I'll just read this quick post from M.L. [bang]
Turns out it was anything but...
[laugh]
Guy in my car club was in a rush home to do the same.
He got pulled over on the southern state in L.I.
Officer didn't let him go and he relieved himself on himself as cop was writing the citation.
I could only imagine the cops face as he walked back..
You don't always make it...
Quote from: ducpainter on November 15, 2012, 03:39:52 PM
Kev...
RAT is proud of you.
Well written...
;D
A true compliment :)
I take you don't use public restrooms?
The grocery store probably had one.
Quote from: DesmoDiva on November 15, 2012, 04:50:34 PM
I take you don't use public restrooms?
The grocery store probably had one.
Some people can't, or won't use a public restroom. Me, I could go anywhere.
Quote from: DesmoDiva on November 15, 2012, 04:50:34 PM
I take you don't use public restrooms?
The grocery store probably had one.
No promlem with them, and the store probably had one.
Things were mostly fine until I was in the checkout line...
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
I never know what to expect with your threads. [thumbsup]
;D
Mission accomplished then
omg you and your poo [laugh]
last time we saw u, you broke the dimby potty [laugh]
Quote from: TiNi on November 15, 2012, 05:26:54 PM
omg you and your poo [laugh]
last time we saw u, you broke the dimby potty [laugh]
Which I then repaired ;)
;D
That is awesome....kinda! I needed a laugh and best at someone else's expense.
Oh and as you get older never trust a fart! [thumbsup]
Quote from: ducpainter on November 15, 2012, 03:39:52 PM
Kev...
RAT is proud of you.
Well written...
;D
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [clap] [clap] [clap] Indeed!!
Excellent job,,,, captured the mood and air of desperation with precision
That was a fearless game of Rectal Roulette you played there sir
So this thread came up as I was searching for something else. I stopped in to read it again and thought it was cool it got compared to Rat900, who then ended up posting in it agreeing. I'd forgotten about that (three year old thread)
Kinda cool. I miss that guy.
What did you search for? :-X
Quote from: RAT900 on November 16, 2012, 09:32:35 AM
.....
Rectal Roulette
..........
[bow_down] RIP
Quote from: stopintime on April 16, 2015, 02:12:05 PM
What did you search for? :-X
[bow_down] RIP
Deal king thread by user: me.
Quote from: TiNi on November 15, 2012, 05:26:54 PM
omg you and your poo [laugh]
last time we saw u, you broke the dimby potty [laugh]
You broke the shitter at DIMBY? [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
;D
Yeah, a couple years ago.
It was having trouble picking up what I was dropping, so to speak.
If Mel was there it was more than a couple... :-\
She was. Probably the last time I saw her and Mr 'Tini
Did the toilet survive?
JM
I saw this the other night and laughed extra hard! We all have had one of those moments.
https://youtu.be/7MCj4YeUEik
Brutal but funny! Lol!
A Thread about bowel movements! My favorite! Can you talk about color and consistency?
I dislike using public bathrooms, but in an emergency I will destroy any bathroom or dark alley.
Dark alley
[laugh]
Had a bad poop thing going outside Chicago. Went in to the Quiznos & destroyed the bathroom. Bought s bag of chips on the way out as some sort of consolation. Wife gives me a hard time for buying Chips... :P
Wifes Sister gives her a hard time for giving me a hard time. ;D
I can think of a couple of epic bathroom destruction stories that almost merit a Rat-like story...
'Rectal Roulette'.....I miss Gerry too.
RELEASE THE KRAKEN
In time.....like maybe tomorrow. ;D
Reminds me of a few of the "bus lot sprints to the building" after a fast food breakfast and then a couple hours on a rough riding bus...
JM
Quote from: GK on April 21, 2015, 04:38:14 AM
Brutal but funny! Lol!
No child should ever see one of their parents shit their pants.