Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Researchers have discovered that Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.
Chuck Norris was not born. He roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother's womb and immediately had sex with three nurses.
Chuck Norris was born with a full beard.
Chuck Norris smelled my ass when I was a child, as a result, it no longer has any scent at all -- he inhaled all of it.
Chuck Norris doesn't "tea-bag" people. He "potato-sacks" them.
there is no 'Ctrl' button on chuck norris' computer. he is always in control
apple pays chuck norris .99 every time he listens to a song
-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
-Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Chuck Norris does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
chucknorris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. except pink. tom cruise invented pink.
Chuck Norris plays tennis with an waffle iron and bowling balls
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
Chuck Norris is known to clog toilets after he pees.
Chuck Norris is known to clog toilets after he pees.
maybe he has kidney stones, well I guess that would be kidney rocks!
Chuck norris can divide by zero
(http://i219.photobucket.com/albums/cc260/WannaDucBad/presidentChuck.jpg)
When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris
They say that curiosity killed the cat. This is incorrect. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every one.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German bomber by pointing his finger and saying "Bang"
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash instead of taking a shower.
The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.
If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.
chuck norris once impregnated an entire nunnery and they gave birth to the 1972 miami dolphins.
not many people know, but chuck norris has a 3rd fist behind his beard.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity.
7 times. 8)
Chuck norris and Lance Armstrong were in a testicle counting contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
M.C Hammer found out the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this....
These are friggen hilarious! People are starting to look at me weird; maybe I should only read these at home!
Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Chuck Norris died over 20 years ago....... Death is afraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris let the dogs out, that's who.
Chuck Norris says "Screw the caribou, drill Alaska."
Don't believe me? Look it up.
Chuck Norris' kidney is considered a concealed weapon in 50 states.
Quote from: spolic on July 14, 2008, 11:25:27 AM
Chuck Norris says "Screw the caribou, drill Alaska."
Don't believe me? Look it up.
http://www.nationalreview.com/flashback/goldberg200503180758.asp
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird
Quote from: ducatizzzz on July 14, 2008, 11:50:35 AM
http://www.nationalreview.com/flashback/goldberg200503180758.asp
Really? You're going to try and turn a Chuck Norris thread into a political one? [roll]
[puke]
Quote from: SKOM on July 14, 2008, 12:14:05 PM
Really? You're going to try and turn a Chuck Norris thread into a political one? [roll]
[puke]
where was your whinging when spolic posted this?
Quote from: spolic on July 14, 2008, 11:25:27 AM
Chuck Norris says "Screw the caribou, drill Alaska."
Don't believe me? Look it up.
Quote from: ducatizzzz on July 14, 2008, 12:19:13 PM
where was your whinging when spolic posted this?
At least his included Chuck Norris.
Quote from: SKOM on July 14, 2008, 12:25:48 PM
At least his included Chuck Norris.
Mine did too, but you didn't bother noticing it.
Chuck Norris' breath made ANWR the shithole it is today.
Quote from: ducatizzzz on July 14, 2008, 12:30:30 PM
Mine did too, but you didn't bother noticing it.
Chuck Norris' breath made ANWR the shithole it is today.
[laugh]
I guess my firefox "CTRL + F" couldn't find it. :-\
(http://www.concurringopinions.com/archives/chuck-ethics.jpg)
Casey Stoners tires are made from stands of hair from Chucks beard.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
[bacon]
Really? You're going to try and turn a Chuck Norris thread into a bacon one? cool [thumbsup]
Chuck Norris doesn't drive with Run Flat Tires, if he get's a flat he just whips out some duct tape and a pen cap!
Oh, wait that's McGyver.
Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
When Chunk Norris wants to shave he scrapes his beard off with his fingernails...... because only Chuck Norris can cut Chuck Norris. [bacon]
There are no virgins chuck norris hasn F'd every woman alive
chuck norris' beard deflects bullets.
Chuck Norris does not disco, he is disco.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzPkXLmwGSw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzPkXLmwGSw)
Quote from: SKOM on July 14, 2008, 03:21:47 PM
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC.
[bacon]
Chuck Norris gets McDonald's breakfast at 1035
PM, I mean 2235. Chuck Norris is too bad ass to use a 12 hour clock.
Quote from: spolic on July 15, 2008, 10:04:33 AM
Chuck Norris does not disco, he is disco.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzPkXLmwGSw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzPkXLmwGSw)
Misthreaded post. That belongs in WTF?!
If Chuck Norris was capable of being injured, he would perform his own surgeries.
Quote from: Manny on July 15, 2008, 07:49:20 PM
If Chuck Norris was capable of being injured, he would perform his own surgeries.
then his name would be Rambo.
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3ec7cb2f90
Few more lil known facts about Chuck...
On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris threw it.
When Chuck Norris vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Chuck Norris never vomits.
Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.
The only thing Chuck Norris fears is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need to shower. Dirt is too scared to touch him.
Once a police officer pulled Chuck Norris over for speeding. The police officer walks up to the car and says “Guess how fast you were going?†Somehow Chuck Norris roundhouse kickes him in the face. Chuck Norris dosent guess, he knows.
Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.
Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris never losses at a hide-n-seak.
When Chuck Norris drinks the water in Mexico the water gets sick.
Chuck Norris can fart the alphabet backwards.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris doesn’t refer to his penis as Chuck Norris Jr. he refers to it as Chuck Norris Sr. because his penis is in fact 5 in. taller than Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris doesn’t use a razor to shave in the morning, he roundhouse kicks himself in the face… because the only thing hard enough to cut Chuck Norris, is Chuck Norris.
McGuyver once tried to give Chuck Norris advice on diffusing a bomb. Chuck Norris then disemboweled McGuyver using a plastic spoon, a wooden nickel, and the left arm of a midget… yes, a live midget.
Chuck Norris can take a number 2 standing up.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris was indeed the 4th wise man at Jesus birth, he gave him the gift of beard, which jesus sported all his life. The wisemen jealous of Chuck had him removed from the bible. he then round house kicked them.
JFK was not assasinated, after seeing Chuck Norris round house kick someone his head exploded out of shear awsomeness.
.
.
.
.
.
So does this count as both religous and political? Damn ima be banned aren't I?
Quote from: Latinbalar on July 31, 2008, 02:40:52 PM
Chuck Norris was indeed the 4th wise man at Jesus birth, he gave him the gift of beard, which jesus sported all his life. The wisemen jealous of Chuck had him removed from the bible. he then round house kicked them.
JFK was not assasinated, after seeing Chuck Norris round house kick someone his head exploded out of shear awsomeness.
.
.
.
.
.
So does this count as both religous and political? Damn ima be banned aren't I?
Nope, Chuck Norris will round house kick anyone trying to ban you because you posted on this thread. ;D
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was based on a true story. Chuck Norris once ate a turtle, and when he shit it out it was 6ft. tall and new Karate.
I'm surprised that no one hit on the fact that Chuck turned 70 yesterday!
Happy Birthday Chuck!
(http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/images/chuck-norris1.jpg)
Quote from: Monster Dave on March 11, 2010, 06:14:15 AM
I'm surprised that no one hit on the fact that Chuck turned 70 yesterday!
Happy Birthday Chuck!
(http://www.filmschoolrejects.com/images/chuck-norris1.jpg)
Yes I almost posted that and must have gotten distracted.
[bow_down] to Chuck!
Quote from: krolik on July 12, 2008, 08:55:45 AM
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
LOL - I just saw that on a T-shirt:
(http://media.80stees.com/images/extraLarge/CKNRS027_LG1.jpg)
http://www.80stees.com/products/Periodic-Table-Chuck-Norris-T-Shirt.asp (http://www.80stees.com/products/Periodic-Table-Chuck-Norris-T-Shirt.asp)
[laugh]
So, hypothetically, if Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood, riding Ducati's, had a head on collision what would happen???? Just Askin?
Quote from: WarrenJ on May 04, 2010, 02:52:41 PM
So, hypothetically, if Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood, riding Ducati's, had a head on collision what would happen???? Just Askin?
Already happened. It was about 13.9 billion years ago.
Little known fact about Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood -
Chuck Norris actually won the 1978 Isle of Man TT, well ahead of Mike Hailwood. But Chuck Norris was disqualified seconds after he crossed the finish line becuase he was riding a bicycle.
Quote from: Goat_Herder on May 04, 2010, 04:17:00 PM
Little known fact about Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood -
Chuck Norris actually won the 1978 Isle of Man TT, well ahead of Mike Hailwood. But Chuck Norris was disqualified seconds after he crossed the finish line becuase he was riding a bicycle.
[laugh] [clap] [bow_down]
[bacon] [bacon] [bacon]
Quote from: Goat_Herder on May 04, 2010, 04:17:00 PM
Little known fact about Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood -
Chuck Norris actually won the 1978 Isle of Man TT, well ahead of Mike Hailwood. But Chuck Norris was disqualified seconds after he crossed the finish line becuase he was riding a bicycle.
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Quote from: Goat_Herder on May 04, 2010, 04:17:00 PM
Little known fact about Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood -
Chuck Norris actually won the 1978 Isle of Man TT, well ahead of Mike Hailwood. But Chuck Norris was disqualified seconds after he crossed the finish line becuase he was riding a bicycle.
OMG you just made my day.... ROTFLMAO! [laugh]
Quote from: Goat_Herder on May 04, 2010, 04:17:00 PM
Little known fact about Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood -
Chuck Norris actually won the 1978 Isle of Man TT, well ahead of Mike Hailwood. But Chuck Norris was disqualified seconds after he crossed the finish line becuase he was riding a bicycle.
A+
[laugh]
Wikipedia shows that the fastest lap on the Nurburgring Nordschleife was 6:11.43 in a Porsche 956 in 1983
They are incorrect.
Chuck Norris did it in 5:43.22
In a canoe.
Without a paddle.
Somehow that's makes my framed pic of Mike the Bike on that famous day less meaning! Damn Chuck!!! And God Bless him!!! [laugh]
Quote from: fastwin on May 25, 2010, 06:13:43 PM
Somehow that's makes my framed pic of Mike the Bike on that famous day less meaning! Damn Chuck!!! And God Bless him!!! [laugh]
GOD doesn't bless Chuck Norris...
Quote from: Mother on May 25, 2010, 09:46:20 PM
GOD doesn't bless Chuck Norris...
... It's the other way around.
;)
chuck who?
There are no such things as tornadoes. Chuck Norris just really hates trailer parks.
[clap]
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick to meet another Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Quote from: Goat_Herder on May 04, 2010, 04:17:00 PM
Little known fact about Chuck Norris and Mike Hailwood -
Chuck Norris actually won the 1978 Isle of Man TT, well ahead of Mike Hailwood. But Chuck Norris was disqualified seconds after he crossed the finish line becuase he was riding a bicycle.
That has to be one of the funniest things I've ever read.
Nicely done.
[clap] [clap]
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
One day while filming "Walker: Texas Ranger" a lamb walked on to the set and fell over and died. Chuck Norris walked over and laid a hand on the lamb and brought it back to life. Chuck Norris then roundhouse kicked it in the face and broke its neck. He then turned to the rest of the crew and said "this is just to remind everyone the the good Chuck giveth and the good Chuck taketh away".
You can't use Google to find Chuck Norris, he finds you.
Seriously. Type "Where is Chuck Norris" and click "I'm Feeling Lucky" button and this is what you get:
(http://i690.photobucket.com/albums/vv270/drkmojo/googlechuck.jpg?t=1275044501)
I think I'm going to go hide now and pray. :-\
(http://sale.images.woot.com/Chucknoriumq3rDetail.png)
ha..damn you google..
God created the universe and everything in it in 6 days and on the 7th day he rested. Chuck Norris round house kicked him in the face and and said I can do it in 4.
Chuck Norris doesn't rest.
Quote from: duc750 on June 03, 2010, 09:49:02 AM
Chuck Norris doesn't rest.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep . . . he waits.
(http://www.nw32.com/media/photo/2009-09/23476790049760-24155744.jpg)
(http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t180/bobspapa/NEWCHUCK-1.jpg?t=1275595292)
(http://i160.photobucket.com/albums/t180/bobspapa/wcc.jpg?t=1275595249)
ha..
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1265/4668151590_9634943c1e_b.jpg)
Quote from: Scotzman on June 03, 2010, 05:37:02 PM
(http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1265/4668151590_9634943c1e_b.jpg)
Here's a new capture for that.
"it's all fun and game until Chuck Norris breaks your neck"
My cousin sent me this. She was going to class up at Univ of Minn. last week and saw this..
(http://i571.photobucket.com/albums/ss158/izaac10_album/ChuckNorrishall.jpg)
When a zombie bites Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris.
My wife and I saw the latest Total Gym commercial the other day.
They actually said "Chuck doesn't do push ups, he pushes the earth down"
we lol'd
[laugh]
Quote from: acalles on June 03, 2010, 11:01:32 AM
(http://www.nw32.com/media/photo/2009-09/23476790049760-24155744.jpg)
[laugh]
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door...
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone....
And most importantly, if at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
Quote from: spolic on July 15, 2008, 10:04:33 AM
Chuck Norris does not disco, he is disco.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzPkXLmwGSw (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzPkXLmwGSw)
WTF? [laugh]
In Case of Chuck Norris - Stop, Drop, and Die!
BRUCE LEE VS CHUCK NORRIS Full Fight. Bruce Lee DEATH MATCH (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqxnhmeMdJ4#normal)
Ok, what would happen if Bruce and chuck threw simultaneous punches
And their fists met at full speed? Big bang? Creation of a new universe?
no they would both say "ow that hurt." and Chuck Norris would say it smiling. [laugh]
Or, Chuck would use his other hand, draw his fully loaded Taurus 9mm and choose to pistol whip Bruce, as opposed to shooting him.
Sorry, Walker, Texas Ranger flashback.
Quote from: Monster Dave on October 29, 2010, 01:47:07 PM
BRUCE LEE VS CHUCK NORRIS Full Fight. Bruce Lee DEATH MATCH (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqxnhmeMdJ4#normal)
Well
I suppose that solves that
This thread is over
Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee (April 12 on CNBC) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcl81ldNODc#normal)
Maybe not
Quote from: psycledelic on October 30, 2010, 08:41:16 PM
Chuck Norris vs. Bruce Lee (April 12 on CNBC) (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mcl81ldNODc#normal)
Maybe not
"I want to kill the world champion"
and he did
again
thread over
I thought old Chuck was brimming with confidence in the interview.
Bruce wasn't killed by the family demon
he killed chuck norris and took over his body
Quote from: Mother on October 31, 2010, 06:44:40 PM
Bruce wasn't killed by the family demon
he killed chuck norris and took over his body
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
Bravo! [clap] [clap] [clap]
[bacon]
Quote from: Mother on October 31, 2010, 06:44:40 PM
Bruce wasn't killed by the family demon
he killed chuck norris and took over his body
Nice!
All that time, I was watchin' Bruce, Texas Ranger and didn't even know it. What's next, Matlock wasn't Andy Griffith. My entire childhood was a lie.
Looks like Chuck went Czech:
Chuck Norris and T-Mobile - Digital photo frame (czech commercial) [subtitles] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CStlEEH5QUo#normal)
Chuck Norris and T-Mobile- TV (czech commercial) [subtitles] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FNEoDeAXYU#normal)
...guess you only need to understand the important part....."Bruce Lee.?? No....Chuck Norris" [laugh]
[laugh]
Quote from: Monster Dave on October 29, 2010, 01:47:07 PM
BRUCE LEE VS CHUCK NORRIS Full Fight. Bruce Lee DEATH MATCH (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FqxnhmeMdJ4#normal)
Wow... It's interesting to see how poorly he adapted to a foreign fighting style. Although, I guess it's not that uncommon for Karate guys to not be able to do Kung Fu kicks.
Chuck Norris's mother has a tatoo that says "Chuck"
Time for a refresh:
Chuck Norris sneaked up behind Mother Nature and gave it to her doggy style. We know the event as The Big Bang.
Plate tectonics did not separate Pangea (see map). It was Chuck Norris practicing his roundhouse kicks.
(http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/cb/Pangaea_continents.svg/509px-Pangaea_continents.svg.png)
[laugh] [laugh]
This thread always cracks me up! ;D My step son just got a t-shirt that has a bunch of Chuck Norris-isms on the front. Funny stuff! [thumbsup]
Chuck Norris needed a punching bag, so he used the Sahara Mountain.
Watching TV the other day, I saw Chuck Norris doing a World of Warcraft commercial...
Chuck Norris is the reason Bill Belichek's hoodie has no sleeves.
(http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c174/cokey2/382647_2247084305645_1504302605_31909224_1218865655_n.jpg)
Hope this isnt a derby.
(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/hump-dar-35.jpg?w=500&h=526)
That's awesome!! [laugh] [laugh] Round house kicked the Nazis into surrender... while in diapers. [thumbsup]
(http://www.streetartutopia.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/street_art_mars_34_oakoak.jpeg)
http://www.streetartutopia.com/?p=5982 (http://www.streetartutopia.com/?p=5982)
Quote from: ItsaDuc on December 07, 2011, 08:47:34 PM
Hope this isnt a derby.
(http://thechive.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/hump-dar-35.jpg?w=500&h=526)
Too bad Chuck Norris was born on March 10th, 1940.
Quote from: Buckethead on December 11, 2011, 10:29:56 AM
(http://www.streetartutopia.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/street_art_mars_34_oakoak.jpeg)
http://www.streetartutopia.com/?p=5982 (http://www.streetartutopia.com/?p=5982)
[laugh]
[clap]
Sigh....
I used to love Chuck Norris and his multitude of accomplishments (many highlighted here), but all I can think about when I hear his name is how he's joined Jenny McCarthy in her anti-vaccine lunacy [bang] [bang] [bang]
:'(
Chuck norris is THE vaccine
If anyone has ever wondered... Yes, Chuck Norris kicked the habit.
(https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/-9PPELvPdA8o/T0_eyoeyZ-I/AAAAAAAACiE/0LREwNSJt40/s1440/Chuck%2520Norris%2520-%2520Google%2520Search.jpg)