I feel like Rat...or Piller...

[ZLTFUL]

Wow...didn't realize it has been this long since an update.

First, youngest daughter turned 17 this week. I asked her if she wanted to go visit her mom's to visit for Christmas and she flat out refused. She then asked if she could go to her aunt's house (her mom's sister) for a few days over Christmas break. During our conversation is comes out that Charlea is flat out tired of trying to be the adult and help her mom get better when it is clear that she doesn't (more on that below). School is still going well although, when pressed about what she wants to do after HS, she gets vague and non-committal. The unfortunate side effect of using your McDonalds manager "friends" as role models I guess. Hopefully she will get her head straightened out enough to focus on her future.
Right now, we have normal teenager problems and drama. Which is a vast improvement. So much so that her counselor finally relented and stated that Charlea only needs to see her when she feels like she wants to talk to someone other than friends/relatives.

Middle daughter is currently 8 months pregnant and living with her now husband. Neither of them have jobs and have this blatant "the state will take care of us" mentality that drives me bonkers. But I will stop with that as my rant would get too political.
She has been hosting her mother (more on that below) and apparently is entertained by her antics. Definitely something someone who is about to give birth needs in their life. /sarcasm
She has also been blasting me on Facebook about not letting her see her sister.
First, I work and am not willing to take time off from work or take my daughter out of school during the week to come visit her. When given the option on the weekends, my youngest daughter would rather have hours at work over visiting her sister. Second, I can't help it if her and her husband aren't working and don't have transportation to come up here. But apparently, I am "keeping her sister from seeing her". I called her out on it saying that maybe she should ask her sister if she would rather work/go to school or go visit her sister. 99 times out of 100, she will pick the former over the latter.


So my ex wife...where to start...
I do know that if I ever want to commit a felony, I am going to Missouri to do it.
So far, she has been in the hospital twice with overdoses. She had also moved into her Dad's place back in Iowa and had 4 "relapses" while there.
Her dad got sick of it and kicked her out so she went back to husband 3/4. They were living together in some shanty until they got kicked out of there. Now she is staying at my middle daughter's place and is definitely still using which was VERy evident from the videos my daughter has posted of her on Facebook.
Unfortunately, her sister and her mom keep enabling her/validating her. "It's OK Jenny...everyone has their own demons and just have to learn to live with them." and other asinine shit like that.
She hasn't reached out to Charlea in over 6 months but posts all kinds of bullshit on Facebook about how much she misses her.
I know that it is effecting my daughter as she worries about her but she is also at an age where she doesn't need the extra bullshit in her life.

Anyway, just wanted to throw up an update. For our part, things are going well. For their part, not so much but we have to focus on ours and they have to face theirs.

[Bladecutter]

Glad to hear that you and your youngest are on a healthy path, and that she has finally seen the difference between a messed up life, and a good life with her own eyes.

In a month, you get to be a grandparent!
Here's to hoping your future grand-kid somehow makes it through life, and survives it's mom and grandma's influences.

BC.

[Skybarney]

Ouch,  guess I am not gonna cry about having to chase my dog down a couple of miles from home.....

Sounds like a lot to deal with.  Funny thing about people, some will only learn the hard way and all the advice in the world won't change a thing....
I grew up with parents that thought it was okay for The State to care for them.  It isn't.  I however am not going to blame The State so my rant is not political.

Good luck with the family and thanks for reminding me why I am so very glad mine is small.   

[ZLTFUL]

Well, caught my youngest smoking again.

And lying to me about it repeatedly.

"I was just holding her cigarette for her..."
Uh, I watched you take several drags...see...here you are taking another drag in the video.

And it isn't even the smoking thing that bothers me. It is the incessant lying about everything from little shit all the way to this.

I have 3 simple rules.
Don't lie to me.
Be considerate to those around you.
Clean up after yourself.

And she continually just pisses on those rules like they are the toughest rules on the planet.
She has even been caught lying to her friends. "My dad won't help me buy a car because he is having a hard time with bills." is one she told her friend who asked her what she was looking at for her first car. I told her that I would match anything she saved towards a car up to $3k.
I told her I would help her shop too since I have been around cars and car dealerships my whole life.
In fact, I found her several potential first cars that I would have loved to owned in my 30s let alone my teens.

Some days I ask myself why I didn't get a vasectomy when I was 12.

[Bladecutter]

Welcome to parenthood.

Teenage girls suck, unless you're a teenage boy.

I had three of 'em for sisters, and watched my wife's teenage daughter turn into a young lady in her early 20's.
She's still a handful of "Why the hell can't you just do this/not do that?"

Good luck with that.

BC.

[The Architect]

My barber insisted I read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters.  I'm in the middle of reading it now.  Lots of common sense and it reaffirms my theory that some force out there is trying to label fathers as helpless buffoons and clowns. 

http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/0345499395

Zilbert, keep fighting the fight!


P.S. my barber is a very experienced former physiologist with a background in teenage girls. 

[GK]

Great book recommendations. I have two wonderful daughters, 11 and 9.
Thanks heaps.
I'm going to order them.

[GK]

Ordered the first one!

Cheers!

[stopintime]

Better?

[ZLTFUL]

You could say that. She moved out and moved in with my brother and sister in law expecting more freedom but was surprised to find out that my brother and I have the same set of rules.

But she has grown up considerably. She is going to college for elementary education and is an assistant substitute teacher with the Des Moines Public Schools in a special ed program.

We go out for lunch once or twice a month and she has apologized to me and my wife for the shit she pulled.

But she is also prone to making mistakes as we all were in our late teens.

She's doing well, my wife and I are doing well. My middle daughter is pregnant with her second child and getting a divorce from her husband who has cheated on her since before they were married.
My ex wife is now living in an assisted living facility since her dad passed away and she can't take care of herself.

[stopintime]

Better, not all bad, some very good - glad to hear 

[Howie]

Better, not all bad, some very good - glad to hear 

Ditto on that.