War of the Rats

[RAT900]

All I can say is that I would not want to be that rat when you do catch it

Are you going to get an aluminum baseball bat and do a Mortar and Pestle job on it?

[KnightofNi]

All I can say is that I would not want to be that rat when you do catch it

Are you going to get an aluminum baseball bat and do a Mortar and Pestle job on it?

something we all should have learned long ago...don't mess with a mom.

[WarrenJ]

Referring to this "rat" in the singular is probably wishfull thinking if I remember by biology correctly.

[RAT900]

Not always the case...sometimes one will venture out and attempt to colonize and if it establishes,,, it will send for a mail-order bride from back home

might be the case here since this one is acting like it isn't getting laid much

Reference 19th Century US Imperialist Territorial Expansion and perhaps the earlier Frontiersmen of the 17th and 18th centuries in North America, Grizzly Adams, Dan Boone etc

[Grappa]

We considered impaling him on a pike outside the village as a warning to the others, but we figured nah, too dramatic 

I lived in a house with rat issues for years.  You could hear them in the walls at night mostly, but occasionally they would get into the house.  Exterminator guy would come along every few months and set out poison.  They would disappear for a short while, but sooner or later you could hear more of them in the walls.  It really sucked to wake up in the morning and see that the fruit you had on the counter top had been gnawed on.  And the bastards wouldn't just eat one piece of fruit, or just one banana of the bunch.  They would have to stick their diseased teeth into every piece of fruit and every banana in the bunch.  And, occasionally you would start to notice a certain smell that would get more and more pronounced every day.  The smell of death.  But the bastards would often die somewhere in the walls, and there was no way to get to them.  Just the horrible stink.  And all the flies buzzing around the doors and windows, trying to get INTO the house.  It really just sucked.  Made it feel like the home wasn't mine anymore.  One time we were able to trace the smell to the stove.  Had to mostly dismantle the thing (electric stove) to finally find the bastard.  Seems he/she started to chew on the power cord where it connects on the inside of the stove and got zapped.  Finding a rat that has been dead for days and having to pick it up with gloved hand or other improvised device always made me gag.  They are HUGE in Hawaii. 

It had gotten to the point where you didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, because you would be afraid of encountering a rat or two.  Not to mention the knowledge that every surface in your house has had rats on it, doing their rat things.  Rugs, floors, furniture, beds, counter tops, the top of the fridge, closets, the pantry, inside clothing drawers, shelves, desks.  Everywhere. 

And coming home at night to an empty house was something to be feared as well.  That's when they felt most comfortable to explore and creep around, like the place was theirs.  One night, I just totally snapped.

I had come home late after a night at work.  Was standing in the kitchen having a drink, when I thought I heard something in the living room.  I froze, and listened.  Sure enough, I heard a bit of nibbling going on beneath the couch.  I was PISSED!  I quickly and quietly sprung into action.  There were two exits from the living room, neither equipped with a door.  I grabbed a large picture off the wall and placed it across one exit, making sure it would sit flush, with no gaps for the rat to squeeze through.  For the other door, I used the glass top to the coffee table, carefully putting it into place.  Looked around for a weapon, and decided on the kitchen broom.  Downed a shot of bourbon in the kitchen (I make the beast with two backsing hate rats) and went into the war zone. 

I was pissed.  Pissed that I was too poor to live in a house without rats.  Pissed at my job.  Pissed at my life in general at that point.  But mainly pissed because I really just wanted to go to sleep, and I was tired of ceding the house to the rats.  Tired of waking to the sound of rats scurrying around in the ceiling right above my head.  So I went into the living room, armed with broom, and got on top of the couch. 

There is a certain bit of nervous anticipation when you can hear something first, and you know it's there, and you know exactly what it is, but you haven't seen it yet.  And you know that when you see it, it will startle you, because it just seems so out of place.

Gripping the broom, I started wacking it against all sides of the couch.  Within a few moments, I saw the little bastard come out and quick as lightning run underneath the adjoining chair.  I hopped on top of that, and proceeded to smack the chair with said broom, and the rat ran for the couch again.  The make the beast with two backser was FAST.  Onto the couch again, and the rat makes a break for the t.v. stand on the other side of the room.  I go chasing after him/her, swinging with all my might at the little bastard, cursing, yelling, but missing every time.  Rat changed direction multiple times, erratically.  Made a beeline for the exit, blocked by the painting, tried to jump it.  The make the beast with two backser could JUMP, but not high enough.  That gave me pause and fear, seeing the little bastard take to the air like that.  I make the beast with two backsing hate rats.  He/she decided to head back to the living room, all the way dodging my broom with ease.  Anyone watching would have likely laughed their asses off, as it was reminiscent of a Tom & Jerry cartoon, me chasing and cursing and swinging and missing and knocking shit over and breaking stuff in the process.  The rat made a couple more evasive moves, went under the couch again, and when I flushed it from the couch once more, it headed for the second exit.  The bastard knew my house like the back of its paw.  This was to be his/her fatal mistake.  Scurrying full speed towards the doorway, the rat banged into the glass coffee table top.  This shocked the rat for a split second, confused it for a brief moment.  That gave me enough time to finally connect the broom to the rat.  The broom not being a very solid or heavy rat killing device, merely startled the rat, set him/her off balance.  It scurried a quick circle, tried running along it's familiar pathway back to the kitchen, blocked by an object that was never there before in the shape of the glass coffee table top, tried jumping a few times.  Bleh!  I connected a few more times, each blow knocking the rat into a bit more of a confused stupor, slowing him/her down more and more.  By this time I think both of us were out of breath.  Finally the rat slowed enough that I was able to connect 2 really solid hits.  The rat went belly up, his/her body shuddering a bit, then, nothing.  I waited and waited, broom cocked and ready for another blow.  I yelled and cursed at the rat to get back up, because I wanted to hit it again.  I waited a few minutes actually, nudging the rat a few times with the broom, hoping it would come back to life again so that I could beat it into death once more.  The rat never came to, so I swept it out onto the deck, watching carefully for signs of life.  I grabbed a machete that was outside, and in one fell swoop, decapitated the little make the beast with two backser, and left the remains there overnight as a warning to any and all of his/her friends.  After all that, I had another drink.  I make the beast with two backsing hate rats.

In the coming two weeks, my roommate and I took to the yard, trimming back trees that connected to the roof, trimming back bushes away from the windows, shored up a couple of holes that lead underneath the house (It was post and pier foundation.)  Rented a giant tree chipper and removed a pile of brush and crap from the backyard.  Seemed to make the difference, but I was only there for 3 more months after that.

That, is my rat story.

[Stella]

Oh, the rat went for it the first night.

Loved the peanut butter.  Then proceeded to have the runs in the kitchen.

Ok add a little probiotics into the peanut butter to help their digestion.

[KnightofNi]

Ok add a little probiotics into the peanut butter to help their digestion.

make them better before you kill them....

[Stella]

'xactly.

[RAT900]

My stepdaughter and I finally went down to the basement the other week so she could do her laundry

she has been living in the house for 2 months since my daughter and SiL (sorta) has moved out

She was out of clean clothes and had been reluctant to go down there alone to hit the machines

So equipped with baseball bat and a stout extension pole for the paint rollers we made our way down.....

for her benefit I was banging on the walls and in my best Tent Revival/Televangelist drawl I shouted " Begone foul beast of satan" several times

she started laughing...we both did

We cleaned out the entire laundry area which sits within the old stonework of the former coal bin for the house, old tarps and paint cans, scrap wood galore etc etc

we assessed the entire finished side and dirt side of the cellar so she knows her way around it and what it looks like

nothing is worse than leaving your imagination to visualize some things

so while she isn't big on going down there she at least is ok enough to do her laundry

and she still bangs on the walls and shouts Begone Foul Beast of Satan just to be sure as she heads down there

the girl is a trooper

[fastwin]

Grappa, Now that's a make the beast with two backsing rat story!!

My ex-wife and I years ago loved to put out bird feeders. We had a nice bird bath too. The ex was also into composting everything, especially kitchen/veggie waste. You guessed it... make the beast with two backsing rat heaven! Bird seed, water, compost, etc. They used the telephone line from the alley pole to the house like a damn highway! It was funny to watch when two met going in opposite directions. I always enjoyed hanging out on the patio at night, cigar and drink in hand with the pumped and loaded Feinwerkbau pellet gun at the ready. Good clean entertainment. Probably the best part of that marriage.

[RAT900]

Grappa loved the story and you are right they are demoralizing to deal with....and it is a hell of a lot easier to keep them away than it is to get rid of them once they have decided to mark your abode

I don't waste a lot of energy hating many things but I have got plenty of energy when it comes to vermin especially rats

[Buckethead]

They're right up there with mimes.

[somegirl]

So at a closer look on the second version of the trap, it did not actually eat the PB, it spun the bottle.  Must have felt it moving and got spooked.

Do I spike the bait to make it more exciting?

Or should I try hanging bait like this? 

In the interest of time I will probably just try spiking the bait for tonight, maybe actually move it closer to the ramp.  I have to confess that I went and bought bacon bits for the rat today. .

[WarrenJ]

One issue I have with the bucket traps - I'm pretty certain a motivated rat can jump out of a 5 gallon pail pretty easily.  You may have caught it several times already.

[somegirl]

One issue I have with the bucket traps - I'm pretty certain a motivated rat can jump out of a 5 gallon pail pretty easily.  You may have caught it several times already.

I have water in the bottom.