It's that time of year again...

[1.21GW]

http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/the-2014-haters-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-catalog-1667452305/+robharvilla

I wouldn't be surprised to find out that this was ghost written by Rudemouthsky.  So much rage.  But also, hilarious.   

[Speedbag]

 

"There are dustings and sprinklings and twee little bows, all perfectly arranged for your perfect little evening of perfect holiday entertaining with your perfect neighbor guests and your perfect children standing by the table in their john-johns and singing gaily to you all as you pipe fresh, warm cognac into each other's butts."

[duccarlos]

I really want to read this, but I'm sitting at a customer office and a lady decided to go into labor.

[Triple J]

Classic!  I need to get a copy of this catalog!

A couple of my favorites:

Let me tell you something: If my kid went through college and then told me he wanted to follow his dream of being an artisanal candymaker named Williamsburg Wonka, I would beat his ass. No remorse. We don't need this many people trying to elevate candy.

I wanna meet the couple (and it has to be a couple) who share such an obsession with coffee that they need to drop two grand on a NASA-designed espresso spaceship that grinds every burr to a precise atomic measurement and heats up your coffee cup to a temperature that was calibrated using advanced fractals. I wanna find this couple, and then piss in their coffee. I really do.

[1.21GW]

"Pay me $80, and I'll come to your house with a bag of flour, and then I'll kick you in the shins. The kick is gluten-free."

Gluten-free kick.  






For more fun, check out prior years' editions of the Hater's Guide to WS.  Just as good:

http://deadspin.com/the-2013-haters-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-catalog-1481230580

http://deadspin.com/5959212/the-haters-guide-to-the-williams-sonoma-catalog

[Triple J]

^^ Thanks 

One from 2012: 

Why have an ordinary rimjob when you can add just a touch of Madagascar vanilla? That's how classy folk do their rimming.

[brimo]

no idea who "williams sonoma" is but it could be translated to any xmas catalogue


"Yes, a hot chocolate pot. Because a fondue pot wasn't quite useless enough. Hey, you know what other kind of pot is good for making hot chocolate? A POT."

[Skybarney]

My aunt wanted a pasta maker last Christmas so I got her the best one I could find.  Went to Williams Sonoma to pick it up and was horrified.  Not only did they have to run a credit check before I could walk in the store but they made me park my work truck down the street.

$350.00 dollars later my aunt had her dream machine.  To date she has used it twice; The first time it made glue as my uncle used a hair to much water.  The second time I had to come over to make sure the directions were followed implicitly as they were afraid of having to spend two more hours cleaning it.  It took over 45 minutes to make pasta not counting boiling time. 

Only $350.00 for that meal......  IMO Sonoma Williams and that pasta maker have a few things in common.  They are both over priced, useless and best left for those that like high maintenance goods and women. 

Merry Christmas. 

[Triple J]

I consider cooking one of my hobbies, and actually don't mind Williams Sonoma. They actually have some quality items in the store, at decent prices. You just have to pay attention to what you're getting is all. Some of their small cookbooks are really good.   Some of the stuff in their catalog is comical to say the least though.

$350 for a pasta maker? WTF! A pasta maker is nothing more that a press with different blade attachments! You can get nice hand crank ones for less than $50, or the Kitchen Aid stand mixer attachment (which works great) for about $200 (which is admittedly expensive). Making pasta definitely takes practice, but after you get it down it's pretty quick and tastes way better!  

[Skybarney]

It is an automatic pasta maker.  All you do is premix the eggs and oil then dump it in the bowl and close the lid.  That of course is after you pick the proper extrusion shape.

Over priced pos that is a serious PITA to clean.  Pasta was okay, not great.

[1.21GW]

My grandma hailed from Italy and her familiy opened about a bazillion italian restaurants around Pittsburg when they immigrated here in the 1910s.  In my whole life I never saw her use anything but knives, pots & pans, wax paper, rolling pins, or similar basic kitchen utensils to make what were consistently delicious meals of all sorts (not just Italian faire).  I have no doubt that many of your mothers or grandmothers were equally talented and minimalist in their approach.

Pretty much all of those catalog items are superfluous, which I've confirmed by every time I've ever had the misfortune to use someone's sandwich maker, cookie dollop-er, radish peeler, individual waffler pourer, or any other highly specific instrument that people have made the mistake of allowing me to try.  The goal of many of these is to save time or avoid mistakes, but that never seems to be the result, especially when time for cleaning the individual waffle pourer is taken into account.  As for mistakes, well, anyone misguided enough to think using a hot cocoa-specific pot will improve their hot cocoa will no doubt find a way to mess that simple task up.

I can't say much for the books at W&S and have no reason to doubt Triple J's testimony.  Maybe I'll pick one up.  

[1.21GW]

They actually have some quality items in the store, at decent prices.

I am reminded that "decent" is a relative term.  

[Triple J]

I have their pancake/waffle book (no mention of a special batter delivery device in it  ), and the crème brulee book. Both good.   Cookbooks are a bit outdated given that you can find whatever you want on the interwebs generally, but I still like them. I still buy music CDs too though.  

I don't think I use any specialty cooking items either...food processor is about as fancy as I get. I'm cheap and have very limited cupboard space. My 8" chefs knife is about the only knife I use as well (despite having several others).

[Triple J]

I am reminded that "descent" is a relative term. 

True (assuming you meant decent, and we're not discussing DH mtn. biking now  ), and people's purchasing philosophy also is different.

I was just pointing out that the entire store isn't as absurd as some of their catalog items.

[1.21GW]

True (assuming you meant decent, and we're not discussing DH mtn. biking now  ), and people's purchasing philosophy also is different.

I was just pointing out that the entire store isn't as absurd as some of their catalog items.

Already corrected, but you were too fast for me.