ask Danny Bonaduce anything.
kick a midget. (no matter how tempting it is)
buy underwear at Goodwill.
hump a hedgehog. ( Ron or animal)
Have Tupac fix your teeth ( http://www.wellness.com/dir/2071239/dentist/ca/bakersfield/robert-g-tupac-dds-fa-cp-inc)
fix the effect. (fix the cause)
use a baby as relationship paste.
buy a tv on credit.
Quote from: bobspapa on June 03, 2008, 11:34:38 AM
use a baby as relationship paste.
+11tyb
I don't have any children but I see it all the time.
How about... buy a track bike instead of the down payment on the house you were going to buy.
adults wearing crocs & shorts
buy tickets to a mime opera.
lick electrical wires or a payphone handset.
toss a 9volt battery into a pile of steelwool.
loan Doug Henning money.
Quote from: mitt on June 03, 2008, 11:44:11 AM
adults wearing crocs & shorts
Why narrow it that far? If you wear Crocs, you deserve to be eaten by one. No matter your age, gender, country of origin - there is no excuse. And if you wear them with socks? A spooning.
pick Bohemian Rhapsody at karaoke night
say "get'r done"
buy anything from pajamagram for fathersday. (hint)
wear shorts to court.
answer the question "what are you thinking" truthfully.
sell your monster
think of Joel as anything but a big kid
Quote from: darylbowden on June 03, 2008, 11:51:39 AM
Why narrow it that far? If you wear Crocs, you deserve to be eaten by one. No matter your age, gender, country of origin - there is no excuse. And if you wear them with socks? A spooning.
Never watch the "Sex and the City" movie. [laugh]
go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line?
leave your wingman?
answer "can that thing do a burnout?" with "i don't see why not." (then redline it, and dump the clutch.)
send important documents overseas with USPS (don't ask how i know... >:()
watch any of the films reviewed in somethingawful (http://www.somethingawful.com)'s "horrors of porn" section.
wear legwarmers.
chew your toenails.
make the minimum payment.
make things fair for kids.
buy cheese in a alley.
marry a carny.
Try to blow up a wasp's nest in a cinder block wall with 10 M80s and look in the dark hole when you don't hear the bang fast enough and become temporarily blinded with wasp corpses and cinder block. (ask me when I was 10 how I know ;D)
grab your dads junk
pee in your leathers (it's not the same as a wetsuit)
have your friend punch you in the face, to get out of work, and go to an Echo and the Bunnymen concert. (just call in sick)
Iron naked.
buy a tattoo off the rack.
Shoot a BB gun straight at a brick wall.
Go tour with the Dead with another girl because your GF said it was O.K.
Let your buddy borrow your (bike, car, GF, anything you value).
Paris Hilton.
Quote from: bobspapa on June 03, 2008, 11:59:09 AM
buy anything from pajamagram for fathersday. (hint)
I won't. Promise. ;D
trust anybody named Ted
eat powdered doughnuts at a funeral
buy hotdog seconds
eat bologna jerky
go into a business venture with Danny Pedrosa, where you sell file folders, and he insists on naming the company "PedroFiles"
Spell the plural of "bee" with an 's.
Quote from: lilysmama on June 03, 2008, 01:41:24 PM
Spell the plural of "bee" with an 's.
let it go.
[laugh]
Don't leave your opened cell phone bill where ANYONE can read it.
Don't teach your significant other how to clean the cache and cookies off the computer.
Don't fool around with the hot neighbor.
Never hook up with someone with known ties to the mafia.
PS - See my sig line...
Sounds like you are speaking from experience..... :-\ :(
Quote from: bobspapa on June 03, 2008, 12:25:54 PM
wear legwarmers.
buy cheese in a alley.
I drank bootleg tequila in a back alley when I was in Mexico once.
Quote from: Stu Pedasso on June 03, 2008, 02:39:05 PM
I drank bootleg tequila in a back alley when I was in Mexico once.
thats on my list of things one should do.
jackas's's's's's's's's's!
Quote from: bobspapa on June 03, 2008, 11:59:09 AM
answer the question "what are you thinking" truthfully.
i take issue with that. if you ask me a question expect to get an honest answer.
life is too short to for those games.
marry a guy w/o a high school diploma [cheeky]
:-*
Let Randall broker a bike/house/car/date deal for you.
Light a match stick between your lips.
Talk reason with the fiancee when she is hormonally imbalanced.
Allow your friend who is a bad Driver borrow your H1 Hummer
Get a Sushi Chef Shit Faced
Quote from: Gearhead_42 on June 03, 2008, 12:14:08 PM
go in against a Sicilian, when death is on the line?
And never get involved in a land war in asia.
Quote from: bobspapa on June 03, 2008, 12:25:54 PM
...buy cheese in a alley..
there's truck that sells seafood in a local hardware store parking lot on Saturdays....I think I'd add that to the list
I can't believe no one mentioned this yet:
Don't piss into the wind (both literally and figuratively speaking)
"watch out where the huskies go,
don't you eat the yellow snow"
-F. Zappa
Quote from: DesmoDiva on June 03, 2008, 05:23:51 PM
"watch out where the huskies go,
don't you eat the yellow snow"
-F. Zappa
[clap] [clap] [clap] [clap]
"i'll ignore your cheap aroma,
and your little bo peep diploma.
I'll just put you in a coma
with my dirty love."
invade Russia, and not conquer the country before winter sets in
Eat a "head" or "tongue" taco from a big chrome van with "MEXICO" spray painted on its side, parked across the street from the DMV.....
There might not be any left when I make the 12 mile trek to get a few....thems good!
Never light a fart when bare-assed.
(See, the underwear serves as a sort of flame-arrester and protects......oh, never mind).
eat a boatload of KimChee the night before a 4 hour plane ride...
get off the toilet to throw up..... 8)
Date a hooker.
Leave the shower to pee
Argue politics with Ducatizzz!
Talk politics/religion while drunk.
Rev your Engine to warn others around but forget to pull the clutch in
Quote from: ROBsS4R on June 03, 2008, 06:01:08 PM
Leave the shower to pee
mention that to someone you share a shower with
Quotemention that to someone you share a shower with
Who do you think I learned from ;D
Quote from: msincredible on June 03, 2008, 06:20:23 PM
mention that to someone you share a shower with
it is not something you do with someone else in the shower. :-\
Quote from: DesmoDiva on June 03, 2008, 06:22:39 PM
it is not something you do with someone else in the shower. :-\
I know someone who would argue that point...
[evil]
(http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3257/2550137038_36e3eb9d4d.jpg?v=0)
Rub Tiger Balm on your lolly bag. ;)
Quote from: Toe Rag on June 03, 2008, 09:15:11 PM
Rub Tiger Balm on your lolly bag. ;)
I hope that is not speaking from personal experience! :o
My hand slipped.
Honestly!
>:(
Quote from: Super T.I.B on June 03, 2008, 09:20:33 PM
My hand slipped.
Honestly!
>:(
slipped from rubbing tiger balm on your ...? eeyew.. i just can't face the day now..
Quote from: ducatizzzz on June 04, 2008, 03:18:38 AM
slipped from rubbing tiger balm on your ...? eeyew.. i just can't face the day now..
[laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [laugh]
I strained my groin playing rugby, rubbed a bit down there and I guess it got too close to my crackers.
Burned like a pregnant dog!
Picture smacking crackers with cold water. >:(
go to bed with verticalscope
buy any type of appliance or work related item for your wife or SO (advice from my mother that has served well so far)
argue with your wife over little shit (she's gonna win anyway so give up the fight before it begins)
borrow bobspapa's wet suit [laugh]
use ROBsS4R's shower :-X
(1) Go on a day-long canoe trip while hung over. Take cold pastrami sandwiches for lunch.
or
(2) Get extremely drunk using only rootbeer schnapps.
Quote from: Maggie Q on June 05, 2008, 06:28:07 AM
splain to us lucy...
he said he peed in the shower.
that's disgusting.
people should only pee in the sink to save water.
get a brazilian wax immediately before embarking on a long roadtrip
play with a creme brulee torch while drunk
and a +1 to dating anyone in the mafia
reply to this post while peeing in the shower with someone with known ties to the mafia and a creme brulee torch.
Quote from: elTreesto on June 05, 2008, 10:42:16 AM
reply to this post while peeing in the shower on an intoxicated person who eats turkey bacon with known ties to the mafia who is holding a creme brulee torch.
Just a little elaboration for you.
Quote from: DesmoDiva on June 03, 2008, 02:20:06 PM
Sounds like you are speaking from experience..... :-\ :(
Late in commenting...
The dating someone with mafia ties is my colleague. The last few weeks of his life hasn't been fun...
The other ones, 3 for 3.
Couple more from personal experience...
Never get drunk at a lesbian bar if you're NOT A LESBIAN!
Never ride your motorcycle if you have a bad feeling about the ride you're about to take.
Don't be sloppy with aerosol chain cleaning spray.
Don't start a project without the proper tools!
Quote from: tommys67 on June 05, 2008, 11:16:30 AM
Don't start a project without the proper tools!
Psh
then how do you justify spending money on more tools?
Quote from: Mother on June 05, 2008, 11:18:36 AM
then how do you justify spending money on more tools?
eggzachary [thumbsup]
Never... forget to check your references.
yes, all mine come from movies... I'm worthless at this ish
Quote from: tommys67 on June 05, 2008, 11:16:30 AM
Don't start a project without the proper tools!
I do this often and refuse to learn from my mistake [cheeky]
Lick a steak knife
try to be bishop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZqTWOgAJ3g
unless your this guy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VG443nIbpXA&feature=related
Quote from: tommys67 on June 05, 2008, 11:16:30 AM
Never get drunk at a lesbian bar if you're NOT A LESBIAN!
what, exactly, will the lebanese ladies do to a drunk straight male?
While playing Scrabble, find a place to put a single, 1 point letter on the scrabble board resulting in 45 points for myself...
JM
Quote from: abby normal on June 06, 2008, 06:31:24 AM
what, exactly, will the lebanese ladies do to a drunk straight male?
not Lebanese, they are from Lebanon.
Lesbian. They are from the Greek island of Lesbos.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbos_Island
Quote from: ducatizzzz on June 06, 2008, 07:48:29 AM
not Lebanese, they are from Lebanon.
Lesbian. They are from the Greek island of Lesbos.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbos_Island
Are these bars dicriminating? Why are Lebanese women banned?
Quote from: the_Journeyman on June 06, 2008, 07:33:11 AM
While playing Scrabble, find a place to put a single, 1 point letter on the scrabble board resulting in 45 points for myself...
JM
Never play scrabble with a teacher.
mix liquid plumber and draino
Quote from: kenrok1 on June 06, 2008, 08:18:50 AM
mix liquid plumber and draino in a closed room with flammable materials around
you can mix them, just be careful ;D
Quote from: Bick on June 06, 2008, 08:02:12 AM
Never play scrabble with a teacher.
Never play pool with a physics major. At least not for money, anyway.
Quote from: ducatizzzz on June 06, 2008, 07:48:29 AM
not Lebanese, they are from Lebanon.
Lesbian. They are from the Greek island of Lesbos.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbos_Island
it was humor, but thanks for the correction.
Quote from: Obsessed? on June 06, 2008, 08:27:51 AM
Never play pool with a physics major. At least not for money, anyway.
or an engineer [evil]
Quote from: Gearhead_42 on June 06, 2008, 11:34:46 AM
or an engineer [evil]
or a math major that specialized in geometry.
she was really good, and only actually pulled out a ruler once.
Quote from: KnightofNi on June 06, 2008, 12:18:33 PM
or a math major that specialized in geometry.
she was really good, and only actually pulled out a ruler once.
Please tell me it was to discipline you [evil]
Quote from: Pakhan on June 06, 2008, 03:08:16 PM
Please tell me it was to discipline you [evil]
no, it was to make sure of the distance between her points.
Slam you Dick in a Car door
Maybe NSFW
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xBr98Nji-mA&hl=en"></param>
Oh God!
Must!
Breathe!
Laughing...
Too...
Hard...
Passing out now...
Quote from: CairnsDuc on June 07, 2008, 02:42:26 PM
Slam you Dick in a Car door
Maybe NSFW
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/xBr98Nji-mA&hl=en"></param>
Oh man...
I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard...
Thanks [thumbsup]
Quote from: ROBsS4R on June 03, 2008, 05:01:19 PM
Talk reason with the fiancee when she is hormonally imbalanced.
Allow your friend who is a bad Driver borrow your H1 Hummer
Get a Sushi Chef Shit Faced
Done.
Quote from: tommys67 on June 03, 2008, 02:03:51 PM
Don't fool around with the hot neighbor.
Never hook up with someone with known ties to the mafia.
Done.
Quote from: ROBsS4R on June 03, 2008, 06:15:22 PM
Rev your Engine to warn others around but forget to pull the clutch in
Done.
Quote from: ducatizzzz on June 03, 2008, 05:56:44 PM
Date a hooker.
Done.
Quote from: rgramjet on June 03, 2008, 05:54:43 PM
get off the toilet to throw up..... 8)
Done.
Quote from: kenrok1 on June 06, 2008, 08:18:50 AM
mix liquid plumber and draino
Done.
Ok, I think I just about completed the task list. Oh, wait (re-reads subject line), "things one should never do". Please excuse me.
But here are a couple I have never done.
Masturbate with a heavy equipment.
http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1998-10.html (http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1998-10.html)
Have dinner with a cannibal.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes)
Wear white shorts.
Not paying a cabbie in Cd. Jaurez
Slamming your Dick in a Door is one thing........... (Tried that Bob?)
But having a flog of your log while leaning against a belt sander is just pushing your luck a little to far,
You just have to know that one day that's going to end in tears! (And an Interesting use of a Staple Gun [puke])
http://www.darwinawards.com/stupid/stupid1998-10.html
But....
Having said that......
That Makita cordless drill is looking mighty cute...Er, Just Give me a few minutes
Well, Hello Miss Makita [wine]
Sneeze in a full face helmet.
Quote from: Super T.I.B on June 08, 2008, 03:56:07 PM
Sneeze in a full face helmet.
Vomit in a full face helmet.
1. dance and flirt with a chick at a wedding reception, who later turns out to be all of sixteen years old.
2. have friends who happily give her your phone number.
(:P)
Quote from: zarn02 on June 10, 2008, 10:00:26 PM
1. dance and flirt with a chick at a wedding reception, who later turns out to be all of sixteen years old.
2. have friends who happily give her your phone number.
(:P)
You didn't get her a drink too, did you?!
:-X
Quote from: IZ on June 10, 2008, 10:12:42 PM
You didn't get her a drink too, did you?!
:-X
fortunately, she left before i did, and thusly i wasn't able to do anything untoward. [roll]
Quote from: zarn02 on June 10, 2008, 10:25:55 PM
fortunately, she left before i did, and thusly i wasn't able to do anything untoward. [roll]
All depends which of the 50 states you were in at the time [evil]
Yes, I'm a dirty old man...
Quote from: someguy on June 08, 2008, 09:20:54 PM
Vomit in a full face helmet.
Vomit through your SCUBA regulator. :P
Quote from: krolik on June 11, 2008, 08:36:49 AM
Vomit through your SCUBA regulator. :P
Arent you "supposed to" if so inclined while at depth? [puke]
i think the correct answer to that question is "swallow or drown"
Quote from: someguy on June 08, 2008, 09:20:54 PM
Vomit in a full face helmet.
I did this four times, the first four stages of Targa Newfoundland, it was the first time I ever navigated. My nickname for the week was The Puker. The following year when I went back one of the first people I ran into goes "Puker Welcome back." Not a good experience.
Quote from: rgramjet on June 11, 2008, 08:50:27 AM
Arent you "supposed to" if so inclined while at depth? [puke]
Go ahead and vomit through it. Once you're settled, then clean it out. The problem is that the first thing you do after you purge is take a deep breath. Leave the reg in.
You probably shouldn't masturbate with a sandpaper glove and rubbing alcohol.
NEVER play with matches in a dynamite factory.
And NEVER under any circumstances no matter how cruelly amusing it could possibly be take a busload of Jerry's Kids on a tour of a magnet factory.
(Yes, I know I am going to hell but you laughed too.) [evil]
Use ammonia and bleach to scrub the floor.
Had a roommate do it. Trip to the hospital followed.
Replace the label on this:
(http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj219/Putz37/4107EBBX7PL_SL160_.jpg)
with the label on this:
(http://i273.photobucket.com/albums/jj219/Putz37/21RWH07RGHL.jpg)
and return it to your friends med cabinet, who uses deodorant for more than his pits :-X
Never say "Its a Minkman" to someone that calls themself "Minkman"..... ;D
Tell the boss's wife, who is working part time in the office, to "quit whining and just do it" when she complains about a difficult customer's request.
never, ever, pay for an extended warrenty :P
Quote from: rgramjet on June 11, 2008, 03:11:50 PM
Never say "Its a Minkman" to someone that calls themself "Minkman"..... ;D
Some one's dog has left something under your chair.
Gotcha. It's a Minkman. <shrug>
Old SNL reference for those who are clueless.
Get emotionally attached to your heroin-addict girlfriend (she was hot + hid it well @ first, believe me!!)
Start your bike for a crowd of co-workers while standing next to it and forget it's in 1st...
Swim in a public pool with a horrid case of the runs (read: evacuation) Hey, I was like 5!!
Jump a dirtbike and land in a rut w/no helmet on (broken nose, sprained neck + 4 teeth knocked out)
Drink, drive, and crash into a parked unmarked police cruiser... [roll] (ahh, those glorious teenage years)
Drink, drive, roll your (my) 5.0 Mustang, flee the scene + run to a friends house, sleep the night there, and wander into the police station the next morning asking them if they "happened to find a 1994 Mustang upside down on West st.." [roll]
Call your boss awful insults while he's standing right behind you.. [bang]
Back into a clients' $20,000 marble statue on a riding mower while landscaping, cracking it in half...
Tell a girl you think her nose-piercing is cute, only to have her respond; "It's actually a mole.." :-X
-That's all I got for now.... ;D
Quote from: minkman on June 11, 2008, 11:40:57 AM
Use ammonia and bleach to scrub the floor.
Had a roommate do it. Trip to the hospital followed.
An acquaintance of a friend did it. Trip to the morgue followed. :-X
Quote from: mitt on June 03, 2008, 11:44:11 AM
adults wearing crocs & shorts
how about simply 'adults wearing crocs'?
in light of recent circumstances i'd like to add one more...
pass up an opportunity to meet fellow dmf'rs
Quote from: bobspapa on June 27, 2013, 04:25:54 PM
in light of recent circumstances i'd like to add one more...
pass up an opportunity to meet fellow dmf'rs
especially ones from Bakersfield even if they're afraid of bee's.
Quoteespecially ones from Bakersfield even if they're afraid of bee's.
Afraid of a bee's what?
get caught.
Admit anything.....