Good one!

My wife has been missing for two weeks. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I went to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

 

I was dating a blind girl and she told me I had the biggest penis she had ever felt. I said "you're pulling my leg".

Quote from: peeny on February 28, 2012, 09:55:27 PM
I was dating a blind girl and she told me I had the biggest penis she had ever felt. I said "you're pulling my leg".

that deserves such a Waldorf and Statler laugh, but all I'm givin ya is a Fozzie Bear wokka wokka wokka

 Beautiful story


 One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men
 along the road-side eating grass.

 Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

 He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

 "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat
 grass."

 "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the
 lawyer said.

 "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
 under that tree."

 "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

 Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."
 The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a
 wife and SIX children with me!"

 "Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

 They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large
 as the limousine was.

 Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
 "Sir, you are too kind."


 "Thank you for taking all of us with you.

 The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.
 "You'll really love my place.
 "The grass is almost a foot high."
 --

 Come on now...you really didn't think there was such a thing as a
 heartwarming lawyer story...did you?

that's great

I have to admit...

that's even a new good lawyer joke.

Quote from: ducpainter on March 14, 2012, 03:07:01 PM
I have to admit...

that's even a new good lawyer joke.

+1

I was at a hypnotist who had seven guys in a hypnotic trance upon the stage.

He turned and knocked the microphone stand over, onto his foot and screamed out "make the beast with two backs me!".


What happened next will haunt me for years.

Sweet! Two good ones to start the day.

A Minnesota farmer named Olie had a car accident. He was hit by a
truck owned by the Eversweet Company.

In court, the Eversweet Company's hot-shot attorney questioned him thus:

'Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"
Olie responded: 'vell, I'lla tell you vat happened dere. I'd yust
loaded my fav'rit cow, Bessie, into da... '

'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'?'

Olie said, 'vell, I'd yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas
drivin' down da road.... '

The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Your Honor, I am trying to
establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told
the police on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the
accident, he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question. '

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olie’s answer and
said to the attorney: 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite cow, Bessie'.

Olie said: 'Tank you' and proceeded. 'vell as I vas saying, I had
yust loaded Bessie, my fav'rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin'
her down de road vin dis huge Eversweet truck and trailer came
tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side by
golly. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder
ditch.

By yimminy yahosaphat I vas hurt, purty durn bad, and didn't want to
move. An even vurse dan dat,, I could hear old Bessie a moanin' and a
groanin'. I knew she vas in terrible pain yust by her groans.

Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He
could hear Bessie a moanin' and a groanin' too, so he vent over to
her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his
gun and shot her right between the eyes.

Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at
me, and said, 'How are you feelin'?'

'Now wot da fock vud you say?'

awesome yoke!