I'm on my way home from the shop, 45 minute ride when my body decides it's time to destroy the throne.

I convince it to hold off till home.

Everything is fine until I get a text from rootchick. "Can you swing by the store on your way home for milk and TP. A rotisserie chicken would also be a good idea"

Not what I was looking to be doing.

I hang my head low and agree. "We can do this" I tell myself.

I get to the store and find the chicken within seconds. Off to a great start. I swing around the perimeter and find the TP pretty quickly. Sweet!  Then the milk... where the F is the milk. It takes me a bit but I find it.

I pass by the self checkout because its a make the beast with two backsing madhouse and head right for the express lane which turned out to be anything but. Its a few minuted of reading magazine covers about the kardashians and the like before I realize the line isn't moving.

Still not moving.

Beard hair is advancing faster than I am

Then some manager lady shows up with a bottle of juice and tells the guy standing there "this is the only kind that's 100% juice "

Seriously!?   Do you not know what you're picking up?

I don't even shop at this store and I found the right items in a few minutes. One of which is freezing my hand worse than Han Solo, another is burning my other hand alive and the third is just soft and squishy. 

Checkout resumes.

Briefly.

Now something is wrong with Juicys credit card and we have to wait for the manager again.

I begin the "don't shit yourself" dance as thins are escalating faster than I'm happy about.

Things finally get situated and I get the F out of there.

Right into end of day traffic. 

Its on now. I grab the shifter and rip gears all the way home. If a cop came out I would not be stopping. This close to home I would have flown into my driveway, ran inside to the bathroom and texted my wife to deal with the cop.

I get home and am desperately fumbling for the correct key only to find out the door is unlocked

This better be the tastiest chicken ever bbq'd and packaged.

Kev...

RAT is proud of you.

Well written...

ever notice how you (just about) always magically make it to the toilet right in the nick of time?

almost always.

I had to crap really bad but I said I'll just read this quick post from M.L. 
Turns out it was anything but...
         

Guy in my car club was in a rush home to do the same.

He got pulled over on the southern state in L.I.

Officer didn't let him go and he relieved himself on himself as cop was writing the citation.   

I could only imagine the cops face as he walked back.. 

You don't always make it...

Quote from: ducpainter on November 15, 2012, 03:39:52 PM
Kev...

RAT is proud of you.

Well written...

A true compliment

I take you don't use public restrooms?

The grocery store probably had one. 

Quote from: DesmoDiva on November 15, 2012, 04:50:34 PM
I take you don't use public restrooms?

The grocery store probably had one. 

Some people can't, or won't use a public restroom. Me, I could go anywhere.

Quote from: DesmoDiva on November 15, 2012, 04:50:34 PM
I take you don't use public restrooms?

The grocery store probably had one.  

No promlem with them, and the store probably had one.

Things were mostly fine until I was in the checkout line...

 

I never know what to expect with your threads.   

Mission accomplished then

omg you and your poo 
last time we saw u, you broke the dimby potty 

Quote from: TiNi on November 15, 2012, 05:26:54 PM
omg you and your poo 
last time we saw u, you broke the dimby potty 

Which I then repaired

That is awesome....kinda! I needed a laugh and best at someone else's expense.

Oh and as you get older never trust a fart!