Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Researchers have discovered that Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer.  Unfortunately, Chuck Norris never cries.


Chuck Norris was not born.  He roundhouse kicked his way out of his mother's womb and immediately had sex with three nurses.

Chuck Norris was born with a full beard.

Chuck Norris smelled my ass when I was a child, as a result, it no longer has any scent at all -- he inhaled all of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't "tea-bag" people. He "potato-sacks" them.

there is no 'Ctrl' button on chuck norris' computer. he is always in control

apple pays chuck norris .99 every time he listens to a song

-When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

-There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

-Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

-Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

-Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

-When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

-Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

-Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

-Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Chuck Norris does not read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

chucknorris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. except pink. tom cruise invented pink.

Chuck Norris plays tennis with an waffle iron and bowling balls

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Chuck Norris is known to clog toilets after he pees.

Chuck Norris is known to clog toilets after he pees.

maybe he has kidney stones, well I guess that would be kidney rocks!

Chuck norris can divide by zero

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet.  Water gets Chuck Norris

They say that curiosity killed the cat.  This is incorrect.  Chuck Norris killed the cat.  Every one.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German bomber by pointing his finger and saying "Bang"

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash instead of taking a shower.

The air around Chuck Norris is always a balmy 78 degrees.

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it. Chuck Norris can hear everything. Chuck Norris can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

chuck norris once impregnated an entire nunnery and they gave birth to the 1972 miami dolphins.

not many people know, but chuck norris has a 3rd fist behind his beard.

Quote from: He Man on July 12, 2008, 08:07:10 PM
Chuck norris can divide by zero

I like this one!