man! the amplitude of raw suckage in your life is considerable

little did you realize at the time, that while you were on a parental "vacation" of sorts

a shit storm of this intensity was brewing

sorry you are paying such a high interest on a prior bad marital investment

the kids do pay for the sins of the parents and your ex has done a banner job make the beast with two backsing them over

may she burn in hell for putting her personal baggage ahead of her children's welfare and well-being

18yo:
Dropped her third dirty UA in as many weeks.
Claims she isn't using and that "shit stays in your body!"
Problem with her logic is that her first UA was dirty meth and amphetamines...second was weed third was amphetamines only.
Has spent the last 3 nights with the guy she met on the internet.
Claims that she is doing what she needs to do to get better.
Keeps telling everyone what they want to hear but isn't actually acting on it.
Has missed 3 intake appointments for rehab now.
The rehab place has said, 3 strikes, you're out. They won't even consider her now. This is the place my sister in law did her internship and is doing her graduate work at. She can't even pull any more strings than she already has.

I have dropped roughly $1k on rent, expenses, food and transportation on her. I have also been keeping her on my medical dental and vision insurance.
She says that I am not doing anything for her and that I have no right to be in her life now when I was never there for her before.

I don't want to through monetary support in her face. Nor do I want to lower myself to the spiteful name calling and hurtful level she has taken on. She reminds me a lot of her mother.
I am seriously beginning to consider pulling all support and letting her see the shit storm she would be facing without everything that her family has done for her.


Apparently, she stole and pawned a bunch of items that were in her mom's house.
She claims to know nothing about it but the inventory of the house by the detectives working the case is coming up short by about 2 dozen items.
About half were recovered from a pawn shop down there.
The sheriff's dept is currently working with the county prosecutor to see what, if any charges should be pressed.

I am on the verge of hypertension and I have never had a single blood pressure issue in my life.

I don't want to give up on her but I feel like I am dealing with her mom all over again.


The youngest has been removed from the house she was in. Fortunately, her pastor stepped up since she still can't leave the state. She has said that if she can't live at the house she was in then she would rather live with us. Not much I can do there until the process plays out. But at least she has a roof over her head.

Somehow, I feel that most of this is my fault. If I had been a better father. Had fought harder for them and not let their mother drag them down this shit covered path. My 18yo cries, "I want my mom! She's the only one who truly understands and supports me!" And it both hurts and angers me. I resist the temptation to throw all of that back in her face about how if her mom really cared, she would have thought about the consequences.

But I strive to be the better person in all of this and simply be there. Throughout the outbursts and the claims of not caring. I will be there. And high blood pressure and hyper tension be damned.

breathe brother...breathe!....keep your calm and your wits about you and 1 day, ( maybe not tommorrow or any day really soon) she'll come down to earth and reality and to terms with everything and you'll look and be that much better in her eyes for being the same person of respect, dignity, and reliable strength for which she will come to the sense of understanding of....emotions run hot and cold, especially with the additive haze of external substance affecting her...

don't let the what-ifs get a strangle hold on you.....you're doing great!

keep the dialog open and positive with her, she'll come around you'll see.
put on your sneakers and go for a long jog, you'll feel better.

QuoteI feel like Rat...or Piller...

You're a Pillar dude!

You're doing the right thing, man. Eventually she will see the light that you are the 'right' parent, and hopefully it won't take too long. But, unfortunately, sometimes it does in these cases.....

Worst case: ride up again sometime and we'll have a beer. 

Keep posting please - I learn more about human nature from this.
One thing is certain. You're a good guy.

Support!

I say go for a court-ordered Lock-Down Rehab for the 18 year old.

If they can leverage property theft to get a judge to slam a gavel on rehab go for it

You aren't dealing with a rational human,,,, you are dealing with an Addiction

trust me, the Addiction has far more time and energy than you do and you are not going to "hug it" ,,chase it,, or "buy it" back to healthy

I hope you get this daughter back to the world of the living, but right now whatever you think she is, or remember she was...she ain't really there anymore...

it is an addiction demon leveraging the vestiges of a once-viable personality to manipulate people so it can continue to feast on your daughter

sorry she has washed out to sea, as for life lines.......

she needs all her choices removed and a forced long term dry-out/therapeutic community if she is to stand a chance

not easy to clinically detach from a child, or loved family member but if you can,,, it makes you more effective in out-flanking the demon in her


you also need to learn to do what you are doing not in the expectation of an outcome....but to do the right things for your own sake, and then hers

what you do defines the measure of you as a human,,,,,,, you cannot fix her, only she can,,, under the right circumstances with the right help

but you can do the right things, so that you can look yourself in the mirror

no matter what the outcome

I have been on your road with too many family members..... fortunately not with any of my children

Quote from: RAT900 on March 22, 2013, 10:49:12 PM
I say go for a court-ordered Lock-Down Rehab for the 18 year old.

If they can leverage property theft to get a judge to slam a gavel on rehab go for it

You aren't dealing with a rational human,,,, you are dealing with an Addiction

trust me, the Addiction has far more time and energy than you do and you are not going to "hug it" ,,chase it,, or "buy it" back to healthy

I hope you get this daughter back to the world of the living, but right now whatever you think she is, or remember she was...she ain't really there anymore...

it is an addiction demon leveraging the vestiges of a once-viable personality to manipulate people so it can continue to feast on your daughter

sorry she has washed out to sea, as for life lines.......

she needs all her choices removed and a forced long term dry-out/therapeutic community if she is to stand a chance

not easy to clinically detach from a child, or loved family member but if you can,,, it makes you more effective in out-flanking the demon in her


you also need to learn to do what you are doing not in the expectation of an outcome....but to do the right things for your own sake, and then hers

what you do defines the measure of you as a human,,,,,,, you cannot fix her, only she can,,, under the right circumstances with the right help

but you can do the right things, so that you can look yourself in the mirror

no matter what the outcome

I have been on your road with too many family members..... fortunately not with any of my children

You need to keep that foremost in your mind. You also need to remember that you did not break her. It wasn't your ability or caring as a parent, or lack of it.

She chose a path and now needs to alter it. It is her choice as to whether she allows you to help.

There is no possibility of failure on your part in this.

Learned some new words last night...

"Autonomic Dysreflexia"

Most common in spinal injury patients, this can also be one of the direct symptoms of extreme hypertension.
It shows up in the form of a splotchy and sometimes hives like skin condition.
Spent a few hours after work at the hospital because I couldn't get my heart rate down and was experiencing the worst migraine of my life.

On a side note, someone told her fiance...(She is/was engaged to a guy down in Missouri who had hit rock bottom himself and is currently in rehab on his way to recovery). She of course blamed me until I pointed out that the time he said this message was sent to him coincided with me being in the hospital with a dead phone battery.

She has now alienated her grandparents, aunt and uncle.
My sister in law is still trying to save her because she faced the same demons in her life...but she is trying to detach herself because of how volatile my daughter has become.

I will say that this weekend, I am detaching myself completely from the whole situation and enjoying spending some time with my grandmother who turns 97 tomorrow. She wants to go out for Russian food tonight and for a "fine German lunch" tomorrow.

Quote from: ZILBERT on March 23, 2013, 05:31:55 AM

On a side note, someone told her fiance...(She is/was engaged to a guy down in Missouri who had hit rock bottom himself and is currently in rehab on his way to recovery). She of course blamed me until I pointed out that the time he said this message was sent to him coincided with me being in the hospital with a dead phone battery.

Are you referring to your ex-wife?

I'm lost, for the moment...

BC.

good for you.....
you can tell us about the Kasha and patato pancakes on monday!

cheers

Quote from: Bladecutter on March 23, 2013, 08:15:14 AM
Are you referring to your ex-wife?

I'm lost, for the moment...

BC.

My 18yo is "engaged" to some dude currently in rehab.

Quote from: ZILBERT on March 24, 2013, 06:59:56 PM
My 18yo is "engaged" to some dude currently in rehab.

nothing like setting your sights high....I hope you aren't planning on financing that wedding

I remember clocking my addict brother years ago...for some theft...he said why did you punch me?  I told him I didn't  punch him, I was punching his addiction

Quote from: RAT900 on March 25, 2013, 05:16:58 AM
nothing like setting your sights high....I hope you aren't planning on financing that wedding

I remember clocking my addict brother years ago...for some theft...he said why did you punch me?  I told him I didn't  punch him, I was punching his addiction

Nicely put RAT.