Where to begin...

On March 8th, I took 15 days of leave to go to Florida and spend spring break with my son and my Mom.  It had been over a year since I had been home, and I wanted to see my mom before I deployed to Afghanistan again.

To recap, it's been a little over a year and a half since I got divorced, and though I have tried dating since then, nothing has panned out, and a few relationships have actually blown up in my face. Up until last December I was chilling and doing the friends-with-benefits thing with a girl whom was just looking for a little fun.  About that time I realized that I was finally ready to try for another relationship, so I ended things with my FWB (where's the motivation to go looking if you're getting laid on a regular basis?), and began to attempt to get back out there.

Nothing seemed to be working... Every relationship I tried fell apart, for one reason or another. With an impending deployment, I finally contented myself with the fact that I would likely be single for the duration of my stay stateside, and for the foreseeable future as well. I gave up... Then came spring break...  

After a 13 hour drive with my four year old son in the back of the Camaro, we arrived at my Mom's house at around 0230 on Saturday the 9th. On Sunday the 10th, everything changed... My family and I went to church on Sunday. Until recently, I haven't been a religious individual (more to follow) but out of respect for my parents, I still attend church with them while I'm in town... An hour or so of my time is worth it to allow them to show me off whenever I visit.

So, I'm sitting in church with my brother to my left, and my son to my right when I look towards the front of the church to take a gander at the girls in the choir.  There were two that caught my eye, however every time I looked up, the really cute brunette was staring at me and smiling. I commented about the attractive women to my brother, whom agreed... I then called "dibs" on the brunette.  At that point, my brother proceeded to ask me if I recognized her. When I replied in the negative, I was informed to my astonishment that the gorgeous creature in the choir was none other than the grown up version of a little girl that I've known for years.

Before I joined the Army almost nine years ago, before I graduated or even started high school, I attended the same church... I was confirmed there during my 8th and 9th grade years.  All the while, there was a specific little girl that I played with, who followed me around like a lost puppy, and whom I viewed as the little sister I never had.  

After church ended, I stuck around talking to parents of my old friends and members of the congregation that I hadn't seen in years. I was attempting to duck out because my son had disappeared with my brother (I don't trust him with my son), when she comes up and says hi, and then gives me a hug... Then I find out she's 18...

To help explain things, let me state that this girl has absolutely no poker face. Not only is she beautiful, but she's clearly crushing on me in a bad way. I figure, what the hell? I'm only in town for two weeks, she's legal, and obviously interested... Let's see where this goes.  I spend a bit talking to her and snag her number before she has to leave. We go out for coffee that night after she gets off of work, and spend a couple of hours catching up. Then everything snowballed...

Now before I go any further, I'd like to state that I behaved myself while I was in town and we didn't sleep together.

However, everything else took on a mind of it's own. I may be young in comparison to some of the members on this board, but I'll be 27 in June, my son will be five, ten days before my birthday, and I've been married, and divorced... In other words, this isn't my first rodeo. Be that as it may, nothing could have prepared me for the events that transpired.

The simplest explanation is often the most accurate... I fell in love.  I fell faster, deeper and more completely than I have my entire life. The love I once held for my ex-wife pales in comparison to how I feel about this girl... The time we have spent together since then, either in person or on the phone, has been the happiest time of my life.

As we spent almost every night on the phone until the wee hours of the morning getting reacquainted, it soon became glaringly apparent that this girl had had a crush on me for more than a decade.  While I had to be told who she was, she recognized me immediately and began to shake.

I am fully aware how insane it sounds when I say that I'm dating a girl who has prom in a few weeks (I can't go... I'm too old  ).  There's eight years between us, and literally a lifetime of experience.  If one of my soldiers came to me and told me this story, I'd make them push until they pulled their head out of their fourth point of contact... It's completely insane... It wasn't planned... It just sort of happened.

While I don't know how exactly this is going to work, I can say that I've never experienced love like this before.  I've never had a woman look at me the way she does... Everything between us, every kiss, every touch, feels more natural than breathing... It may have happened quickly, but it never felt forced.

It took me four days after I left to convince her mom that this was going to happen and that I'm a good enough guy for her daughter.  She's briefed her Dad, and her sisters remember me from back in the day and are cautiously onboard... My Mom is ecstatic...

This is the girl I've dreamed about my entire life...

I haven't been to church on my own since 2007. Since the 22nd of March (the day I left Florida) I've been to church four times, and I am currently 48 hours tobacco free. I can't explain it... I just know.  This is the first time in my life where I've felt that things happen for a reason, or that there might be a higher power with a vested interest in my life... Whatever the cause, I am grateful... I feel truly blessed.

In 28 days I'm going back to Florida to see her... In June I'm going to her graduation and bringing her to Kentucky with me for a few weeks... In August/September I'm moving her up to Kentucky... I don't plan on rushing into things... I want to take things slow, but I'm going to marry this girl... Her mom is aware of our plans... Oh, and I'm not deploying anymore!!  

If you've stuck around to read this entire novel, feel free to comment or throw out advice.  I'm aware of the potential pitfalls... Believe me, I've gone over every possible scenario at least a dozen times in my head. However, I've already made my decision (or rather it was made for me), so criticism won't help, but you're more than entitled to speak your mind.

Pics or it didn't happen...

The picture on the left is how I remember her...



Her now...



I took her shooting... All 5 ft 120 lbs of her...



Her and I together before I left...

1/2 your age plus 7

Quote from: hbliam on April 04, 2013, 04:22:32 AM
1/2 your age plus 7

Damn!!!

Dr. Sheldon Cooper will happily explain what's happening to you 

If this, by a miracle, doesn't explode within a year - you can consider yourself blessed.

No point fighting it - enjoy it for all it's worth

(how does she feel about your bike?)

You said you were looking for a relationship, thereby you opened yourself up to be more accepting of whomever came along.

You said you're not rushing, but you're talking about moving in with her in less than 4-5 months after remeeting her.

Take your time. See what she has planned for the future, if any at 18, and see if that is compatible with your service and/or personal goals.

And 100%, wrap it up, nothing like another child to force your decision making process.

Heart, Mind and Body

Love is the heart that comes with accepting each others emotions and desires
Mind is sound decision based on knowledge that can ONLY come with time and information
Body is the physical connection that can sometimes bind the heart and mind into making bad decision.

Don't let one area Affect the other when evaluating them. You may love someone, but that leads to overlooking a sound mental decision, even though the body just isn't syncing (not talking sex, but sexual connection and compability)

If ALL three are right for both of you, go for it, if there's doubt on ANY of the three for either of you, take MORE time, you'll either lose another of the 3 or all will sync.

Quote from: stopintime on April 04, 2013, 06:02:48 AM
how does she feel about your bike?

She's fine with the bike... Never ridden before, but she's open to give it a shot... I need to pick up a spare lid and jacket for her... Luckily she's small enough that she'll fit on the back and the suspension will barely feel it (I'll have to pre-load it a little bit).

Quote from: Raux on April 04, 2013, 06:54:18 AM
Love is the heart that comes with accepting each others emotions and desires
Mind is sound decision based on knowledge that can ONLY come with time and information
Body is the physical connection that can sometimes bind the heart and mind into making bad decision.

I like the quote... And I'll be careful... Birth control is already being addressed, and June will be a dry run of sorts to see if we need more time before we jump into moving her up here... Semper Gumby: Always Flexible... If she moves up here and things work out... great.  If they don't, I'm prepared for that contingency as well. 

I don't recall a lot of 18 year old girls that weren't still cutting their teeth

although I'll admit to recalling a few memorable ones

be cautious

she should be grounded until she cleans her room or no prom!   

Quote from: IZ on April 04, 2013, 09:07:03 AM
she should be grounded until she cleans her room or no prom!   

My first thought too.

Let her stay home, offer to her and her folks to help pay for one year of community college.
Date, long distance if needed, for that year.
After that year move in togeher.

Follow your heart and all the nay-Sayers be dammed.  My story is different but needless to say I fell in love, dumped her and married a pregnant dog of a woman only to find my love again 16 years later...she should have run but didn't.  Good luck to you both.

Quote from: muskrat on April 04, 2013, 09:39:41 AM
Follow your heart and all the nay-Sayers be dammed. 

My situation is the opposite and more extreme.
I was 19 and she was 36 and married.
Now here we sit 20 years later and our 18th wedding anniversary will be this July.
I say go for it but with eyes wide open as it could prove bumpy but could also be fun.

As long as you're thinking with your big head...

Think about how it sounds to anyone not involved in the situation.


If I were her daddy I'd be showing you how well I could shoot, too 

like Lady Chablis said in the movie, "Midnight in the Garden of Good & Evil"

two tears in a bucket, mother f**k it

it is not my place to pass judgement or tell you what you should do in regards to things that make you happy...my personal opinion is, she is still in High School, and while she is technically 18 and an adult, since you are over 25, then I would say hands off till she is at least 20 as a general policy....life has a funny way of shaping people into whom they will be in the framework of 18-25 years of age moreso than the teenage years IMHO...and some of that is from having to fend for themselves and live on their own and some of that is ( as Rat sez-) "Cutting their teeth" in experience. This is made a touch worse by the fact that you said she has carried a torch for you for many many many years which can make the infatuation somewhat worse in perception of what feelings are what and how things will play out.

Good Luck with no matter how things go....