Quote from: krolik on July 17, 2008, 06:51:53 PMI wish zombies wouldn't eat my brain.

They sniff your head, shrug their shoulders, and move on, looking for food.

I wish I had a zombie horde at my command.

Got yer zombie horde right here -- unfortunately, it's the wrong kind and all they do is lay around all day playing video games and watching endless re-runs of Maximum Exposure. The bill for Doritos and Mountain Dew bankrupts you.

I wish our adorable but nearly blind, senile old dog would stop barking at his own poop.

Granted... he stops barking at his own poop and starts seeing shadow creatures over at the neighbors causing him to go over there and bark at the neighbors house, in their yard. The neighbors hate this.

I wish my dog wouldn't bark up at the neighbors.

You dog no longer barks at the neighbors, he bites them instead. This results in a huge lawsuit and you lose all your stuff.

I wish my dog's feet didn't smell like Fritos.

Quote from: krolik on July 18, 2008, 01:56:28 PM
You dog no longer barks at the neighbors, he bites them instead. This results in a huge lawsuit and you lose all your stuff.

I wish my dog's feet didn't smell like Fritos.

They don't. But you now know that they taste like Fritos.

I wish I didn't live in am 1100sqft house with a wife that wants a Great Dane.

sac

You dont. You just moved into a 650 sq ft place with the great dane.

I wish I didn't live in a 650 Sq ft place with My wife, a lab, and a Mini Aussi. Oh wait, I don't cause I lost all my stuff

Quote from: SacDuc on July 18, 2008, 01:58:34 PM
They don't. But you now know that they taste like Fritos.

I wish I didn't live in am 1100sqft house with a wife that wants a Great Dane.

sac

Poof, now you live in an 800 sqft apartment with a wife, two kids, a Great Dane, 2 Chihuahuas, a cat and a parakeet.

I wish my wife's crazy boss would retire.

Quote from: krolik on July 18, 2008, 02:04:09 PM
Poof, now you live in an 800 sqft apartment with a wife, two kids, a Great Dane, 2 Chihuahuas, a cat and a parakeet.

I wish my wife's crazy boss would retire.

He does.  The only think is that before he does, he fires all the women in the company.

I wish I had a cold delicious and edible beverage right now.

Quote from: OwnyTony on July 18, 2008, 02:24:28 PM
I wish I had a cold delicious and edible beverage right now.

Granted. You know have a nice cold Mexican-made Coca-Cola (They're better than the ones from Atlanta. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor). Oh no, a bat has flown up your ass for no apparent reason, and now you get a rude colonic every time it tries to fly.

I wish that ALL of the participants of this thread could corrupt a wish in an intelligent, comical way instead of resorting to something going up someone's ass, which doesn't really pertain to the original wish.

Quote from: jclin on July 18, 2008, 03:00:23 PM
Granted. You know have a nice cold Mexican-made Coca-Cola (They're better than the ones from Atlanta. Trust me, I'm doing you a favor). Oh no, a bat has flown up your ass for no apparent reason, and now you get a rude colonic every time it tries to fly.

I wish that ALL of the participants of this thread could corrupt a wish in an intelligent, comical way instead of resorting to something going up someone's ass, which doesn't really pertain to the original wish.

Granted.  Small fish invade your urethra.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru

I wish you all a good night.

"you all" got a good night, but not me.  That was disgusting to read.  Blech!!!


I wish a beer for everyone, and whoever wanted one gets 2!!!!

Granted, and I've had my beer, the neighbors, and whoever else wasn't drinking them.  Sorry, can't corrupt my own wish - sue me!!!

I wish SKom some satisfaction with the attackers.  I wish they're thrown in jail, and brutalized. 

Quote from: lauramonster on July 18, 2008, 08:09:31 PM

I wish SKom some satisfaction with the attackers.  I wish they're thrown in jail, and brutalized. 

Granted, the bastards are in jail being brutalized as we speak. But they can't make it to court because of unchecked rectal bleeding, so the court date is postponed, delaying SKOM's sense of satisfaction at having caught the bastards.

I wish I had a nice espresso machine. Not one of those automatic pieces of crap, but a nice Italian one with high pressure and a real handle. And a nice slow electric burr grinder.

Granted, but it hasn't been cleaned in a year.

I wish I had a working motorcyle

Quote from: vampireduc on July 19, 2008, 09:43:29 PM
Granted, but it hasn't been cleaned in a year.

Brutal.

Quote from: vampireduc on July 19, 2008, 09:43:29 PM
I wish I had a working motorcyle

Poof! You have a working, 500lb  51cc moped in powder pink. (Hey, anything over 51cc is technically a "motorcycle")

I wish I was immune to hangovers.