You are immune to hangovers as well as any positive benefits of alcohol consumption.  While all of your former friends are getting drunk, crazy, and laid, you remain stone sober and safety oriented.  You must change your forum name to Party Pooper Monkey.

I wish all humanity could communicate only by means of grunts, farts, and belches thus making me the most articulate poet on the planet.

Quote from: Johnny OrganDonor on July 20, 2008, 07:53:50 AM
You are immune to hangovers as well as any positive benefits of alcohol consumption.  While all of your former friends are getting drunk, crazy, and laid, you remain stone sober and safety oriented.  You must change your forum name to Party Pooper Monkey.

I wish all humanity could communicate only by means of grunts, farts, and belches thus making me the most articulate poet on the planet.

Welcome to Brooklyn.

I wish the grantor of my wish got double of everything I wished for.

Quote from: silentbob on July 20, 2008, 08:37:52 AM
Welcome to Brooklyn.

I wish the grantor of my wish got double of everything I wished for.

Granted. I now have 2 swedish bikini teams living with me and making non-stop love to me all day long, whilst those not occupied in the bedroom are cooking, cleaning and just making me feel like a god.

I wish my wish would never end. 

You just think you wish would never end.  You last for exactly 2.5 days.  Making love to 12 girls per day.....riding the wave of the Calvin Coolidge Effect.  Finally you are so dehydrated, you end up in the hospital.  The girls try to visit you but you end up having to put a chair up against the door to keep them from coming in.
Your new wish is for them to stop.


I wish my next door neighbor was hot and had a pool...

Granted.  And she sunbathes topless.  Her jealous boyfriend catches you staring and beats you til you cry "uncle".

I wish a good, cheap haircut for IZ (so that htread will die...).

Granted, though the haircut is performed with radioactive scissors, causing all the hair to fall out anyway. Oops.

I need another ride. I wish the weekend continued tomorrow.

granted, but since the weekend came early this week, the rest of your year is thrown off by 4 days and you never get to have a "weekend" off at the same time as your riding buddys, plus it rains.

i wish i could read minds.

Quote from: toaster on July 21, 2008, 06:41:57 PM
i wish i could read minds.

Poof. You can read minds. The banality of everyone's thoughts drives you insane and you become one of those homeless dudes having a conversation with nobody.

I wish I could successfully make games of chance obey my every whim. Control the roll of the dice, outcomes of sporting events, etc.

Quote from: Drunken Monkey on July 21, 2008, 07:45:59 PM

I wish I could successfully make games of chance obey my every whim. Control the roll of the dice, outcomes of sporting events, etc.

Granted!  But Vegas & the rest of the casino industry quickly catches on to you, you're permanently banned from all gambling establishments, and you can no longer ride because of the broken knees and broken hands from the beatings by the goons who were sent to "teach" you a lesson.

i wish krolik was smart enough to participate in this thread and post a wish of his own.

Quote from: toaster on July 21, 2008, 09:07:07 PM
i wish krolik was smart enough to participate in this thread and post a wish of his own.

Granted! Unfortunately his wish involves you doing something to him that we should never speak of.

I wish I was better at office politics. Or barring that, I wish I could kill people with my mind.

Quote from: Drunken Monkey on July 21, 2008, 10:48:57 PM

I wish I was better at office politics. Or barring that, I wish I could kill people with my mind.

Happy un-birthday! You can now kill people with your mind. Unfortunately, the power is difficult to control and you find yourself killing people around you at the slightest hint of stress. After killing 4 co-workers (the good ones, mind you) at one go while trying to fart discreetly, you quit your job and move to the hills of Nevada where you spend the rest of your life eating dandelion soup and trying to learn to control your farts and the destructive power that comes with them.

I wish I had a car with decent fuel economy. And an air conditioner, dammit. And a radio that played NPR and the BBC reliably. And decent seat belts . . . 

Quote from: Manny on July 21, 2008, 11:03:39 PM
I wish I had a car with decent fuel economy. And an air conditioner, dammit. And a radio that played NPR and the BBC reliably. And decent seat belts . . . 

Your wish is my command, Manny! You now have a car with an air conditioner and a radio that plays NPR and BBC perfectly, unfortunately, it's missing its clutch which is why it gets such good fuel economy (get out and push, and stop wishing for four things at once  ). Still, go ahead and turn the engine on and enjoy the air conditioner (it is evil since you wanted me to damn it. It smells of sulfur when you turn it on) and radio (the volume knob doesn't work, and it is set to zero volume). Oh, and the seat belts? They work fine, but only the back seats have them.

Whew! That was tough.

I wish this thread wasn't dying.

Granted it's being given a new life....by the TOB

I wish Red Bull Motogp Indy was this weekend.

It is, but you're grounded and can't leave the house.

Im ready for this thread to die.  I wish someone would put up a poll to decide if i should lock it