don't get me started Dragon or ill bop you one 

or strategically place a screwdriver where he may just sit on it? 

Heh, heh, heh, Thought that would get the attention of the ladies??   

Blonde Jokes!!! Just cause I'm blonde doesn't mean u can bag me out!!!



she called me to get my phone number. 

she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said  'concentrate.' 

she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. 

she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. 

she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

she tried to drown a fish.

she thought a quarterback was a refund.

she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. 

she tripped over a cordless phone.

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

she studied for a blood test. 

she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. 

when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.

when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that
said ....

'Airport Left' she   turned around and went home

I phoned the swine flu helpline today and all I got was crackling!! 

Quote from: dragonworld on May 05, 2009, 01:09:33 AM
I phoned the swine flu helpline today and all I got was crackling!! 

Did you know that they are using a specialized comminication network at this time??

Ham radio! 

im surprised dragon you didn't use this

Keep em coming gang,
Im gonna use a few of those blond ones. - Chris

ps, 

Its probably been posted before, but its a goody. 

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM
MACHINE 


A new sign in the
Bank Lobby reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'


*******************************


MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.



******************************


FEMALE PROCEDURE:


What is really funny (And scary) is that most
of this part is the Truth.!!!!


1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set hand brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the
car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of chequebook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release hand brake.

Be afraid, be very, very afraid. They ARE out there!!   

  Only a Maori could pull this one off!   (Its a pissa Cuz)   [moto]

A true story from Mount Eden in Auckland .
Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local
Neighbourhood pub.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
Intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the
Officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying

His keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he   

Fell into.  He was there for a few minutes as a number of other

Patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car,

Switched the wipers on  and off (it was a fine dry night). Then

Flicked the indicators on,  then off, tooted the horn and then

Switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then
Remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down

The road.  The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time,

Now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly

Pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's
intoxication.

The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the
Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it bro," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy ".

Quote from: dragonworld on May 08, 2009, 03:48:10 PM
Its probably been posted before, but its a goody. 

MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM
MACHINE 


A new sign in the
Bank Lobby reads:


'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.


Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts.


After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.'


*******************************


MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.



******************************


FEMALE PROCEDURE:


What is really funny (And scary) is that most
of this part is the Truth.!!!!


1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set hand brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the
car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of chequebook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release hand brake.

Be afraid, be very, very afraid. They ARE out there!!   

Where is the screwdriver Heather

Quote from: dragonworld on May 09, 2009, 03:02:55 PM
  Only a Maori could pull this one off!   (Its a pissa Cuz)   [moto]

A true story from Mount Eden in Auckland .
Recently a routine Police patrol car parked outside a local
Neighbourhood pub.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so
Intoxicated that he could barely walk.

The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the
Officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying

His keys on five vehicles. The man managed to find his car, which he   

Fell into.  He was there for a few minutes as a number of other

Patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car,

Switched the wipers on  and off (it was a fine dry night). Then

Flicked the indicators on,  then off, tooted the horn and then

Switched on the lights.

He moved the vehicle forward a few cm, reversed a little and then
Remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down

The road.  The Police officer, having patiently waited all this time,

Now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly

Pulled the man over and carried out a random breathalyser test.

To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's
intoxication.

The Police officer said "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the
Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it bro," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy ".

i will have to remember this one

Quote from: Jukie on May 09, 2009, 11:13:34 PM

Where is the screwdriver Heather

Im bending over and waiting Jukie dear!! (Snigger!)   

here i come Dragon