Seriously, there are only two things needed to drive effectively in NJ: A horn and a middle finger. Everything else is superfluous, including knowing where you are going. For those of you who live in Jersey or have lived there, these things may come as no surprise.

    How To Drive In Jersey

    1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is Nork - rhymes with Fork, not New-ark. Also, Trenton is not pronounced Tren-ton, it is Trent-in.

    2. The morning rush hour is from 5 AM to NOON. The evening rush hour is from NOON to 7 PM. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

    3. The minimum acceptable speed on the turnpike is 85 mph. On the parkway it's 105 or 110. Anything less is considered "Sissy." (Just ask the Governor of NJ)

    4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Jersey has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second;

    5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

    6. Never honk at anyone. EVER! Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.

    7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of Jersey . Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

    8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubber-neckers, shredded tires, cell-phoners, deer and other road kill, and the Homeless feeding on any of these items.

    9. MapQuest does NOT work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the Turnpike EZ Pass lanes are moved each night once again to make your ride more exciting.

    10. If someone actually has their Turn Signal ON, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let t hem know it has been "accidentally activated."

    11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

    12. Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday appointments, and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

When in Rome...

Damn Jersey 

And it stinks.

Clarification -

1. Tren-en

2. Never honk unless you're from NJ, in a car w/ NJ plates doing +30 over the speedlimit, directing the aggression toward someone with out of state plates who's not passing in the passing lane (the left lane). Oh yea - and the honk must be immediately followed up with the state hand signal - the "we're #1" sign using the finger between your index and ring fingers, and the state's welcome motto - pronounced "learn to fkn drive a-hole!"

The rest is accurate. 

If you can't take the heat He Man, stay out of the kitchen (or state in this case).   

You forgot that you can not make a left turn.

If you change to the left lane to pass and there is a car 1/2 mile behind you they will flash their brights constantly at you because you can not be in the left lane in front of another vehicle. Even if you are moving at the same speed or faster.

Quote from: mookieo2 on July 23, 2009, 02:03:32 PMIf you change to the left lane to pass and there is a car 1/2 mile behind you they will flash their brights constantly at you because you can not be in the left lane in front of another vehicle. Even if you are moving at the same speed or faster.

Quote from: mookieo2 on July 23, 2009, 02:03:32 PM
You forgot that you can not make a left turn.

If you change to the left lane to pass and there is a car 1/2 mile behind you they will flash their brights constantly at you because you can not be in the left lane in front of another vehicle. Even if you are moving at the same speed or faster.

wiat what? are you serious about that? how the make the beast with two backs am i suppose to see 1/2mile behind me and who gives a make the beast with two backs if im going faster. lol

in my book there are 3 rules to riding in jersey.

1. dont ride in jersey
2. when on turnpike, there is no speed limit
3. when not on turnpike, see number 1

Quote from: rockaduc on July 23, 2009, 12:17:47 PM
If you can't take the heat He Man, stay out of the kitchen (or state in this case).  

you want heat? i challenge you to a ride off from lower manhattan to the tip of manhattan fighting taxis!!!

That's ok, you can ride from manhattan to manhattan by yourself...not nearly enough curves for me.  When you want to ride some NICE roads, pm me.

I wasnt talking about turns, i was talking about a near death experience.

lol where are there twisties in jersey? the nearest ones  i know of are all upstate NY, or rather what a city folk like me calls upstate

Ah...there are plenty here.  Next time I am going for a ride, I will pm you.

 

Great post.  Love the Mapquest remark.  That goes for any internet map given directions.  I go to certainly places regularly and I can never get there or come back the same way ever (yeah I'm talking about you Starland Ballroom!).