THE GREEK LOAN

A Greek man walked into a bank in Sydney and asked for the
loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Greece on

business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that
he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some
form of security for the loan, so the Greek man handed over the
keys to his new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of

the bank. The Greek man produced the title and everything checked
out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan

And apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all
enjoyed a good laugh at the Greek man for using a $250,000 Ferrari as

collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the

Ferrari into the bank's underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Greek man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the

interest of $23.07 in full. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very

happy to have had your business, and this transaction has

worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were

away, we checked you out and found that you are a millionaire. What

puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000 when you are a

millionaire?"
The Greek man replied, "Malaka, where else in Sydney can I
park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect
it to be there when I return?

Ah, the Greeks...

Financial planning....




Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a year or two, my father will die and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men

An older, white haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful
young gal at his side. He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his
girlfriend. The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000.00 ring. The old
man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special." At that statement, the
jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a
stunning ring at only $40,000.00 the jeweller said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man
seeing this said, "We'll take it." The jeweller asked how payment would be
made and the old man stated, "by cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque is
good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and
I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweller phoned the older man. "There's no money in that
account." "I know," said the old man, "But let me tell you about my
weekend!'

Good Password!

During a recent audit at the Bank Of Ireland it was found that Paddy O'Toole

was using the following password:


MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyDublin


When asked why he had such a long password, Paddy replied:


''Bejazus! Are yez stupid?

Shore'n oi was told me password had to be at least 8 characters long

and include one capital!''

I got this new deodorant stick today.   
The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.
I can barely walk, but whenever I fart, the room smells awesome.

The Drought
I have just found out about a serious consequence of the current economic downturn. The cost of lamb in New Zealand has skyrocketed to $35 per hour

A little boy was sitting on the footpath with a bottle of turpentine. He was shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. “This is the most powerful liquid in the world,” said the little boy. “It’s called turpentine.”
The priest said, “No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water. If you rub it on a pregnant woman’s belly, she’ll pass a healthy baby.
“If you rub turpentine on a cat’s bum,” the little boy replied, “he’ll pass a Harley-Davidson!’

TEN REASONS WHY MEN PREFER GUNS TO WOMEN.


10. You can trade an old 44 for two new 22's.
9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.
7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
6. Your gun will stay with you even if... See more you run out of ammo.
5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
4. Guns function normally every day of the month.
3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"
2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....


WARNING; If you telling this yarn to a woman, I would suggest that you prepare your self to start running or protect yourself.



1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

Rob s noticed you posted this after Jukie left on Turismo trip.  You hoping it's going to be buried by the time she has access to the board again??

Heather that's just one of many things I'm going to pay dearly for next time i meet up with Jukie.

Bazz will like that one

It's not difficult to make a woman happy...
A man only needs to be:


1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5.. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13.. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23.. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26.. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37.. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. Determined!
41. true
42. dependable
43.. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes



HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring Alcohol

The Koala and the Little Lizard


A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past ,
looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"
The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.
But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.
A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks
the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in
the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.
The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where
the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
So the koala looks down at him and says:


"Fuuuu - k dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

Quote from: Rob s on February 04, 2010, 09:46:25 PM
Heather that's just one of many things I'm going to pay dearly for next time i meet up with Jukie.

Bazz will like that one

bazz loved  it and jukie well she said she will catch up with you 

TRUE LOVE

 
An elderly gent was invited to an old friend's home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Darling, Honey, My Love, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, etc..
The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.
While the wife was in the kitchen, the man leaned over to his host, and said: "I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your wife those loving pet names."
The old man hung his head. "I have to tell you the truth," he said. "Her name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, -- and I'm scared to death to ask the old pregnant dog what it is."

check it out...

http://www.batmancomic.info/