I'd love to own me a chain saw, but I live in a condo thus no use for one.

I actually thought about buying one and DHLing it down to the Hilton Resort in Costa Rica as these poor fellows on the maintenance staff had to take down a palm tree damaged in a storm with a make the beast with two backsing machete. Seriously? I felt so bad for these guys. I wanted to snap a picture, but that would be a bit rude.

It literally took these two fellows 3-4 hours to cut down a 5-6in diameter tropical tree.

Ok, so my chainsaw story:

I used to work at some duplex condo's during my summer's starting when I could get a work permit at 14. My brother's and I worked there and we got the job as the president of the homeowner's associations son was a Capt on the Fire Dept and my brother was at the time, so it sort of "stayed in the family" if you know what I mean. There were a few hundred units, so not a small outfit. We did everything but mow the grass. Trim bushes, take down trees, landscape, fix the shitty sprinkler system, etc etc etc.

Rules were no power tools til you were 16, so I spent the better half of two summers with a make the beast with two backsing rake and being my brother's pregnant doges, which is what older brothers make you do. I digress.

Fast forward many years to 2003.

Just graduated from college, didn't have a job, so my likely move was to go back to making 14$ an hour at Country Village (Mario/Grifo where know where this is).

The now boss was some huge douchebag that claimed to be a vietnam vet and had the most outlandish stories. Maybe they were true, maybe not. However, his drinking tails he told me (current at the time) were just ridiculously unbelievable.

Ok, so we had some wicked storms move through the area one July night and the next day was clean up duty.

I was on our piece of shit chain saw; I can't remember the brand, but it wasn't a high quality one.

I was cutting up and down pine trees, which if you have ever done this with a chainsaw, it is an awful mess of sap.

So the next day, Fagray (his name was Ray, but we called him that........that is short for make the beast with two backsing Gay Ray) he asked me to change out the chain on the saw and I kindly informed him I had no idea how to do it and he was like "you are a college graduate, make the beast with two backsing figure it out). Thanks dude. I love make the beast with two backsing with a high speed chain installation I know nothing about.

So I am hurrying to get this done because a dump truck showed up in our driveway at the "shed" to dump a shit ton of rock, but the driver couldn't fully dump the load because a tree limb was in the way of extending the bed.

So Ray instructs me to get out the big boy extension ladder, and proceed to cut down this limb about 30ft in the air.

I am not a make the beast with two backsing professional tree trimmer here. Also, I dislike heights, especially on extension ladders which are wobbly as make the beast with two backs at that height. So I throw all common sense to the wind, throw in a wad of chew, and say make the beast with two backs it.

I scale the ladder, get the shitty saw started and with one hand (only way to cut this branch) attempt at it. Nothing is happening at all. No cut, nothing.

Ray yells up "Hey moron, did you put the chain on backwards?"

Yup, I did. What a cocksucker.

I climb down the ladder again, disassemble the chain, switch it around (as the dump truck operator is getting pissed), fire the make the beast with two backser up, test it out on some nearby wood, works fine now.

Climb back up scary old ladder, start the make the beast with two backser, and one hand cut down this 4in limb.

That really sucked.

At least later in the day I got to kill a rabid possum we caught in our cage. Ray even paid me an extra hour of work to replace the hollow points I used  . It's not easy shooting a moving possum that is all make the beast with two backsed up, but I think I only popped off 3-5 rounds; I only missed once, just had to make good and sure that sucker wasn't going to get up again (Sac and Mr I - had to throw macho gun antics in the thread.......just for you guys  )

(yes, this possum had rabies........and I hate possums anyway)



On with the chainsaw stories...............

I used to make my living with my chainsaw and heat my house too (burned wood for many years).  I worked for the Forest Service and used their saws and took their basic class.  I was layed off during the winters and made money then by cutting wood.  I really learned a lot about using a saw when I was assigned to work with a 70 year old logger that had a special contract with the Forest Service.  He had to fall several dangerous trees and he took the time to teach me his trade.  My first saw was a homelite that my wife had picked up at a garage sale.  After I blew it up a second time I said the hell with it and ran out that very day and bought a brand new Husky 266 with a 28" bar.  Best impulse purchase I ever made. What a hell of a tool.  When sharp it cuts an old growth Doug Fir like it was made of butter.  Using the thing still give me a rush like riding my duck up a canyon or making it with a $5k a night ho (never actually did that).  That saw is 20 yrs old now but still pulls like a mother f*cker.   

Quote from: cyrus buelton on July 27, 2010, 05:29:53 AM
I'd love to own me a chain saw, but I live in a condo thus no use for one.

this sentence is so annoying

Quote from: cyrus buelton on July 27, 2010, 05:29:53 AM
I'd love to own me a chain saw, but I live in a condo thus no use for one.

What!?!?! Are you a make the beast with two backsing homo or something? Real men own chainsaws. You're probably one of those liberal fags who think chainsaws should be banned. Whatever dude. You know why I own a chainsaw? Be cause the make the beast with two backsing CONSTITUTION says I can, that's why!

sac

Quote from: ducatiz on July 27, 2010, 06:45:29 AM
this sentence is so annoying

Why do you think I posted it that way big bro?

I knew it would annoy someone.

Doesn't much surprise me you were the first to respond.

Irregardless, I still like you.

Quote from: SacDuc on July 27, 2010, 06:58:12 AM

What!?!?! Are you a make the beast with two backsing homo or something? Real men own chainsaws. You're probably one of those liberal fags who think chainsaws should be banned. Whatever dude. You know why I own a chainsaw? Be cause the make the beast with two backsing CONSTITUTION says I can, that's why!

sac

Liberal Fag?

How about you learn to make the beast with two backsing spell.

No wonder you can never find a job; your grammar sucks.

Quote from: SacDuc on July 27, 2010, 06:58:12 AM

What!?!?! Are you a make the beast with two backsing homo or something? Real men own chainsaws. You're probably one of those liberal fags who think chainsaws should be banned. Whatever dude. You know why I own a chainsaw? Be cause the make the beast with two backsing CONSTITUTION says I can, that's why!

sac

Cyrus,  Is this thread about you or chainsaws.  Don't be a pussy.  Get a damn saw.  I know you are into guns, me too, and I can tell you that my Husky with a 28" bar is much more manly than my 44 mag with a 6" barrel.  A 28" bar can make up for a lot of Penis inadequacy.

all I wanted was a chainsaw.... and she wouldn't give it to me.

Quote from: akmnstr on July 27, 2010, 07:07:47 AM
Cyrus,  Is this thread about you or chainsaws.  Don't be a pussy.  Get a damn saw.  I know you are into guns, me too, and I can tell you that my Husky with a 28" bar is much more manly than my 44 mag with a 6" barrel.  A 28" bar can make up for a lot of Penis inadequacy.

ppsssttt akmnstr:   it's always about him then secondarily another topic.

Quote from: cyrus buelton on July 27, 2010, 07:01:46 AM
Why do you think I posted it that way big bro?

I knew it would annoy someone.

Doesn't much surprise me you were the first to respond.

Irregardless, I still like you.


Liberal Fag?

How about you learn to make the beast with two backsing spell.

No wonder you can never find a job; your grammar sucks.

heehee


sac



/have never been unemployed in my adult life

Quote from: akmnstr on July 27, 2010, 07:07:47 AM
Cyrus,  Is this thread about you or chainsaws.  Don't be a pussy.  Get a damn saw.  I know you are into guns, me too, and I can tell you that my Husky with a 28" bar is much more manly than my 44 mag with a 6" barrel.  A 28" bar can make up for a lot of Penis inadequacy.

Chainsaws.

I have zero use for one. It'd be like me buying a surf board in Ohio.

Quote from: Stella on July 27, 2010, 07:09:45 AM
ppsssttt akmnstr:   it's always about him then secondarily another topic.

Of course it is 

Quote from: SacDuc on July 27, 2010, 07:10:32 AM
/have never been unemployed in my adult life

Ok or whatever your failed business venture was. I don't remember nor do I really give a shit.

Quote from: cyrus buelton on July 27, 2010, 07:13:27 AM
Chainsaws.

I have zero use for one. It'd be like me buying a surf board in Ohio.

so i guess you don't hang out at Surfer Monkey at Tuttle Crossing?

Quote from: ducatiz on July 27, 2010, 07:21:42 AM
so i guess you don't hang out at Surfer Monkey at Tuttle Crossing?

Can we get back on the subject of Chainsaws.  And every real man needs one, well maybe not Cyrus.  Ya never know when the need will come up.  Your fantasy woman could get trapped in her car when a tree falls on it and then there you are.  The hero with the right tool at the right time. 

Well I’ve heated with wood for years. Three of us go out every year to cut wood for three families.
It’s a lot of wood to say the least. I’ve got a Stihl 660 with a 30 inch bar on it.
since I’ve got the big saw I’m always the designated faller. Up here in north Idaho we cut standing deadwood.
Tamarack and Red Fir are what we go after. The guys are always complaining because I have a knack
for finding BFTs, (Big make the beast with two backsing Trees). Not sure how I do it but I’ll spot something up the hill that looks
good only to find out when I get up near it it’s a BFT! Think big like two rounds side by side go across a
pickup bed and 12 rounds fill a pickup, actually way overloaded it weight wise. Anyway I digress. Every time we go out
they say no more big trees. Especially since it takes 3 guys to pick up a round to load it. Sorry digressing again.
So we, I mean I, find this freaking huge tamarack just off the road. Now I always catch shit because I wear a hard hat
when I am falling a tree. I’ve had little shit come down but nothing really to worry about. So we are scoping this tree out
and I am looking at it and thinking how best to drop it where I want it. When I cut the big stuff like this I like to have a spotter
watching for me just in case. So I start my cut and realize that this tree is huge, I had to cut from both sides even with a 30in bar.
Holy crap I’m thinking, I hope this doesn’t spin on me. So I start my back cut and the BFT decides to lean back and pinch the bar.
Dammit dammit dammit! I break out the wedges and falling axe and drive the wedges in suddenly she (the BFT) decides to move.
She rolls off a cedar and freaking spins. I’m pulling the saw trying to get it loose. Thinking the whole time ah shit
this is where I buy the farm. I’m dancing around pulling on the saw and the BFT is moving in slow mo, leaning over and spinning
her deadly dance. She’s just about spun off the stump and the saw comes free. I yank the saw free and throw if out of the way
and I try and jump the other way and make it about 2 steps and WHAM. That’s all she wrote.
I come to and my friends are looking at me with big eyes and I’m saying what the make the beast with two backs happened.
Turns out that as the BFT, that pregnant dog, spun it sheared a big chunk of branch off way up in the crown and down it came and
met my head as I was getting out of the way. Never have had one word since then about the hard hat.
Though I still get shit, no more BFTs!!!!
yeah right.

Quote from: ducatiz on July 27, 2010, 07:21:42 AM
so i guess you don't hang out at Surfer Monkey at Tuttle Crossing?

1. How do you know what Tuttle Crossing is?
2. WTF is Surfer Monkey?

Quote from: akmnstr on July 27, 2010, 07:27:21 AM
Can we get back on the subject of Chainsaws.  And every real man needs one, well maybe not Cyrus.  Ya never know when the need will come up.  Your fantasy woman could get trapped in her car when a tree falls on it and then there you are.  The hero with the right tool at the right time. 

1. I'd love a nice Stihl Chainsaw, just would rather save my money at this point in my life
2. My fantasy woman is my wife
3. I am so strong, full of self confidence, and arrogant, I can move mountains on my own. therefore, I can just lift the tree off her Jetta.

There is nothing like that big "WHUMP!!!!!!"  of a BFT hitting the ground though.