Thank you, Rat, for reminding me that the month or so since I last checked in with my sister is longer than it should be.

And thank you for being there for your brother.

Your experience reminds me of the passing of my mother.  She died just 2 months ago.  It is hard to watch a loved one go.  I had similar feelings about what should I be doing. 

She lived a life that sounds a bit like a Dickens novel.  She was born of immigrant parents new to America but had
a bright future.  During these brief happy times her father was a cabinet maker with a solid future, she had a loving mother (a saint I was told) and a big sister to help look after her.  Then at 5 her mother dies and her whole world collapses.  Her father turns to drink and abandons her by shipping her off to distant relatives in WS.  It is the depression and life with loveless and poor relatives is hard.  She is lucky to have shoes some of the times.  At 16 she is kicked out and moves to Chicago, works as a maid, then a waitress, lives with her now married sister or her drunk and now totally worthless father.  At 21 she meets a fireman almost twice her age.  The man is cold and hard but true and responsible.  He gets drafted into WWII and they marry.  Her Life got better during the war because she made it so. 

I left home at 18 and got caught up in my own life but a couple of years ago moved to Texas to be near her.  It was hard to see her decline until she died but we had some good talks and times together.  I never could figure out how someone with such a hard beginning could turn into a kind, good, and loving person.  Seems like the prefect excuse for being an alcoholic, a criminal, or a whore.

RAT be glad for these times with your brother, they will stay with you and I'm sure he appreciates it more than he can show. 

Thanks, Rat and akmnstr, for sharing.  It really doesn't matter how you got to where you are today.  I am glad that you are able to make good use of the time remaining and be close to those people close to your heart.

It sounds sad - I wish you didn't have to experience this.

I'm loosing my father to dementia and, to a degree, I can handle it because we managed/dared to
tear down the walls of distance before it was too late. Now we can have a silent understanding and trust.

I have peace now and I think he does too.

My point is that the last hours, weeks or years are much easier if we have a minimum
of unspoken words and aren't missing displays of emotion.

[hug icon]

My thoughts go out to you RAT, LMT, and stopintime

[hugs]

No one gets out of here alive. Life can be tough. So is death. Only my father in law drew the short straw.  He lived with us during his final days and my wife and step son found him on the floor of his room when they came home to take him to 4:00 Saturday mass. DRT. Dead right there. Massive heart attack. Probably didn't move two feet when it hit. He suffered from congestive heart failure and his short future was going to be really tough on him and my wife. Thankfully he passed quickly (although alone) before all the bad shit happened.

Everyone in my family went through the meat grinder before passing. I probably have that to look forward to.

I've posted this before but Final Gifts by Maggie Callanan & Patricia Kelley is an extraordinary book that provides real and fascinating insight to the dying process.  The authors are hospice nurses drawing from intimate experience in understanding, comforting, and communicating with people as they near death.  Not religious.  I'd urge anyone facing the loss of a loved one to read it. Best regards.

http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Understanding-Awareness-Communications/dp/0553378767/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1268804065&sr=8-1

Wow.  Not sure I can add much to this thread.  It's great you're spending some time with your brother.  You both need that.  It's hard to watch someone fade, I remember dealing with the same with my grandfather.  It's tough.

Next time you're in Asheville, we should sit down over a beer or two.

JM

+1 on Final Gifts; we've found it tremendously helpful in a couple of situations over the past year.

Gerry...

My thoughts are with you.

PM if needed/wanted,
--Stu

Back in the High Life Again: Warren Zevon

Warren Zevon - Keep Me In Your Heart

 


Warren Zevon-01-Johnny Strikes Up The Band

Thank you all

Warren Zevon had some time to reflect on his own mortality, and an astounding talent to communicate what he found there. Another song of his that was very much in my head while I watched someone else's clock wind down not too long ago:

My Rides Here - Warren Zevon

Good Luck, Rat.