Friday Funnies??

[bikeless]

mate your an oil panting compared to me 

[heatherp]

Hiya Bazz. How ya doin'? 

[bikeless]

Hiya Bazz. How ya doin'? 

cruising along getting reading too do trip a away in the highlands chasing trophy trout i need a break from the quacks hows things your end hope you are well cheers bazz 

[dragonworld.]

I lost out on winning the pub quiz by one point.
The tie-break question was, "Where do women
mostly have curly hair?"



Apparently it's Africa .

[dragonworld.]

It aint funny, 'cept the bit about shooting the pollies!? 

Senior health care solution -

according to Maxine


So you're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you - what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 MP’s and 2 Ministers â€" not necessarily dead!   

Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, and all the health care you need!  New teeth - no problem.  Need glasses, great.  New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart?  All covered. (And your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now).

And who will be paying for all of this?  The same government that just told you that you they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes anymore.

IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY OR WHAT?

[heatherp]

Now there's a good idea. 

[FIFO]

A guy sat down at the bar and ordered a beer.

The bartender filled his mug and slid it down the bar.

While sliding down the bar, the mug hit a blond woman's boobs and splashed all over them...
The bartender went over, retrieved the mug and licked the beer off her boobs.

Each time the guy called for another beer this happened.
After his third beer, the guy decided to help the bartender out..
The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumped up and started to lick them...
She decked him!
He was laying on the floor moaning, 'Jeez lady... Why'd you let the bartender lick your boobs, but not me?'







'Duh,'

said the blond,
'He has a licker license!' 

[dragonworld.]

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotised 7 men and then dropped the microphone on his toe and yelled out "make the beast with two backs me!!"


What happened next will haunt me forever...

[Dannog]

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

One problem:

The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show:

"Not the same hat!"

"Flowers are under the table."

"All the cards are the ace of spades"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.

They stared at  each other with hatred but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back:

"OK, I give up. Where's the f*cking ship?"

[FIFO]

How fast can you guess the words? 

1. B o o _ s

2. _ _ n d o m

3. F _ _ k

4. P _ n _ s

5. P u _ s _



Answers Below, Don't cheat























Answers

1. Books

2. Random

3. Fork

4. Pants

5. Pulse

You got all 5 wrong DIDN'T YOU 

[Nickati]

Kaz got 5 wrong
Bambino got 5 right.......
Are you smuttier than a 5th grader ?
LOL

[signora monster]

You got all 5 wrong DIDN'T YOU 

No. I'm quite happy with my 5 rude answers. 

And yes. Nick, I am smuttier than a fifth grader. Isn't that why you married me???

[Nickati]

YES and YES !!

[Jukie]

yes i also got them wrong, but that was always expected

[Jukie]

Thanks Dragon

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