Friday Funnies??

[Dockstrada]

You think this is fast 

[gino]

Wow that could be fun !

[rendang]

 

Man tries to build nuke reactor in kitchen
Updated August 05, 2011 19:03:21

Photo: The aftermath of Swede Richard Handl's attempt to cook Americium, Radium and Beryllium in 96% sulphuric-acid in his kitchen. (richardsreactor.blogspot.com) Map: Sweden
A Swedish man who tried to build a nuclear reactor in his kitchen says he started the experiment "just for fun".

Richard Handl, 31, from Aengelholm municipality in south-western Sweden, was detained by police two weeks ago and says he started the project as a hobby.

"I have always been interested in nuclear physics and particle physics," he said.

In May, he launched an English-language blog, Richard's Reactor, in which he charted his progress in the project, complete with pictures.

His plan was "to build a working nuclear reactor. Not to gain electricity, just for fun and to see if it's possible to split atoms at home."

Just to make sure everything was above board, he sent an email to Sweden's Radiation Safety Authority.

"Hi! I'm really interested in nuclear physics and radiation," he wrote.

"As a hobby, I have ... gathered the basic materials (and) planned a project to build a very primitive nuclear reactor. You can see my plans here," he added, complete with a link to his blog.

"I'm now wondering if I am breaking a law with this?" he asked in the email.

At that point, his experiment came to an abrupt end.

Two days later "the police and the radiation safety authority came to my apartment," Mr Handl said.

Police questioned him for about half an hour, before releasing him, he said.

Mr Handl's blog can be found at http://richardsreactor.blogspot.com.

AFP

Topics: offbeat, sweden

[dragonworld.]

A group of bikers see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stopped. The leader walked over, and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm committing suicide," she replied. While he did not want to appear insensitive, he didn't want to miss an opportunity. "Before you jump, give me a kiss?" She gave him a long, deep lingering kiss. The biker said, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had. "Why are you committing suicide?" "My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl ! 

[Bazz21]

You think this is fast 

the seat should be on the tank if its like anything like the original one keeping the front down would be fun

[Jukie]

ok these are funny so get your tissues ready. Auto correct gone wrong

[Jukie]

and more

[Bazz21]

  . im glad i dont own one of them phone things cheers bazz
`

[Wells]

  Awesome Jukie.

[Two dogs]

A bloke is standing at a bar drinking and a beautiful woman is beside him .

He leans over and and says to her
"You remind me of my little toe"
She replies "Why?.....Im small and cute?

He says

  "No. Ill probably bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk"

[dragonworld.]

Spot on !   

You know you're Australian if ...   
 
   



* You believe that stubbies can be either drunk or worn.
 
* You think it's normal to have a leader called Julia.
 
 
* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.
 
* You're liable to burst out laughing whenever you hear of Americans "rooting" for something.
 
* You understand that the phrase 'a group of women wearing black thongs' refers to footwear and may be less alluring than it sounds.
 
* You pronounce Melbourne as 'Mel-bin'.
You believe the 'l' in the word 'Australia' is optional.
 
* You can translate: 'Dazza and Shazza played Acca Dacca on the way toMaccas.'
 
* You believe it makes perfect sense for a nation to decorate its highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.
 
* You call your best friend 'a total bastard' but someone you really, truly despise is just 'a bit of a bastard'.
 
* You think 'Woolloomooloo' is a perfectly reasonable name for a place.
 
* You're secretly proud of our killer wildlife.
 
* You believe it makes sense for a country to have a $1 coin that's twice as big as its $2 coin.
 
* You understand that 'Wagga Wagga' can be abbreviated to 'Wagga' but 'Woy Woy' can't be called 'Woy'.
 
* You believe that cooked-down axle grease makes a good breakfast spread. You've also squeezed it through Vita Wheats to make little Vegemite worms.
 
* You believe all famous Kiwis are actually Australian, until they stuff up, at which point they again become Kiwis.
 
* Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course.
 
* You know that certain words must, by law, be shouted out during any rendition of the Angels' song 'Am I Ever Gonna See Your Face Again'
and "Living next door to Alice".
 
* You believe that the confectionery known as the Wagon Wheel has become smaller with every passing year.
 
* You wear ugg boots outside the house.
 
* You believe that every important discovery in the world was made by an Australian but then sold off to the Yanks for a pittance.
 
* You believe that the more you shorten someone's name the more you like them.
 
* Whatever your linguistic skills, you find yourself able to order takeaway fluently in every Asian language.
 
* You understand that 'excuse me' can sound rude,
While 'scuse me' is always polite.
 
* You know what it's like to swallow a fly, on occasion via your nose.
 
* You know it's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle and a seat belt buckle becomes a pretty good branding iron.
 
* Your biggest family argument over the summer concerned the rules for beach cricket.
 
* You shake your head in horror when companies try to market what they call 'Anzac cookies'.
 
* You still think of Kylie as 'that girl off Neighbours'.
 
* When working on a bar, you understand male customers will feel the need to offer an excuse whenever they order low-alcohol beer.
 
* You know how to abbreviate every word, all of which usually end in -o : arvo, combo, garbo, kero, lezzo, metho, milko, muso, rego, servo, smoko, speedo, righto, goodo etc.
 
* You know that there is a universal place called "woop woop" located in the middle of nowhere...no matter where you actually are.
 
* You know that none of us actually drink Fosters beer, because it tastes like piss. But we let the world think we do. Because we can.
 
* You have some time in your life slept with Aeroguard on in the summer. Maybe even as perfume.
 
* You've only ever used the words - tops, ripper, sick, mad, rad, sweet
- to mean good. And then you place 'bloody' in front of it when you really mean it.
 
* You know that the barbecue is a political arena; the person holding the tongs is always the boss and usually a man. And the women make the Salad.
 
* You say 'no worries' quite often, whether you realise it or not.

* You understand what "no wucking furries" means.
 
* You've drank your tea/coffee/milo through a Tim Tam.
 
* You own a Bond's chesty. In several different colours.
 
* You know that roo meat tastes pretty good, But not as good as barra. Or a meat pie.
 
* You know that some people pronounce Australia like "Straya" and that's ok.
   


* And you will immediately forward this list to other Australians, here and overseas, realising that only they will understand.   
 

[Betty]

* You've made a bong out of your garden hose rather than use it for something illegal such as watering the garden.

Something illegal

* Beetroot with your Hamburger... Of course.

... you put beets on your burgers!

[dragonworld.]

One afternoon a Scotsman was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the Scotsman said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the Scotsman replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the Scotsman answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the Scotsman and said, "Sir, you are too kind.. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The Scotsman replied, "Glad to do it.

"You'll really love my place.

"The grass is almost a foot high!"

[dragonworld.]

Purchasing or Leasing - which is better?

   

Many people cannot decide which is cheaper - purchasing or leasing.

We'd like to help you  decide by illustrating two charming stories of

foolish men and cunning women.

Purchasing   

The maths on the Paul McCartney - Heather Mills divorce was as follows:

After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million.

Assuming he had sex  with her every night during their 5 year relationship

it ended up with him purchasing her @ $26,849 per time..
 
This is Heather... 



   

Leasing

On the other hand,

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer's favourite hooker, Kristen,

charged $4,000 per night.   

This is Kristen...   

   

So, had Paul McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years @ $4,000 per night,

he would have paid only $7.3 million in total for sex every night.

This represents a $41..7 million saving for Eliot.

What a shrewd man Eliot is, compared to the ageing Beatle.

Further valuable benefits of this Leasing option are;

*   a (real) 22 year old

*   no need for coaxing / pleading / begging

*   never a headache

*  happily agrees to all technical requests

*   no complaining

*   no “Honey - please do this” lists

*   has two legs

Best of all, she leaves and returns when asked. 

All at 1/7th the cost and no legal fees.

What does Heather think about this Purchase v Lease conundrum?... 

   

Where would you  rather be?... 

   

Sometimes Leasing just makes more sense.

THE OLD ADAGE STILL HOLDS TRUE..

...IF IT FLYS,  make the beast with two backsS, OR  FLOATS.............RENT IT!

[lukevo]

To much time in the kitchen


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