The Official No One Gives a Sh*t Thread

[lazylightnin717]

Easier than ever with EHarmony

My brother ended up marrying a woman that he met on that site...

I didn't give a shit until I found out she was a trauma surgeon 

Now I get awesome Christmas presents and hear stories about sledding accidents gone wrong

A lot of people laugh about those sites but it worked for my brother and he has a history of being much smarter than I...

[MendoDave]

Im sure they work fine. All im saying os that im married until one of us dies.
Im she goes first i really dont feel like dealing with another woman. Im full. Had enough for a lifetime, etc...

[Buckethead]

Easier than ever with EHarmony

Yeah, about online dating...

I'm in the process of re-writing my profile. Below is a rough draft:




On a scale of 1-10...

...how crazy are you?

If you answered less than "Bicycle made of babies," then I'm sorry, but you're just not up to my standards.

Let me explain.

I'm a pretty regular guy. I have a job, a car, all of my original teeth (minus baby/wisdom teeth), and I shower and shave on a regular basis. I'm looking for what most people would call a "normal" relationship. I want to find someone I'm comfortable with. Someone I'm attracted to, who I can fall in "like" with and go from there.

That... doesn't seem to be in the cards for me.

In 2012 I dated:

- A bisexual polyamorous swinger.
- A woman with clinically diagnosed PTSD from an abusive previous relationship. (Her service dog is cooler than anyone you know. Just saying.)
- A 37 year old whose biological clock was ticking so loudly it rattled my coffee cup like that scene from Jurassic Park.
- A motorcycle chick who drags knee at any opportunity.
- A recovering alcoholic, complete with felony DUI conviction.
- A new-age healer studying to be a sorceress/high priestess/I dunno what in some religion I've never heard of.
- An emotionally unavailable husk who was so shattered by a previous boyfriend cheating on her that she's unable to form meaningful connections with other people.

So, ladies of <location deleted>, I ask you: Can you top that? What sort of crazy do you bring to the table? Are you going to be the prime suspect if I should vanish without a trace?

If you answered yes, then let's talk! Let's make 2013 a year for the history books!

If you answered no, well, then...

Let's talk. You can't be worse than my exes. 

[MendoDave]

Yeah, about online dating...

I'm in the process of re-writing my profile. Below is a rough draft:




On a scale of 1-10...

...how crazy are you?

If you answered less than "Bicycle made of babies," then I'm sorry, but you're just not up to my standards.

Let me explain.

I'm a pretty regular guy. I have a job, a car, all of my original teeth (minus baby/wisdom teeth), and I shower and shave on a regular basis. I'm looking for what most people would call a "normal" relationship. I want to find someone I'm comfortable with. Someone I'm attracted to, who I can fall in "like" with and go from there.

That... doesn't seem to be in the cards for me.

In 2012 I dated:

- A bisexual polyamorous swinger.
- A woman with clinically diagnosed PTSD from an abusive previous relationship. (Her service dog is cooler than anyone you know. Just saying.)
- A 37 year old whose biological clock was ticking so loudly it rattled my coffee cup like that scene from Jurassic Park.
- A motorcycle chick who drags knee at any opportunity.
- A recovering alcoholic, complete with felony DUI conviction.
- A new-age healer studying to be a sorceress/high priestess/I dunno what in some religion I've never heard of.
- An emotionally unavailable husk who was so shattered by a previous boyfriend cheating on her that she's unable to form meaningful connections with other people.

So, ladies of <location deleted>, I ask you: Can you top that? What sort of crazy do you bring to the table? Are you going to be the prime suspect if I should vanish without a trace?

If you answered yes, then let's talk! Let's make 2013 a year for the history books!

If you answered no, well, then...

Let's talk. You can't be worse than my exes. 

[elyse]

um..buckethead..maybe you might not wanna be the one picking your own dates...that's quite the track record...im thinking you might wanna get a 2nd opinion before the next one you choose ends up being a serial killer..just sayin

[zooom]

- A bisexual polyamorous swinger.

been there...done that....

 
- A motorcycle chick who drags knee at any opportunity.

what was wrong with this one?....you just mad because she could ride better than you?...LOL...J/K

[Buckethead]

what was wrong with this one?....you just mad because she could ride better than you?...LOL...J/K

Nothing, but she lives an hour away and our schedules didn't match up.

[triangleforge]

Spent much of the holiday season piecing together a relatively respectable black tie outfit from various vintage & second hand clothing spots for tonight, and now Ann-Marie's too sick to go out.  Even worse, I don't get to see her out in the slinky Chinese silk dress she was planning to wear.

On the plus side, this moves our plans for a winter martini party back on the front burner...

[brimo]

Sore throat and headache, and it's not from New Year's eve overindulgence.

[elyse]

i hate amendments!!!
i especially hate amendments for oregon trimet!!!
i especially especially hate doing amendments that other co-workers should have been doing!!!
i especially especially especially hate getting bad information on said amendments & having to re-do over an hour and a half of my work!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MendoDave]

i hate amendments!!!
i especially hate amendments for oregon trimet!!!
i especially especially hate doing amendments that other co-workers should have been doing!!!
i especially especially especially hate getting bad information on said amendments & having to re-do over an hour and a half of my work!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So you're saying they are going to add some track to Portland's Tri met system? 

[ducpainter]

Spent much of the holiday season piecing together a relatively respectable black tie outfit from various vintage & second hand clothing spots for tonight, and now Ann-Marie's too sick to go out.  Even worse, I don't get to see her out in the slinky Chinese silk dress she was planning to wear.

On the plus side, this moves our plans for a winter martini party back on the front burner...

I wore a jacket and tie this week.

It counted.

[ungeheuer]

I wore a jacket and tie this week.

It counted.

NOGAS? Wrong thread DP.

[elyse]

i hate amendments!!!
i especially hate amendments for oregon trimet!!!
i especially especially hate doing amendments that other co-workers should have been doing!!!
i especially especially especially hate getting bad information on said amendments & having to re-do over an hour and a half of my work!!!
grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it's the amendment that never ends, it just goes on & on my friends...

ugh!!!! **slams head repeatedly on desk**

[MendoDave]

it's the amendment that never ends, it just goes on & on my friends...

ugh!!!! **slams head repeatedly on desk**

After this job you should try working for the federal government.