Foodie Thread

[Grampa]

Question.
If a man is sitting in his living room watching tv and his wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to yell at him every 5 minutes......

what has he done wrong?


























Answer.
He made her chain too long.


* rimshot

[Drunken Monkey]

I believe the phrase I've used on occasion is GET THE HELL OUT OF MY KITCHEN.

In my defense the kitchen has very little counter space and I have very little tolerance for 'nibblers' and 'rubberneckers'

This year my dream is for a new kitchen. Butcher block, zinc counters maybe even a sous vide setup.

[Nitewaif]

  to the butcherblock counter.  That would be heaven.

I don't feel so bad now.  After he ended up outside pouting and having a cigarette after being kicked out of the kitchen for the 11tybillionth time, I was sort of feeling guilty.  But man, it just drives me nuts when somebody's blocking my progress in the kitchen.  I knew I couldn't be the only one who was protective of my cooking space.   Thanks, y'all!   

[ZLTFUL]

My advice...kick him to the curb and start cookin' for me! I'll even bring the butchblock counter to the proverbial table! 

[NoisyDante]

If they can cook competently, then they can help,  If they can't, get out of my kitchen.  I do want my next lady friend to know how to cook, but that is because I enjoy cooking with someone who knows how.  I get too frustrated when someone decides to help but makes it all more difficult than it needs to be.

[badgalbetty]

at the shack where I live one of my room-mates is not very aware of how things work like being nice, getting along, tidying up after herself etc. When she comes home from work in the evening it takes her 2 hours to make a stir fry and tofu whatever and for thst 2 hours you dont wanna be in the kitchen. Bad tempered ill mannered old pregnant dog.
I just go without a meal at the end of the day and hide in my room.......I avoid the drama and go without making myself food.
BGB

[Polpetta]

We let everyone help in the kitchen, it is a family event.....
                                                                                  Grandma & Grandpop...nieces and nephews....

If your hands are clean and you like gloppy things...you can at least mix.....

I learned how to cook from my grandparents and parents from when I was wearing diapers.

A lot of my favorite moments in life have been cooking with people I love and then sitting down to enjoy it together

[Nitewaif]

My advice...kick him to the curb and start cookin' for me! I'll even bring the butchblock counter to the proverbial table! 

Only if you don't snore.   


Like I said, I don't mind somebody in the kitchen who "gets" the flow of cooking or whatever, but I told him last night that every time I cook for him, it's like football or something.  I turn to grab something from the fridge, it's like he's set up a defensive play that I have to either run around or duck under, and he truly is the size of a linebacker.  I reach for a spice in my pantry, and he's moved into position to block the pantry, anticipating my move.  What's odd is that he's a great cook who has even worked in restaurants in the past, but I guess when you are that big, you are used to people getting out of your way.

BadgalBetty, that sucks for you.    I hope you find a better living situation.

[ZLTFUL]

Only if you don't snore.   

Actually, I don't... 

Anyway, I love to cook but have had too many bad experiences with people trying to "help" me that did no good.

A perfect example is my ex's mom (a saint of a woman) wanted to know how I made my "AMAZING" (her word not mine...I consider it good but I have had better usually made by hairy Italian women who could pitch me across a room) lasagna.

As I was prepping everything, I was explaining how to bruise the basil before adding it to the meat mix...she says, "Why don't you just use dry basil?" and proceeds to dump some into the skillet. It was all I could do not to scream in frustration.
Strike two came in the form of me asking her to begin the water for the noodles. She fills the pan about half full, throws the noodles in the pan and sets the pan on the stove...and THEN she turns it on. I am openly weeping at this point.
Strike three and yer outta da kitchen! I ask her to grab the ricotta (I get the good stuff from the local dago...not that mass produced slightly better than cottage cheese shit every grocery store sells)...she proceeds to grab a tub of large curd cottage cheese and begins to spread it on...The EMTs said that when they finally got me tranqed, I was trying VERY hard to swallow my own tongue.

I love showing people how to make some of the dishes I make very well. But when you try and help, you better know the flow or sit back and watch.

[JBubble]

I used to have to kick Mother out of the kitchen (or give him a job far away from me, like chopping veggies) but now that I have a bum right hand, he kicks me out of the kitchen and calls me a gimp.  

[KnightofNi]

i have to have someone that understands or can at lwast adapt to certain parts of my style of cooking.

the current g/f just gives me the asshole face when she strays from my plan of attack and ti try to explain it to her.
things like why i start the sauce well before the pasta...


when sher cooks i stay away because she won't clean as she goes and does things the hard or backwards way.


since the kitchen is tiny it helps keep us out of each other's way, lol

I used to have to kick Mother out of the kitchen (or give him a job far away from me, like chopping veggies) but now that I have a bum right hand, he kicks me out of the kitchen and calls me a gimp. 

haha, kath and i both have a bum right side. we had to team up to make dinner. it was chicken fingers. lol.

[Nitewaif]

Actually, I don't... 

I am openly weeping at this point.
Strike three and yer outta da kitchen! I ask her to grab the ricotta (I get the good stuff from the local dago...not that mass produced slightly better than cottage cheese shit every grocery store sells)...she proceeds to grab a tub of large curd cottage cheese and begins to spread it on...The EMTs said that when they finally got me tranqed, I was trying VERY hard to swallow my own tongue.

  They would've needed a ketamine dart for me after this, too. 


JBubble, when I was all gimped up and one-armed, I had a friend who'd come over and chop/prep for me, and he'd get soused on port while I got to make dinner the easy way.  You could try that with Mom, but then those firemen types are usually some pretty decent cooks.  You might just wanna sit back and enjoy it. 

[GAAN]

shhhh

she thinks I can't cook

this is good for me

[Nitewaif]

shhhh

she thinks I can't cook

this is good for me

[RAT900]

Cooking creatively can be an intense form of personal expression..... it is artistry

having folks insist on helping

is like being an artist and having a house-painter waltz into the studio and pick up a brush to help fill in your canvas

In RAT-world you would be allowed to kill them in self-defense