Corrupt a wish

[Johnny OrganDonor]

Oh and I wish I had that drink now.

OK, you get to enjoy your Jose Cuervo Platinum Family Reserve in a crushed ice margarita made with cheap triple sec and juice from a plastic lime.

I wish that I wasn't so boring

[x136]

In becoming exciting, you gain enemies. Powerful ones. They do what powerful enemies tend to do: Kill your ass. How's that for an exciting life?

I wish I had a fruit tree that bore no fruit.

[somegirl]

Your fruit tree bears no fruit.  Instead, it just eats fruit.  In fact it is so hungry for fruit it becomes overgrown and sticks its branches through the windows into the kitchen.

I wish my paperwork would organize itself.

[aaronb]

your paper wok organizes itself but you forgot to put a cover letter on your TPS report.  didn't you get the memo?

i wish i had a nice bottle of scotch to drink tonight.

[x136]

You have in front of you an immaculate bottle of scotch... tape. Whoops.

I wish I could get eight hours of sleep in four hours.

[ducatiz]

You have in front of you an immaculate bottle of scotch... tape. Whoops.

I wish I could get eight hours of sleep in four hours.

You get 8 hours of sleep in 4, but it turns out everything for you now moves at 2x speed.  You die in half the time you would have otherwise, thinking everyone has been moving in slow motion.

I wish I had a bidet.

[Buckethead]

Granted, but its hooked to your building's fire-sprinkler system. Instant water colonic. Every time.

I wish my car's alignment were fixed already.

[aaronb]

your alignment is now perfect... because every road veers to the left now.  it now takes longer get to your destination because you just drive around in big circles

i wish my new neighbors were quieter

[Johnny OrganDonor]

your alignment is now perfect... because every road veers to the left now.  it now takes longer get to your destination because you just drive around in big circles

i wish my new neighbors were quieter

Everyone in the neighborhood told the investigators that your nieghbors were so quiet and never bothered any one.  No one can understand how your severed head ended up in your nieghbor's freezer.

I wish I were a tanning consultant to super models.  Beautiful female super models.

[aaronb]

you are now a man working in the fashion industry, enjoy the gay sex


i wish i had mind control

[Porsche Monkey]

Granted.  You now have the ability to control minds. Unfortunatly every time you use this new found power you. Shart yourself uncontrollably for hours on end. 

I wish for a bacon burger.

[ducatiz]

Granted.  You now have the ability to control minds. Unfortunatly every time you use this new found power you. Shart yourself uncontrollably for hours on end. 

I wish for a bacon burger.

your veggie bacon veggie burger with sprouted spelt bread, rice sprouts and birch bark magically appears, with a side of beet salad and organically grown lark's anuses.

i wish i had a personal assistant, who looked like jessica alba, but had a perfect OFF switch and a volume control.

[Monsterlover]

Granted, but after you use the "off" switch, you discover the lack of an "on" switch.  You use her to hang your coat on.

I wish track days were cheaper so I could do more of them.

[Buckethead]

Track days cost $50. The schools are swamped. They increase enrollment. The next track day you can get a slot for has 75 people on track at once. Some noob on a 'Busa totals your bike and his coming out of the pits. You are, thankfully, unhurt.

I wish I were sober.

[Porsche Monkey]

Granted.  You are sobered up very quickly after waking up next to a waitress with a uni-brow and missing half her teeth. And what is that smell?

I wish I had a picture of your last night to blackmail you.