Things that are more painful as you get older

[1.21GW]

Read this elsewhere and thought many DMFers would appreciate.  Younger DMFers: be warned, however much you plan to stay in shape, this is your future.  (Original post from Deadspin here.)

I just had a snow day with my kids and kids give zero make the beast with two backss about wet clothing or getting snow down their crack. I remember this distinctly from when I was a kid: I could stay out in the cold for hours and hours in wet jeans, with rivers of snot pouring out of my nose, and I wouldn't really care until I got inside and realized that I was on the verge of death. Kids have a higher tolerance for pain and they are far, far less aware of danger than you or I are. Half my life is now spent shouting at my kids DON'T DO THAT, THAT WILL KILL YOU.

Some other things that are more painful as you get older:

Sitting on a floor. This is the big one for me. Children can sit on a floor forever. They can sit cross-legged. They can sit with their legs stretched all the way out. They can roll over and lay on their bellies with their chins resting atop their elbows. I can't do any of that for more than six seconds. It hurts to LOOK at them doing this.

Sleeping on a floor. Drunk teenagers are also good at this. Once you hit 30, you will never crash anywhere again unless forced.

Falling. My friends and I used to laugh at that "I've fallen and I can't get up!" ad all the time when were kids because we didn't understand why she couldn't get up. Just get up, you old crone. What a looooozer LULZ!

Stretching. Kids and babies are so absurdly flexible that it's fascinating. When I change my kid's diaper, sometimes I like to see just how far I can pull his ankles past his head. Answer: pretty far! Sorry if I tore your hamstring, kiddo. It's like changing a member of the X-Men (an X-Man?).

Having five other people jump on top of you. Kids can sit at the bottom of a dogpile for nine hours, laughing and giggling and even doing craft projects. By contrast, I had my one-year-old fall on me the other day and it was like someone dropped a piano on my make the beast with two backsing head.

Hanging from things. At the playground, I will joke around and dangle from the monkey bars for half a second and separate both shoulders.

Spinning. How do they not get sick? Why are they completely unaffected by centrifugal forces? I don't get it. Every playground now has a tilted, spinning gyroscopic-type device that can take you from 0 to nauseous in just two spins. Kids can stay on this thing for hours. It's like they're trained astronauts.

Chapped lips. They could look like Ronald McDonald and still refuse Blistex.

[Duck-Stew]

Yes, yes, yes and more yes....  Dammit.  But alas, age does have it's benefits:

We now know that you either pay for alcohol up front (higher $), or pay later (porcelain god/hangover).

Dating strippers/models/actresses is a nice idea but rarely works.

We can now afford those cars/bikes we only dreamed about before and NOT get charged 11tyB for insurance premiums.

etc, etc...

[Grampa]

putting on the gimp suit

[memper]

Making some kind of groan every time you bend over.

[Speedbag]

Yes, yes, yes and more yes....  Dammit.  But alas, age does have it's benefits:

We now know that you either pay for alcohol up front (higher $), or pay later (porcelain god/hangover).

Dating strippers/models/actresses is a nice idea but rarely works.

We can now afford those cars/bikes we only dreamed about before and NOT get charged 11tyB for insurance premiums.

etc, etc...

Yes.

But that part about sleeping on the floor, oh yeah.....

[teddy037.3]

aside from stu's

We can now afford those cars/bikes we only dreamed about before and NOT get charged 11tyB for insurance premiums.

I see no benefit whatsoever from older me. this is some bullshit.

[DucDucGoos]

The spinning definitely gets to me now.. I know my mom got vertigo as she got older, always wondered if that will happen to me as well

[Buckethead]

My initial response was going to be "memories," but thankfully those tend to lose their edge with time. Tho a vivid dream can throw you right back into it for a day or two.

So I decided to go with: Working with people younger than you who are doing a better job of applying themselves than you did.

[Ducatamount]

My 20-20 hindsight. 

[1.21GW]

So I decided to go with: Working with people younger than you who are doing a better job of applying themselves than you did.

So in my case, pretty much everyone young. 

[fastwin]

I feel like this thread was posted for me. My wife and friends make fun of the fact that I let out a moan every time I bend over to pick something up or reach up high to get stuff. Funny, I've been doing it for a long time so I guess I was practicing for these years.