So the girlfriend and i have been talking about moving into a house together
i've never lived with a girlfriend before - so this will be a pretty big step for me
we are talking about doing it next June.
we were thinking of moving up to Paso Robles (where i work, and about 30 minutes north of where we currently live), but the more i am up here the less i like the town. Also, moving up here will distance ourselves from all of our friends and my family.
I really like living where i do, but i don't like my roommates thrashing my furniture and such and it would be nice to have a whole house of my/our own.
any advice?
run.......
run free my brother
[cheeky]
Quote from: TiAvenger on October 09, 2008, 12:30:01 PM
run.......
run free my brother
[cheeky]
Damn right, what are you letting yourself in for... do you not see the pain and torment us married types go through?
Quote from: NuTTs on October 09, 2008, 12:43:48 PM
Damn right, what are you letting yourself in for... do you not see the pain and torment us married types go through?
yeah, but you're NuTTs!
Quote from: TiAvenger on October 09, 2008, 12:30:01 PM
run.......
run free my brother
[cheeky]
Cueing Monty Python:
Run away! Run away!
;D
On the more serious side: I assume there are housing options other than Paso Robles? June is far away. Plenty of time to look, decide, and redecide.
do a trial run before you get into a lease
youll know in the first 3 months if it will be cool or not.
Quote from: TiAvenger on October 09, 2008, 12:30:01 PM
run.......
run free my brother
[cheeky]
+1
You will look back later in life and determine you made a mistake by living with your GF. Embrace your current situation and even your roomates. Keeping furniture nice is NOT a reason to move in with the GF! Run Free, Run Free.
You're going to be taught a number of the things you thought you knew are wrong.
You don't wash the dishes correctly (barring that, you load the dishwasher entirely wrong).
Apparently not turning on the light late at night to pee is unacceptable.
Your laundry skills lack.
If you want to play video games until 3 am, you will have to endure numerous requests to "come to bed".
Some girls have no clue about bathroom boundaries once they live with you. You'll be in the shower, whizzing, taking a crap, and she'll just wander in and do whatever she needs to do, possibly while wanting to talk.
If she has a pet you now need to take care of it.
You will need to redecorate.
You will NOT be able to find your food, or anything in the kitchen.
You have to call if you're going to be home late.
Some evenings you'll come home to a house full of her and her friends and they'll all give you *that* look and sort of giggle to themselves. At that point, you will feel terribly inclined to leave.
If you dump her, you move out but still owe half the rent.
Etc.
Quote from: elTristo on October 09, 2008, 12:50:21 PM
On the more serious side: I assume there are housing options other than Paso Robles? June is far away. Plenty of time to look, decide, and redecide.
there are
she wants to get out of the immediate area - where as i have moved into, and rather like the immediate area
Quote from: TiAvenger on October 09, 2008, 12:51:00 PM
do a trial run before you get into a lease
youll know in the first 3 months if it will be cool or not.
yeah, i'm hoping we can find a month-month lease - but that is very unlikely here
she is moving out when her lease is up in June no matter what.
she could move in with my roomates and i in the current house - but there isn't a ton of room
Since you do have some time, I would let the idea stew for a bit. If in a few months if the desire is still there, then what the hell, go for it.
Don't make the mistake of moving in together prematurally because you aren't happy with your current roommates... I did that and it ruined a good relationship... we just weren't ready to live together and both had situations where we "needed" to get out... we defaulted on each other.
Also, like has been stated, Don't buy for sure. Doing a 1 year lease is fine, as long as one of you can afford to take over the lease if the other decides to leave.
FYI, living together is a huge step... it will make or break a relationship.
BTW, I would recommend living where you want to live, esp if you aren't so keen on the area you work in.
Here are some advantages:
Someone to do your laundry for you
Someone to cook you good food and bring it to you while you're watching the races on tv
Someone to clean
Beer fetcher
Someone to do naughty things with ALL THE TIME
You can live with a gf and have it be good. Its not a doomsday thing. But you have to be ready for it. If you're not, figure out why and communicate that to her.
I hate to say it cause I like her and all
Quotethere are
she wants to get out of the immediate area - where as i have moved into, and rather like the immediate area
this will cause some major friction.
Every time in the summer you step outside into the hell hole that is paso, you'll realize what you are missing out on. And the resentment will grow
Unless you rent a winery.... then you might be ok
Quote from: JBubble on October 09, 2008, 12:59:40 PM
Here are some advantages:
Someone to do your laundry for you lie
Someone to cook you good food and bring it to you while you're watching the races on tv lie
Someone to clean lie
Beer fetcher well maybe
Someone to do naughty things with ALL THE TIME your pants are on fire
You can live with a gf and have it be good. IT BURNS Its not a doomsday thing. But you have to be ready for it. If you're not, figure out why and communicate that to her.
[evil] [cheeky]
nothing good can come from this
says the guy who is on marriage #2
and who has lived with 4 g/fs
Quote from: bobspapa on October 09, 2008, 01:02:14 PM
nothing good can come from this
says the guy who is on marriage #2
and who has lived with 4 g/fs
Yeah just the other day, he was telling me the second marriage is the worst...... you escape the first one and bam... suckered right back into domestic slavery......
/runs and hides from BP and LM
a bit more backstory:
i really don't mind living in the house that i do
i'm actually very comfortable there and the roommates aren't that bad - they just don't keep care of my stuff
she on the other hand has horrid roommates and she will not sign another lease once this one is up.
the idea of us moving in together came up a while ago - and is developing into, we need to really look into this.
my goal is to find a place with a garage - she can decorate / do whatever with the house - but the outside and garage is mine.
i'm really pushing for living local - but it would be easier and way cheaper to live in Paso Robles (it sucks)
I moved to a cheaper place in a sucky area. It sucks, as you might expect. I would say try as hard as you can to stay in the area you love. It's worth it.
Quote from: MrFry on October 09, 2008, 01:04:27 PM
a bit more backstory:
i really don't mind living in the house that i do
i'm actually very comfortable there and the roommates aren't that bad - they just don't keep care of my stuff
she on the other hand has horrid roommates and she will not sign another lease once this one is up.
the idea of us moving in together came up a while ago - and is developing into, we need to really look into this.
my goal is to find a place with a garage - she can decorate / do whatever with the house - but the outside and garage is mine.
i'm really pushing for living local - but it would be easier and way cheaper to live in Paso Robles (it sucks)
the only way to make it work out...is for the rules and expectations to be very clear. who pays for what and how much. nothing is to be assumed. and.... both of you need to have a backup plan in place should things go bad. (nothing like feeling stuck)
Quote from: TiAvenger on October 09, 2008, 01:04:18 PM
Yeah just the other day, he was telling me the second marriage is the worst...... you escape the first one and bam... suckered right back into domestic slavery......
/runs and hides from BP and LM
she gonna keeeeel you
Quote from: MrFry on October 09, 2008, 01:04:27 PM
a bit more backstory:
i really don't mind living in the house that i do
i'm actually very comfortable there and the roommates aren't that bad - they just don't keep care of my stuff
she on the other hand has horrid roommates and she will not sign another lease once this one is up.
the idea of us moving in together came up a while ago - and is developing into, we need to really look into this.
my goal is to find a place with a garage - she can decorate / do whatever with the house - but the outside and garage is mine.
i'm really pushing for living local - but it would be easier and way cheaper to live in Paso Robles (it sucks)
We are trying to help you, but you seem to ignore the most important point. DO NOT MOVE IN WIHT YOUR GF! You will have the rest of your life to deal with the consequences of marriage. Why start it early than you have to. It's like graduating from college a year and a half early just cause you can. Big mistake.
Quote from: somebastid on October 09, 2008, 12:53:53 PM
Some girls have no clue about bathroom boundaries once they live with you. You'll be in the shower, whizzing, taking a crap, and she'll just wander in and do whatever she needs to do, possibly while wanting to talk.
I agree with everything else somebastid said but. I dont dont agree with or approve of taking a crap while your in the shower...
A whiz well we've all done that, but trying to knock a turd down the drain would just be over the top...
Quote from: JBubble on October 09, 2008, 12:59:40 PM
Here are some advantages:
Someone to do your laundry for you
Someone to cook you good food and bring it to you while you're watching the races on tv
Someone to clean
Beer fetcher
Someone to do naughty things with ALL THE TIME
These will last for the first month TOPS.
My girlfriend just moved into my place like a ninja. I woke up one day and there was food where my beer goes, lotions and potions in the bathroom and old lady doilies over the bathroom window, now I can't look out the window when I'm poopin'
just say no to the jar of shells on the back of the toilet
Quote from: bobspapa on October 09, 2008, 01:14:54 PM
just say no to the jar of shells on the back of the toilet
+ohsomany
Quote from: 13 on October 09, 2008, 01:11:47 PM
These will last for the first month TOPS.
My girlfriend just moved into my place like a ninja. I woke up one day and there was food where my beer goes, lotions and potions in the bathroom and old lady doilies over the bathroom window, now I can't look out the window when I'm poopin'
Then you're dating the wrong girl.
I'm so done with this thread. Fry, do what your gut tells you too. Everybody else seems to think that all women are completely incapable of being around without you being miserable. Its not true.
Quote from: bobspapa on October 09, 2008, 01:14:54 PM
just say no to the jar of shells on the back of the toilet
We have those in the kitchen,
What do they do?
Quote from: JBubble on October 09, 2008, 01:15:38 PM
Then you're dating the wrong girl.
I'm so done with this thread. Fry, do what your gut tells you too. Everybody else seems to think that all women are completely incapable of being around without you being miserable. Its not true.
:-*
where's my sammich woman?
Quote from: 13 on October 09, 2008, 01:16:22 PM
We have those in the kitchen,
What do they do?
it's a future yardsale nickle
Make sure there is plenty of that pretty , soap. And have a project , you both genuinely are interested in, because you'll both need to have something else to occupy the clown room's noisey clock. I'll bill ya.
Quote from: JBubble on October 09, 2008, 01:15:38 PM
Then you're dating the wrong girl.
I'm so done with this thread. Fry, do what your girl tells you too. Everybody else seems to think that all women are completely incapable of being around without you being miserable. Its true.
Fixed [laugh]
Quote from: 13 on October 09, 2008, 01:11:47 PM
I woke up one day and there was food where my beer goes,
LMAO! [laugh]
Quote from: bobspapa on October 09, 2008, 01:16:53 PM
:-*
where's my sammich woman?
coming dear.
For the rest of you: [roll]
my for real advice is get a 2 br apt. yes it will cost more, but she will have a place to keep her 5 tons of crap, and if the relationship goes south there is another room for one of you to sleep in until the lease runs out.
i thought i was a slob and had a lot of stuff. then i moved in with my g/f. holy maloley, she's far worse than i am. the bathroom is covered in long hair, her "products" are all over the dam place, but at least there's always TP. the hair gets EVERYWHERE. i walk 3 steps and i have a clump of hair woven inot my sock. i take a shower and i'm pulling it out of my crack. (how the hell does that get there when i'm not naked int he bedroom beforehand?)
it's not all doom and gloom, but it is a HUGE step and a major adjustment. you don't have the privacy that you had before, what once was yours is now "ours", and you have to deal with the "do i look fat" type questions a lot more. just make sure you are actually ready for it. ohh and make sure you have the bill payment chedule worked out too.
Quote from: JBubble on October 09, 2008, 12:59:40 PM
Here are some advantages:
Someone to do your laundry for you - i do the laundry
Someone to cook you good food and bring it to you while you're watching the races on tv - she hogs the tv, i cook and bring it to her
Someone to clean - that would be me too
Beer fetcher - occasionally, but i'm usually the drink fetcher
Someone to do naughty things with ALL THE TIME - not all the time, and the level of naughtyness needs to be set forth beforehand, but yeah. i'll agree with this one.
You can live with a gf and have it be good. Its not a doomsday thing. But you have to be ready for it. If you're not, figure out why and communicate that to her.
wtf, did i actually move in with a dude? did i miss something? ???
[laugh]
Quote from: JBubble on October 09, 2008, 01:26:52 PM
coming dear.
For the rest of you: [roll]
Ohhhh.....we're just pokin' at Fry. Our advice isn't worth much anyway-he knows how well he gets along with her. If it were me, I would 1) do a trial run. 2) lay some ground rules (no anal tuesdays or similar things), 3) find a place you both like and 4) have an escape plan, for both of you.
Quote from: somebastid on October 09, 2008, 01:34:06 PM
Ohhhh.....we're just pokin' at Fry. Our advice isn't worth much anyway-he knows how well he gets along with her. If it were me, I would 1) do a trial run. 2) lay some ground rules (all anal tuesdays or similar things), 3) find a place you both like and 4) have an escape plan, for both of you.
Fixed... yet again....
But yeah JB, we are just poking fun cause we know them.
They will be fine [laugh]
Fry,
Do you see youself marrying her? If no or not sure: run away. If yes: rent a place together in a town you like.
Just know there is no going backwards from living together...it's either heartache or marriage.
So why isn't moving in together not in Paso an option? Paso sucks and everyone knows it. I'd rent together first.
I lived w/ my gf for almost 3 years while in SLO. It started out as her staying over to play around a bit and then turned into her hanging around to do homework because we didn't have any free time to hang out and then ended up her staying over all the time even though she had her own place.
Like the others said, the playing around all the time perk went away after about 2 months. It was kind of a mutual thing though and we still played around whenever we wanted which was nice. Alone time was seriously lacking since we both spent all our time in the apartment in my bedroom. She'd try to do homework while I was watching/ playing on the computer and it didn't work out hot all the time. In a house w/ people out of school I can see this not being as bad but could still be a problem. In the end it got to be too much of each other and it felt oppressive and killed the relationship (not alone but with other stuff factored in).
The new girl doesn't want to live together until we're married. It took her the longest time to get comfortable even sleeping together in the same bed. Gals can be quite different so your experience can be totally different than ours. Talk about it with her a lot and if you're both not totally up for the idea it probably shouldn't happen. Sometimes the little things you plan on working out along the way never get worked out and really get blown out of proportion.
I moved in with 2 previous bfs. Neither worked out. Partly, because I moved into their places. I never felt like it was OUR place, just HIS place.
We B and I moved in together we picked out OUR new place together. We looked at lots of places in order to find the one WE were happy with.
Now that we're married he's screwed. ;) ;D (j/k)
+2 for BP advice of who pay's for what etc. It isn't romantice to discuss $$$, but needs to be clear in a joint living situation. B and I handle this by having a joint account that we put X amount in to cover our monthly bills. When is comes to $$$ in a relationship, it needs to be handled like a business.
Sounds like the rest of you are a wee bit bitter after bad experiences....................................get over it. ;) She obviously wasn't the one.
just do it...
if you screw up...
you can try again.
Look at it as a learning experience.
No matter where you go...there you are.
Quote from: ducpainter on October 09, 2008, 02:03:05 PM
just do it...
if you screw up...
you can try again.
Look at it as a learning experience.
No matter where you go...there you are.
or.... switch places and screw down
[laugh]
This thread just reminds me of something I saw in the "Motivational Posters" thread....
(http://www.abluestar.com/utilities/rndimages/img/post-17-1165900502.jpg)
Quote from: bobspapa on October 09, 2008, 02:04:15 PM
or.... switch places and screw down
[laugh]
That too... ;)
'cept I was serious.
There are no guarantees in life.
People grow...sometimes apart...
and change...sometimes for the worse.
The only way they'll find out is to do it...
talk is cheap...
and rarely accomplishes anything.
Plans never...ever...ever work out.
Quote from: 13 on October 09, 2008, 01:16:22 PM
We have those in the kitchen,
What do they do?
Dude, a toilet in the kitchen?
[laugh]
Quote from: ducpainter on October 09, 2008, 02:13:19 PM
That too... ;)
'cept I was serious.
There are no guarantees in life. Except death.
People grow...sometimes apart... but normally around their waist and ass
and change...sometimes for the worse. which is the opposite of better
The only way they'll find out is to do it... perferably behind closed doors and quietly
talk is cheap... till you have to back it up, then it gets really, really, expensive
and rarely accomplishes anything. Much like Trevor
Plans never...ever...ever work out. Even when designed by engineers
AHEM ;D
Quote from: ducpainter on October 09, 2008, 02:13:19 PM
Plans never...ever...ever work out.
where was this advice 8 years ago? ;D
the one GF I moved in w/... well... obviously we broke up, but it was unrelated to living together for 2 years.
it's not all bad, but yeah, you won't know until you do it.
Just do it. Either it works or it doesn't. You're going to have to figure it out sooner or later anyhow.
Quote from: darylbowden on October 09, 2008, 02:45:23 PM
Just do it. Either it works or it doesn't. You're going to have to figure it out sooner or later anyhow.
They won't listen to you either. ;D
Mistake #1 would be moving away from San Luis Obispo. Been there. Done that. Now look at me, I live in Merced and I want to die.
Mistake #2 is when you move in with her and realize that girls have to poop too. All this time I thought it was a myth. It happens my friend. Be prepared.
If the winds die down by tomorrow, you may see my bike at Gus's. Please come take my keys away from me. [drink] just kidding
Quote from: TiAvenger on October 09, 2008, 01:37:25 PM
Fixed... yet again....
But yeah JB, we are just poking fun cause we know them.
They will be fine [laugh]
You shush! No pokin fun! [cheeky]
the choice's are all yours fry, your heart knows what to do... and as always, good luck to you :)
Quote from: ducpainter on October 09, 2008, 03:08:04 PM
They won't listen to you either. ;D
Haha, I didn't bother reading the rest of the thread until I saw your reply.
What is it they say about great minds? You think that applies to ours as well?
Even taking into account that this thread is full of (hopefully) 90 percent joking, it still sounds like there are a ton of immature guys out there.
Also sounds like almost every relationship on the DMF has zero communication.
Hung out in Europe for one year with G in a tent so small only one of us could sit up at a time.
lived in several crap apartments together.
bought a 35 thousand dollar home together to practice renovations in a crap part of the city as our first house.
what's so hard again?
if she's your best friend and you talk about everything each day then fine...you'll grow and change together...(or not).
If she's not your best friend why are you sleeping with her and considering living together? As a tide-me-over?
Quote from: darylbowden on October 09, 2008, 04:29:18 PM
Haha, I didn't bother reading the rest of the thread until I saw your reply.
What is it they say about great minds? You think that applies to ours as well?
I had a mind....
where'd I leave it this time? ;D
Wow....you let a woman know where you live? I suppose you gave her your real name too?
In reality, I would only suggest looking for a place to move into together. If she moves into your place it'll become hers (possible conflict issues).
as long as the join with the intersection and the union is normalized every thing should be ok. As long as there is no corruption.
Quote from: Statler on October 09, 2008, 04:45:51 PM
Even taking into account that this thread is full of (hopefully) 90 percent joking, it still sounds like there are a ton of immature guys out there.
Also sounds like almost every relationship on the DMF has zero communication.
Hung out in Europe for one year with G in a tent so small only one of us could sit up at a time.
lived in several crap apartments together.
bought a 35 thousand dollar home together to practice renovations in a crap part of the city as our first house.
what's so hard again?
if she's your best friend and you talk about everything each day then fine...you'll grow and change together...(or not).
If she's not your best friend why are you sleeping with her and considering living together? As a tide-me-over?
I'm 100% with you Chris.
It may sounds cheesy, but my gf (of ~ 3 yrs now) is honestly my best friend and I am hers. We communicate extremely well, have similar sense of humor and enjoy each other's company immensely, but still know when to give the other some space. At the end of the day, even if we have nothing else, we have everything we need.
hm...........give thoughtful advice, or tongue in cheek?
whatever you do, rent a place that you can afford solo. have only one of you on the lease. that way, if it doesnt work, you are not in a bind with the rental arrangement.
agree in advance about important issues such as "toilet seat up or down"
good luck
You know her best... is she wife material? If not then don't. If so then this is yours and her chance of a trial run together. Better to find out before marriage then after the fact. Live life man [beer]
Quote from: herm on October 09, 2008, 10:36:49 PM
agree in advance about important issues such as "toilet seat up or down"
that is in no way a relationship breaker in my book [laugh]
last night my g/f was telling me that one of her friends, who moved from long island to AZ to live with his g/f, was having issues.
they have been living together for about 4 months now and the novelty has worn off. it's the point where all the little things that you don't notice start to bug the hell out of you. they aren't talking about it. things are going very poorly right now. it's to the point where he stays up late just so he doesn't have to listen to her nagging and being huffy about "nothing" being wrong.
the moral of the story. if you actually want it to work COMMUNICATE. i think the only reason kathy and i havne't slugged it out is that neither of us believes in holding back what we feel so it is said right away before the problem starts and i kick her ass out of my bed and onto the couch or the spare room (i paid for the mattress and bedframe, she can sleep elsewhere ;D)
one other thing that i didn't think about but led to a bit of tension, groceries. we would go shopping, i would spend $100+ on food and she would eat all the snacks in 3 days leaving me with nothing. when it was her turn to buy she would spend $30 and wouldn't buy any much food at all. she didn't know how to shop for groceries, she's getting better now though. now i buy stuff that she doesn't like to eat so i have snacks. [thumbsup]
I've lived with 2 girls.... broke up with one, married the other. There's obviously no fast rule about it.
But I stick with what I said earlier (and has been echoed by several others): don't leave the area you love. My wife and I certainly aren't going to get divorced over a crappy house in the crappy part of town, but there would probably be less tension living in a crappy house where we want to be.
Quote from: herm on October 09, 2008, 10:36:49 PM
whatever you do, rent a place that you can afford solo. have only one of you on the lease. that way, if it doesnt work, you are not in a bind with the rental arrangement.
You can also use your name on the lease as a stick to beat her with.
"Woman-fetch me a beer or I'll toss you out!"
;D
Quote from: somebastid on October 10, 2008, 10:57:39 AM
You can also use your name on the lease as a stick to beat her with.
"Woman-fetch me a beer or I'll toss you out!"
;D
I call kathy "rent check" when she annoys me.
my brother lived with 2 strippers once. they used to get him comps to the club all the time, and introduced him to the rest of the girls to boot.
i recall him telling me there were additional benefits as well........
"room mate with benefits"
Everybody is a friend with bene's when you deal with those girls...... I worked in a club for 5 years... I wouldn't do it again but it was fun as a younger man.
Quote from: herm on October 10, 2008, 11:42:52 AM
my brother lived with 2 strippers once. they used to get him comps to the club all the time, and introduced him to the rest of the girls to boot.
i recall him telling me there were additional benefits as well........
"room mate with benefits"
Your brother is my new role model. Where may I find his image in order to have T-shirts made? [laugh]
after realizing the absurdity of my post - i decided to let this thread go... i just read through the past few pages
pure gold [laugh] [laugh] [laugh] [thumbsup] [thumbsup]