Yea since I read it all in a 3 day span, there's many of repeats.. funny still though..

Urban trial biking with Monster Energy's Fred Crosset

Trials riders are mental!

Very very awesome

That is sooooo coooool










                                     Mmick

Very old couple go to the doctors for the husband to get a check up, doctor says "Sir I need a urine sample, sperm sample and a stool sample"

old bloke looks at his wife and says what did he say

she said "he wants your undies........................."

Very good RobS

 ALL GIRL BIKER BAR 


An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'

The Cow, the Ant and an Old Fart!
A cow, an ant and an “old fart” are debating on who’s the greatest.

The cow said, "I give 20 quarts of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"

The ant said, "I work day and night, summer and winter,

I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"










 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why are you scrolling down?   

It's your turn to say something...

A husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, 'I have a headache!

'Perfect,' her husband said.

'I was just in the bathroom powdering my bleep with crushed aspirin.

You can take it orally, or as a suppository,it's up to you.' 

WOMAN'S DIARY
 
November 29, 2010
 
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely.
 
I'd been shopping in the afternoon with the girls
and was a bit late meeting him, thought it might be that.
 
The bar was really crowded and loud,
so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk.
 
He was still very subdued and distracted
so I suggested we went somewhere nice to eat.
 
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself
- he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be
paying any attention to me or to what I was saying,
I just knew that something was wrong.
 
He dropped me back home and I wondered
if he was going to come in,
He hesitated but followed.
 
I asked him what was wrong,
but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
 
After about ten minutes of silence I said that I was going upstairs to bed,
I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply,
He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile.
 
He didn't follow me up immediately but came up later and,
to my surprise, we made love
- but he still seemed distant and a bit cold.
 
I cried myself to sleep -
I think he's planning to leave me -
maybe he's found someone else.
 
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
 
MAN'S DIARY:
 
November 29, 2010
 
Australia lost the cricket.
 
Gutted.
 
Got a root though. !!!! 
 

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck
up a conversation.

The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said, "So why are you here ? "

The yellow Lab replied, " I'm a urinator. I urinate on everything....the
sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I
urinated in the middle of my owner's bed."

The black Lab said, " So what’s the vet going to do ? "

" Gonna cut my testes off " came the reply from the yellow Lab.
"They reckon it'll calm me down."

The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked " why are you here ? "

The Black Lab said, " I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and
trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets.
But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my
owners' couch."

" So what are they going to do to you ? " the Yellow Lab inquired.

" Looks like I'm losing my testes too," the dejected Black Lab said.

The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, " Why are you here ? "

" I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a
pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I
see."

Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to
dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and
started hammering away."

The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said,
" So, it's nobbies off for you too, huh ?"

The Great Dane said, " No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped ! " 

This really happened!! 


There was a knock on the door this morning.



I opened it and there was a young bloke standing there who said:

"I'm a Jehovah's Witness".

I said "Come in and sit down, what do you want to talk about?"

He said, " F*cked if I know, I've never got this far before"

The Australian asked the Kiwi "What is a Hindu?"

And the Cuz replied "It lays eggs hey!"

This would probably be better on story time

Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street .

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon , the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!

Financial advice - Lease or Purchasing







Something to think about: 

Purchasing

The maths on the Paul McCartney - Heather Mills divorce is as follows:
After 5 years of marriage, he paid her $49 million. 

Assuming he had sex every night during their 5 year relationship
it ended up costing him $26,849 per time. 
                 
This is Heather. 



Leasing 

On  the other hand, New York Governor Elliot  Spitzer's hooker,   
Kristen,  an absolute stunner charges  $4,000 per night. 
           
This  is Kristen .. 



Had  Paul  McCartney "employed" Kristen for 5 years, he  would have  paid $7.3 million in total, for sex every night  for 5 years:
(a  $41.7 million savings).

Value-added benefits are: 
*   a 22 year old   
*   no coaxing 
*   never a headache 
*   happily agrees to all requests 
*   no complaining 
*   no "honey-do" lists 
*   has two legs

Best of all, she leaves and comes back when asked.   

All at 1/7th the cost and no legal fees.

Sometimes leasing just makes more sense.


Hmmmmmm