The new parent thread

[Slide Panda]

So, we've got the expectant fathers thread. But, since I recently transcended from expecting the birth to dealing with the day to day of an infant there's nothing really going. So here goes.

Right now, he's 12 days old. We've figured out some of his favorites. Other items are still a mystery. He's hell on wheels at about 2 am when he's due for a change and the only way we've found to simmer him down is for a lay-down on me, with using my pinky as a pacifier. Lil fella really wants something to suck on, but nothing aside from my rt pinky seems to suit. Think I'm getting carpal tunnel from it, I swear.

Solid sleeper during the day, and getting better oer nights. But that change up is giving me hell. Any thoughts?  I could use that hour+ of sleep spent awake with him perched on me, and my wrist contorted to get the pinky in his mouth, nail side down. Yeah, gotta be that way it seems... 

[ungeheuer]

IMO (and that's all it is)... if you train the little fella that you'll pacify him in this way.... he'll expect it to continue... and create HELL if he doesn't get what you've taught him to expect.

Its hard, but after the 2am change.... (and feed?) ...  probably best - once you know his immediate needs have been taken care of and that he's otherwise fine - probably best to let him cry it out.  Torture at first I know.  But he will get over it.

Either you train him or he'll train you.

[dolci]

IMO (and that's all it is)... if you train the little fella that you'll pacify him in this way.... he'll expect it to continue... and create HELL if he doesn't get what you've taught him to expect.

Its hard, but after the 2am change.... (and feed?) ...  probably best - once you know his immediate needs have been taken care of and that he's otherwise fine - probably best to let him cry it out.  Torture at first I know.  But he will get over it.

Either you train him or he'll train you.

this is all very true.  I remember my daughter's pediatrician telling me to sleep when she slept and get myself a good pair of earplugs to let her cry it out sometimes.  They need to learn to self comfort and it's much harder on you than it is on them.   

[Triple J]

I disagree with the above two on crying it out. People will disagree, but many believe (including my pediatrician) that habits are not formed in the 0-3 month period. My personal experience supports this. At 0-3 months babies need to be comforted...it is essentially the 4th trimester, and they'd rather not be out in the world yet. Hayden slept with us in our bed for the first 3 months, and when we transitioned him to the crib in his room it was no problem...he hasn't slept with us since. Most nights at 0-3 months, laying down with me was the only thing that would get him to go to sleep though (which is how it started).

I'd suggest getting a copy of "Happiest Baby on the Block". It's an extremely good book, and very helpful.

If the baby is sucking on your finger then is he hungry (assuming you also feed at the 2am change)? That's how we used to gauge when Hayden was hungry, as he wouldn't do it otherwise.

Other than that, just be patient, and get used to not sleeping. Even when your baby does eventually start sleeping through the night, you won't sleep the same as you did pre-baby. I find that I sleep very light now, just waiting for a sound from the monitor...and my son is 3 1/2 and has slept through the night in his own room since he was 3 months old.

[ungeheuer]

Opinions.  Everybody's gone one  .

Our first born was 2 months premature, so we have some understanding of "rather not be out in the world yet"  . 

There is some research which suggests sleeping with your baby ought be avoided  - especially babies of 3 months or less.

This from sidsandkids.org  >>   http://www.sidsandkids.org/wp-content/uploads/LongB2013LR.pdf   <<  "Special Note about bed sharing".

[rgramjet]

I've got 3 Kiddos.  An 11 year old and twin 7 year olds.

Get the book "12 Hours in 12 weeks".  Read it, learn it, live it.

Teaching the kid to self sooth is vital.  My daughter, one of the twins learned very early on, how to calm herself. 

Her twin brother on the other hand had to wear a heart monitor every night for a long while.  The thing would peep and my wife and I would rush into the room. It took him a lot longer to learn how to chill himself out.  His mom or I would instantly be there to comfort him.  He was needy and unhappy until he finally discovered the concept of self soothing.

Good luck! 

[Triple J]

Like Ung said...everyone has their opinion.  Do what you think is right.   The book I suggested is a good one. Read it and the other one suggested to get multiple views (assuming they're different). We didn't let our son cry when he was <3 months and everything worked out just fine. At 3 months he slept better, in his own room, than any of our friends' kids. Over 3 months...sure, we let him cry it out a few times.

We could have just got lucky though...usually when he cried there was a reason.

There is some research which suggests sleeping with your baby ought be avoided  - especially babies of 3 months or less.

I knew this would come up. Babies don't die from SIDS from sleeping with their parents, they die from being suffocated. Obviously you have to be careful, and that especially includes not drinking (or drugging) at all. If you are a super heavy sleeper or a wild sleeper, then not a good idea. My wife and I were very careful, he was on his back, not by covers or pillows, etc. Again, just our experience, which I wouldn't change. Do what you think is right though.  

[somegirl]

For cosleeping, baby should sleep with breastfeeding mom, not with dad or with mom if not breastfeeding.  Or you can use a co-sleeper (baby bed attached to the side of your bed).

For a newborn, the early morning hours are the best feeding hours.  Mom's supply is higher then.  Will take a little while for schedule to change to more normal days/nights.  In the meantime, really try to do the "sleep when the baby sleeps" thing.

I disagree with the above two on crying it out. People will disagree, but many believe (including my pediatrician) that habits are not formed in the 0-3 month period. My personal experience supports this. At 0-3 months babies need to be comforted...it is essentially the 4th trimester, and they'd rather not be out in the world yet. Hayden slept with us in our bed for the first 3 months, and when we transitioned him to the crib in his room it was no problem...he hasn't slept with us since. Most nights at 0-3 months, laying down with me was the only thing that would get him to go to sleep though (which is how it started).

I'd suggest getting a copy of "Happiest Baby on the Block". It's an extremely good book, and very helpful.

+1

[Slide Panda]

We've got Happiest baby - now remembering what it says at 3am... well.

Amended battle plan seemed to work a bit better last night. The major change being shortening the time between feedings. Seems we have a little piggy+ on our hands. Though who know what today holds. Yesterday he was up most of the day, which isn't his norm. So by logical (haha) deduction night might not have been the norm either. if there really is such a thing at this stage.

[ungeheuer]

....Other than that, just be patient, and get used to not sleeping.

+1 (it wont be forever).

Do what you think is right. 

+1

Good luck (you'll do fine)  .

[rgramjet]

Treat yourself and the wife to a Doula(sp) every once in a while.  We received several visits for a baby shower gift. 

There is no sweeter sleep.

[dolci]

Treat yourself and the wife to a Doula(sp) every once in a while.  We received several visits for a baby shower gift. 

There is no sweeter sleep.

 

[zooom]

so...Roger...you gonna send a Ma-Doula-Oblong-Gratis his way for a visit so he can see what you mean?

[Slide Panda]

He can just find a magic way to reduces the costs on that addition I chatted to him about 

[Howley]

Imo, your parenting responsibilities don't end when the sun goes down. You wouldn't leave your child to cry all day, so why do it at night. Read up on the physiological affects of crying it out and I hope you'll agree that it in not a solution. Our baby never cried it out and sleeps through every night. Sure it was hell for a long time, but you don't have a kid to make your life easier.