The art of the sale.

[Grampa]

As many of y'all know... I've been trying to sell the 1098. My efforts have been half-assed because I really don't want to sell her. I want a Ural and I need room in the garage for it, so one of the bikes has to go.

Anyway..... I had been running the typical ad on craigslist.

2007 Ducati 1098

11k miles

Garage kept.

Custom satin black paint by Steve Baron. Renthal grips, Fabbri lt. smoke windscreen, CF open clutch cover, CF heel guards,
CF exhaust cover, Techspec tank grippers, Traxion rear shock cover, Stainless Steel clutch springs with red anodized spring caps,
Rear Pitbull stand, Biposto seat and rear peg set, Fresh Dunlop Q2s front and rear. All stock parts included.

$10,00 obo
No test rides w/o valid license and cash in hand.

Zero results.

The wife and I met on Match.com. My original profile was similar to the above mentioned bike ad..... just the basics, with the same results.

One night... in a drunken stupor... I decided to try a lil something different. I let the tard in me out.

The end result..... I scored me a hottie.

Awhile back..... I figured I'd try the same thing with the 1098.

See this bike..
You can't have it.
Your wife won't let you.
Your girlfriend says it's unsafe. waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Knock ...knock.....
"who is it?"
"We're men.... and we're here to take back your mancard."

This bike is not just a bike.... it's a muse.... it's a teleportation device.... hell, it's even like a bad assed medical tool. I once rode it by some guy who was constipated, just hearing me downshift from third to second emptied his bowels. I shit you not.
Hear that noise? That's not a dry clutch...that's a chick whistle. I'm tell'n ya...those Italians got that chick shit down. I left the exhaust stock because my buddy Phil upgraded the exhaust on his and I saw an elderly couple bust into flames when he bliped the throttle. (I have a conscience....that and I hate the smell of burnt flesh, so I left the cans alone.) It's got some carbon fiber stuff on it too, because carbon fiber is bad ass. Chuck Norris' beard is carbon fiber. Johnny Cash's suit was carbon fiber. Neil Armstrongs left arm is carbon fiber...... and we all know how bad assed that shit is. (Lance Armstongs ball is not carbon fiber..... but his bike was)

So.... you're asking yourself..."whats it like... riding a bike/muse/teleportation/badassed medical device like this? It's f'n AWESOME! Obama/Biden stickers melt off cars.... gravity dissapears around hot chicks undies....puppies weep..... people pay to be your facebook friend..... the Mericopa police dept. pulls you over just to get your autograph and thanks you having graced their tiny town with coolness the likes they've never seen.

If you're thinking about buy'n a Harley and have bought into that whole "chicks dig cruisers" thing....ask yourself .... when was the last time you saw Dan Haggerty get'n laid... hell... when was the last time you saw Dan period? The dude lived with a bear. Bears are cool and all..... but I'd rather be bang'n Keira Knightley than some bear. (google Keira Knightley Ducati.... you'll see what I mean)

What do you need to purchase the afore mentioned coolness?
Balls...
A valid state class M license....
Money.... 10k obo
And.... a willingness to step outside the "me too bike" box.
(you might also want to bring towels..... as the ladies tend to moisten up around the bike)

  lots of responses

I havent run it in a couple of weeks.... but every day I get some sort of response.

Last night I got a text message from Kings County....
"wow. I have 22 yrs exp and now ride a yamaha 1000. I eat ducatis. but you are funny. well posted, sir."

I texted him back this morning.

" I shall pray for you. God intended motorcycles to be ridden.... not eaten. Being morbidly obese and having ones knees fail is not the correct way to get a knee down."

I even got a phone call from a guy in Vegas who saw it and called to tell me how much he like the ad. Then he proceeds to tell me he's the assistant team leader at the Vegas Cycle Gear store...and that I should go to the Bakersfield store and post it there. (he he he... I'm the assistant team leader at the Bakersfield store)

The best response I've recieved so far was from a guy named Don.

Don sent me this email.

"Nice little novel there, hope it helps you sell the bike you didn’t even take the time to describe."

Don mistakenly sent it from his work email address.

"Dearest Don.

I beg to differ..... actually no begging here... I just differ. I thought my ad was very descriptive. Lots of colorful words, happy words.... hell I even tossed in two famous names.... names that span two generations. I think that's say'n something.

Im pretty sure the only thing not mentioned in the ad was the awesomeness that is the Dunlop Q2's that are on it. It's like they are made out of some super cool rubbery magnets, and the road is made out of some bad assed metal asphalt. (when set to the proper psi)

Maybe stepping outside the chemical plant and breathing some fresh air will help.... or maybe if the judge grants you custody of your balls back in the divorce, you'll then see just how awesome the ad was for my awesome bike. Or..... maybe just maybe you'll read past all the silliness and see that lil thing at the end of the ad. The same lil ten digit thing that every other reader saw, and used to call about the details.

Good luck with getting the balls back :-)
Joel

PS.... I know a guy with a 87 Honda Rebel for sale if'n you're interested. It's got the sweetest 1 into 1 pipes you've ever laid ears on."

Then later in the day Don sent this back..... via his personal email address.

"lol nice reply pal, you really are the King of all bullshit. Eagerly anticipating your next reply."

Don..... I can do this allllllll day

My response...

"Howdy Don.
It would appear that we have gotten off on the wrong foot. I blame myself. For that I am truly sorry. Even though we may have differences .... I think we can still be friends. Heck, Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney put aside their differences for the taping of "Say say say" and became great friends. ( If we become friends like that... I call dibs on not being the creepy pedophile one)
Best wishes
Joel
PS.... I saw a goat at the fair last night named Don.   How cool is that!"

Don tossed in the towel with his next email.

"Joel,

I was really only giving you a hard time, I actually thought your post was very original and clever. Good luck in life and I hope you sell the bike."

I win


I've had the ad flagged a couple of times... mostly in the LA area. I'm not sure why.... but I get on average two to three emails or text messages a day with people laughing. Even when the ads not been refreshed for weeks.

I still haven't sold the bike yet..... but reading peoples comments about it has been a hoot.

[Speedbag]

 

(I still want it and wish I could swing it right now, would make a great addition)

[zooom]

Joel...I said it before, and I'll say it again...I flagged it for "Best Of" because of it's awesomeness...it is a nice machine..and I hope it finds a good home...I myself would much rather find the money to get triple J's bike though...

[CDawg]

this post made my boring day!

[Stella]

               



Will go back and read this during my next workshop at a conf in Vegas.   
And the next workshop & the one after that and then during dinner when some married overweight egotistical narcissistic douche talks at me....   



Thank you Joel.   

[fastwin]

Now that right there is some funny shit!! Can I get you to write my ad when I sell my bikes? I'll even pay to be your friend on facebook!!

[Polpetta]

 

[lethe]

 

Similarly, I still get occasional responses on the Anti-De Puniet youtube video that you jumped in on as well.

[NoisyDante]

Maybe I should put some of this flair into the ads I'm posting to part out my murdered 695. 

Cool ad, hope you sell it soon 

[RAT900]

And the next workshop & the one after that and then during dinner when some married overweight egotistical narcissistic douche talks at me....   

we had dinner plans?

[TiNi]

  very creative bp 
hope it sells 

[spolic]

this post made my boring day!

+1

[muskrat]

Now that right there is some funny shit!! Can I get you to write my ad when I sell my bikes? I'll even pay to be your friend on facebook!!

If I don't get dibs I'm coming after you


BTW........great ad!  Keep up the posting

[pitbull]

the ad is fantastic!

A great laugh.


what were you selling again?

[Grampa]

Things are getting silly now. Apparently the ads been passed around and has made it on a few websites. My email is filling up with people thinking its funny and I even got a job offer to write ad copy for some ad company